Friday, December 31, 2004
His girlfriend, Margie Sola, had other ideas on the matter. She thought he looked like the love child of Albert Einstein and Bert from "Sesame Street." "His face was a big mess," she said.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
green fairy asks the same question over on her space; bookslut makes faint mention of her holidays being a 'complete failure'; my friend R-- expressed jealousy at my stay at home christmas. almost every single one of my friends who visited family clocked at least 6 hours travel time and perhaps 2 hours of pure happiness over the weekend.
it's time for the hegemony of the holiday family visit to end.
let's declare our independence and be honest: these visits blow. they're stressful and if your family has turned your old room into dad's new office, then you're also out of a bed. if you're single, you don't really want to hang out with all the children and if you're married, you really don't want to hang out with all the children. the dear parents try to recreate a holiday that somehow existed back when you were eight, which only makes you sad; your siblings have moved to the next level of married/homeowner life (or not) and that's sad, too. no one's youthful anymore, the forced cheer is depressing and the over-scheduling of your days like you're a five year old on a play date is turning you into, well, a sullen teenager.
and sex? forget it. the holidays are the sexiest time of year and how do we choose to spend it? sleeping on an air mattress in the family room. what's sexy about that??
after your third temper tantrum over which bottle of wine to have with dinner you realize that the holidays have stripped you of of the identity you've carefully and deliberately constructed ever since you moved away from home. within hours you're no longer the snarky urban gadabout; you're 15 , misunderstood, there's no good music on the radio, you have no friends and you can't wait to get the hell out of town and move to the big city. (or, in my case, move out of the big city and move to another big city - just one that's 2000 miles away.)
it doesn't feel like a holiday. it feels like you've been grounded. it doesn't feel like a relaxing break from your busy life. it feels like a punishing squeeze into someone else's busy life. so let's be honest. we don't want to see our families over the holidays unless some things change. below are my demands, er - suggestions:
- visit me once in a while (hotels are plentiful!)
- what says holiday cheer more than a cocktail? beer, wine, champagne or eggnog, i don't care. but a little grog goes a long way to smooth out the rough edges.
- where's the fun? i don't want to run errands. i want to go to movies, go shopping, eat out, drink in, and sleep late. why doesn't everyone want that?
- get a babysitter.
if we start applying pressure on our families now, come next november, we should have the holidays of our dreams.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
if you can, check it out and give a little.
they really need it.
so, riding the wave of general pissed-offness from yesterday's post about the dnc giving women the finger, i surfed on over to the dnc's official blog. not only do they not mention the fact they're contemplating a position shift on abortion (and if anyone can point me to a place where they own up to that shit, i'll be suitably chastised) their open thread is full of bullshit meanderings about nature, moles, baby boomers and...that's about it.
aargh. this is our party: idle chit chat.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
fucking hell. i hate being right.
on a ndn chatboard, i screeded that the dnc would sell out brown people, women and gays - all for the sheeny shine of winning. (and remember that earlier post musing which of our progressive principles we should dump?) our party is so pathologically soulless, we are going to go soft on reproductive rights for women so we can turn some fucking red states blue.
you know what people on my side of the tracks call that shit?
we call it shit.
and what progressive has EVER advocated for late term abortion on demand?? jeebus.
what else are we going to go soft on, people? what else are we going to take a dive on? what else are we going to compromise for the allure of winning? do i want to win? yes! i want to kick republican ass all over the place. but we win with our values and with actions that support those values. by going soft on abortion, we lose everything.
so so so pissed angry.
hmm...let's see. which constituents has the dnc screwed...?
brown people, check.
[update: here's where to go to give the dnc some feedback.]
i swear i didn't touch anything.
[nevermind. i fixed it.]
