prepare for a whiny, 'woe is me' mini-rant on the travails of dating while in your late 30s. 'travail' might be too strong. dating is no hardship (not compared to strategizing how to help launch a statewide legislative campaign) but it's not exactly filling me with light and joy. instead, what i feel is something akin to gas.
at this point in my life i'm thinking that celibacy might be the new black.
The Girl and the Hobo (as told to me by Roomie):
Roomie: So I'm waiting for my chiropractor and the door opens and this woman walks out. She's in a suit, pretty, very Lincoln Park lawyer type. So he opens the door and he's giggling and he says, 'Hurry up hurry up.' So I get on the table and he starts working on me and he's laughing so much I say what's up?
He says, 'So you saw that woman who just left? She comes into my office and the first thing she says to me is 'Oh my god. I fucked a hobo last night!''
Ding: Shut up! She fucked a hobo?!
Roomie: Oh, yeah. Apparently, she was at Friar Tucks -
Ding: Well, there you go. Friar Tucks is disgusting. No wonder she fucked a hobo. That's where they hang out! When I lived up there, we used to call it Tired Fucks.
Roomie: (snort) Tired Fucks! Classic. Anyway, she got plowed and woke up the next morning, naked, at her place, next to this guy.
Ding: Shut up!
Roomie: Wait for it. She wakes up and the guy is like, Hey, can I hang out here...today? She says, No fucking way! I'm taking a shower, going to work and I'll drop you off at your place. So they get in her car and - he gave her the address to the homeless shelter in Uptown!! She saw him get in the breakfast line!
Ding: Girl, no.
Roomie: Uh-huh. Fucked a hobo. She told Dr. X she thought he was a surfer!!
Ding/Roomie: Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!