A-- and i were totally late to a party because we watched 'white christmas' all the way to the end. and vera-ellen's legs? totally a gross out. when she's doing that tap number in that little yellow bloomer/dress thing? yikes, you can see her connective tissues.
no travel, no going back to los angeles, no fussing with the kiddies, no kitting out on my dad's couch (grr). i was child-free, sunshine free, traffic free and it was marvelous. A--'s mother taught us how to play mah-jong (my own asian mother would have been proud), we cooked a wonderful beef burgundy, ate cheese, drank copious amounts of champagne, had a decadent christmas morning brunch at home with a leek tart and mimosas, exchanged girly creams, emollients, lotions and candles, drank wine, listened to great music, saw good theater (hurray for gospel music), dined in a fantastic french restaurant and sang carols at 4th pres at midnight (though the dixieland 'go tell it on the mountain' for the recession was a bit much, i thought.)
the air here was bitter, like a woman left at the altar a few too many times. but the sun was bright and on christmas eve i finished shopping for my roommate and met BC for lunch, humming with satisfaction. while waiting for him at la scarola, a tiny italian joint on grand ave with some of the best food i've ever had, i slowly sipped a glass of chianti and read billy collins' new collection of poetry. BC arrived, bearing a thrift store wrapped present: a scene from shakespeare's King John mounted on a little prayer book, behind glass. i thought it was sweet, A-- thought it was hilarious and strange. ('it's so not you,' she said.)
but anyway, it was a great weekend. i hope everyone had as good a one. (even M--, far away in a strange place. happy new year, sweetie.)
it's about food, the surreality of living in l.a. and just about everything in between.
i already love it and her photos rock.
like me, she chucked the academic life (she literally threw her dissertation into the seine) and her wry, dry, acerbic words do more to make me feel at home than most anything.
i hope you enjoy her.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
we have lost the war in the middle east, our soldiers are fodder for missiles and bombs; our president still has the ability to rouse hatred and vomiting in at least half the populace (oh, for a freakish cosmic accident that will show our POTUS bursting into flame as he touches the bible during his inauguration, the first recorded human combustible); every conversation i have with a conservative brings up bile and contempt and if i am ever to exercise control over my temper i will have to shun them - or resign myself to immediate ad hominem attacks and call them vile, deceitful cramps who would rather lick the brown boot of karl rove than help their fellow man.
and where is my side of political spectrum? (crickets, crickets)
there is much to celebrate - life, family, friends, liberty and straight teeth. but there is all that stuff above. there is the new boy, who haltingly told me the story of his divorce last night while we sat in a red and green lit tiki room in river grove; below the muted giggling and chatter around us, he spread his hands and shrugged and said all he ever wanted was to be loved and isn't that what this life is about? and i could only nod and crunch another pretzel.
there is the story of the woman and the carved out baby, but there is also the mini-skirted octogenarian woman in a river grove bowling alley who walked her ball down the lane, dropped it with a thud and watched as it rolled, as if by a magnet, to a strike; then she'd turn, shuffle back to her table and flick a smile at her equally shriveled husband who just watched her roll strike after strike after strike. it could have been sad but it looked sweet to me.
there's doesn't seem to be time for reflection this time of year, although i suppose that's what it's for - to slow us down and make us see the world a little differently, as a thing worth saving, inhabited by tiny lonely people shuffling to...something.
but, in the abridged words of my roommate, why does everyone have to suck so much?
did they think the mercury would just magically disappear??
are these young men and women also sheepish when they have to buy tampons? we have raised a generation of sexually active morons.
i fear for the future.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
1. labeled a stack of red files. (abandoned red files almost immediately.)
2. stuffed, licked and metered Madame's stack of corporate holiday cards.
3. ate one teeny bag of cheetos.
4. smoked one cigarette.
5. rearranged bra (wearing an ill-advised demi) 5 times.
6. visited the darkness' web site (was wondering what all the hullabaloo was all about and still don't get it.)
7. discussed with A-- which potato dish to serve with christmas dinner.
8. pondered briefly amy sullivan's article about abortion and the democrats before giving up and decided to be upset later.
9. distributed 3 personal holiday cards.
10. went to the ladies' restroom.
it feels like a much fuller day than this...
Monday, December 20, 2004
we can dish it out but then, when the democracy-stifling cubans call us on our own precarious moral position, we get our feelings hurt.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
1. do all your christmas shopping online. i was on the phone with my sister, listening to her whisper what she wanted for christmas and i deftly clicked over to jcrew and found exactly what she wanted. then i tapped over to rollingstone.com to read some reviews (i prefer spin's taste, actually) and decided what i was going to send my brother in law. my father is going to be the proud amazon recipient of either a book about female sexuality, gay people or barack obama's memoir. in any case, it should be educational. the little critters will get what i gives 'em. or what i can find in my bedroom and make like it's a funky bohemian thing.
2. do not go see that crazy korean thriller 'a tale of two sisters.' it's like 'the other', 'sisters' and 'the grudge' AND 'the 6th sense.' but on crack. BeanCurd (BC) and i sat scrunched down in our seats, begging the stepmother not to look under the sink. begging. covering our eyes (so he's not the manliest of men.) the film starts out simple enough - someone is crazy. then it spins into this crazy dinner party from hell and a morality tale on regret, the past, bad timing and why it's REALLY important to take your meds.
3. scrabble is a good way to round out an evening: date 3 ended after a two hour scrabble game and an hour watching late night tv. i totally got my ass kicked. however, i laid down 'roque' which was impressive. of course, he laid down 'prize' and won 78 points, but whatever.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
this year, as i did last year, i will buy heavy blank cards and will stamp each one with the label of some old french champagne. (champagne screams holiday, don't you think?) and then i will open a bottle of wine and see just how bad my card messages get over the course of one night. then i will pound stamps on the little envelopes, think about the death of the epistolary life, and woozily do something else.
i'm frustrating the hell out of A--, who just stares at me and says, "I don't believe anything you say anymore." she refers to the fact that i can only be honest about the boys i like/don't like after they're gone. in the moment, i seem to disappear and just go with it.
so because i failed to answer these questions satisfactorily last night, i'll answer them now, putting them on the record, if you will.
do i like him? yes. he's smart, funny, reads good books, knows how to play the piano, has a kick ass record collection of music i would actually listen to (except led zeppelin) and wears cute shoes and leather pants, despite having a slight 37-yr old guy paunch. (who's perfect? i can't even touch my toes right now because something got wrenched.) i suspect he may have a brown girl thing going on, but i'm not going to speculate too much. he seems to not be an ass and he used to be a teacher so he communicates well. (is he my ideal guy? no. but there's only one of him and he's taken. not to mention he's gay, living in the hollywood hills with his partner, drinking tea on one of the terraces of his villa. sigh.)
[*Note: GeoMetro is NOT Phantom of the Opera, who had a serious cleft palate situation going on and was less socially adept than GeoMetro. POTO lived in a flame-vulnerable garret filled with candles and sheet music. GeoMetro actually has a design scheme.]
am i attracted to him? it seems so. as attracted as you can get after two dates and playing pool while consuming a whole bunch of whiskey. am i dead inside when he touches me? i don't think so. so yes. i am attracted to him. if you're really asking about a scale of attraction (10 being ... shoot, i can't think of a ten - oh, the guy in new york, S--. yikes, he was an intense 10) then i think GeoMetro falls somewhere between 7-9. an 8. that's not bad, an 8. i think that's a good place to start, right?
i mean, who starts at a 10?? there's nowhere to go but down!
[Update: he is, henceforth, BeanCurd.]
Monday, December 13, 2004
i'm trying to find something snarky to say but i think i'm all tapped out.
thanks, bitch ph.d, for the link.
boy: BELCH. oh, excuse me.
me: um, s'okay.
boy (waving a hand in front of his face): oh, euwww. gotta crack a window. must've been all that bean curd and bean paste at dim sum. BELCH. oh, jesus. i'm so sorry!
me: A HA HA HA HA HA!
i can't help it. gas makes me laugh.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
that was rude.
he's just ignorant.
all sorts of people, including yours truly, are putting in their two cents. one guy (in fact, more than one guy - and it's significant that they're GUYS) are saying that we need to chuck abortion rights and reproductive rights out the window since it's clearly not what the majority of the people want. he doesn't think overturning roe v. wade would be a bad thing, necessarily.
his point? we shouldn't frame abortion and reproductive freedom as 'rights', per se. words like 'rights', 'choice' and 'freedom' make regular people uncomfortable. oh, crap. i'll just cut/paste what he said (it's so much better that way):
Democrats need a change after 30 years, we need to be liberal which means,
ready-to-change-for-the-better. I for one am not ready to sacrifice everything
else Democrats stand for, because some special tnterests want to keep the same
old loser-language of elevating abortion by calling it a euphemism like "choice"
or a "right." Let NARAL do their own PR work.
you don't get it. for YOU maybe overturning roe v. wade wouldn't be such a big deal. try being a woman, you asshole. we're not a special interest. we're over half the population.
keeping the autonomy of your body is not a euphamism; retaining authority over what you can do and what you can't isn't about 'loser-language', you bag of masculinist shit. then, later, he says:
We should be listening to the American voters and adjusting our party creed
to what people want, not adjusting voter's attitude what the party creed is.
Abortion is a good example. Roe v. Wade should be overturned so States can
make their own rules. This would actually benefit Democrats.
but is it good for women? the democrat's position on CHOICE is pretty simple: what a woman does with her body is between her doctor and her own moral conscience. that's the choice, you moron. you make the decision, or someone else makes it for you. and the federal law now supports abortion as an option because it didn't exist before at all. (where is he getting his history??)
what pisses me off? the fact that women ARE voters isn't even registering with him.
whose fault is that? moronic frank or the scores of young women and women in my age group who don't even make the effort to fucking vote? (the women who remember what it was like before roe v. wade vote.)
Friday, December 10, 2004
tomorrow night, the holiday party at K--'s. there, i hope to run into my ex-roommate and ask her why she's walking around the neighborhood in a wig.
sunday afternoon, brunch date. i hope i'm devastatingly hungover and louche. that is, if we're still on.
monday, tutoring (must remember to bring snacks).
tuesday, drinks and dinner with A-- and her friend E.
wednesday, PAYDAY!! oh, sweet baby jesus, pay day! not a rent pay day - i can buy christmas goodies and pay my cleaning lady! oh, happy happy day!
i emailed dewey darko today. just to say hi and ask if he'd been attacked by a moose. his silence acts like a subtle rebuke to my poor handling of our weekend together.
The state's two U.S. senators, Democrats Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein, also praised the proposed suit. Boxer had threatened a Senate filibuster over the abortion amendment, but backed off when Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist promised a vote next spring on a bill to repeal the amendment -- a longshot in the Republican-controlled Congress.
jeebus, people. my niece has more guts than you do.
their site makes it increasingly clear how ... incredibly stupid we are. we bend over for corporate greed and kiss the ass of every man in a suit; we blink dumbly in the face of the insanity coming out of the white house and the heritage foundation (their description of the heritage foundation conference is absolutely chilling). we're stoking our own ovens.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
well, now the homophobe who proposed it is invited to talk to george bush about it.
gee. wonder what that conversation will look like? i can almost picture it:
POTUS: gerald, i'm a little concerned about this little book ban you've got going down there in alabama.
GA: oh, don't you worry mr. president. we've got a righteous movement starting.
POTUS: i'm sure you do, scary gerry. mind if i call you that? we're just worried that this might send the wrong message to the country.
GA: we have to protect people, like a stop light. people can't run the light.
POTUS: i know that, scary gerry. but we don't make the people who run the light disappear.
GA: i wish you wouldn't call me scary, mr. president. that hurts my feelings.
POTUS: i regret that, scary gerry. i really do. but you can't make homosexials disappear.
GA: but i want to.
POTUS: but you can't.
GA: but i--
POTUS: let me see if i can explain it. homosexuality is a fact. gay people exist. like andrew sullivan - and he's a republican! we may be uncomfortable around gay people but to erase the existence of them, even figuratively, is to impose an agenda of heterosexual coercion on our nation. it is not the role of government to erase those things that make us uncomfortable. and it is not our role as caretakers of government to replace personal morality with public authority. moreover, this sort of police action, that is so clearly homophobic and reactionary, will lead inevitably to even more radical actions. for instance, when you get rid of the word gay and the representation of gays in literature, is the next step an internment camp to insure our children don't even see a homosexual? or perhaps you folks down in alabama would like to take surgical steps, a medical 'final solution,' if you will. i'm sorry, scary gerry, but i cannot allow that. being the student of history that i am, i fear this will only take us down a road of totalitarianism and internal schism.
POTUS: i thought so, scary gerry. thanks for stopping by.
WHO still gets upset at Catcher in the Rye??? and WHO has NEVER read Catcher in the Rye?? i read this stupid book when i was 14.
the english lit major in me howls in despair at the utter liberal arts stupidity of most people in our country.
could it be i had too much caffeine and shouldn't have bumped up with my vitamin this morning? could it be because my conversation with my firm this morning went really well and i'm actually feeling really good about my prospects? could it be because i look really good today (fishnets, pencil skirt and curvy sweater)?
it could be.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
things i must do soonish:
1. find a way to transform my lameass corporate resume into wacky creative fun.
2. actually, dammit, compile a portfolio. like, seriously.
3. land one interview before christmas. or even two.
4. make a list of people i want to talk with or i need to stalk for a job.
5. finish the stupid article. and that other one.
6. contemplate briefly what will happen on sunday brunch with the guy from last saturday night. briefly. (i'm too stressed out to stress out about a boy with cute glases and frodo hair!)
7. make a holiday shopping list. (does baking cookies count as gifts?)
8. budget for holiday shopping. (might have to cut off all my hair and sell it to o. henry)
9. boil down my dream to an elevator talk so i won't sound like a fool when i try to explain why i quit my job.
10. wonder why there is no one (hello oprah!) who will pay me to stay home and do stuff like this all day...
things i will actually do:
6. contemplate briefly what will happen on sunday brunch...
green fairy is one of my faves. she's cranky, witty and cruel. she talks about marmite alot. after weeks of wondering what the hell, i finally googled it.
gag. just lick a pub floor after last call, why don't you?
(incidentally, they were all states that voted for kerry! good to know my sex and my politics are so aligned!)
yes. i'm totally bored and not wanting to look for more work. it blows.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
(as in choosing to reproduce... geez.)
the magnitude of misogynist thinking behind this net of legislation is stunning. poor women, single women, young girls and overburdened married women are eventually going to be funneled into a narrow channel of patriarchal laws that define female sexuality in only one way: married and not her own.
i'm also stunned at the lack of action in the women around me. these are laws that affect all of us and yet we haven't become angry enough to demand that our rights be protected. just think - women have enjoyed reproductive freedom for only 31 years. that's just my lifetime (give or take 5 years.) if all of these laws pass, i could possibly see a MAN take away my right to make decisions about my body and what i do with it. yet, women my age are worried about 'what if he's just not that into me?'
*thanks to xx blog for posting original link
poor david brooks. doesn't he realize this topic was SO done, like, 5 months ago?
and he can call them 'natalists' all he wants. i like the word breeders. again, parenting is more enriching than, say, not. what a load of crap. again.
Monday, December 06, 2004
So here's my two cents: I read it, laughed, read the best parts out loud to my friends and then put it away. But it made me think - not about why HE'S not into me, but why I don't care if he is or not.
For bitchy lazy women like me, who put relationships somewhere behind watching Regency House Party, not calling and not worrying about what's going on in some guy's mind is preferable to acting like a junior high idiot who traces the boy's name into her notebook, over and over again.
I'm sorry, I have 50 other things I'd rather do than waste mental space on whether a guy likes me. (For instance, I'd rather just wonder about the next time I'm having sex.)
There is nothing complex in deconstructing something that doesn't exist. And there is nothing wrong in saying, basically, "You want me? Come get me. Cuz, otherwise, I'm busy."
anyway, christmas. i took my bad back and my bad sciatica to evanston with my roommate and we saw 'sideways' (yay for mature, funny, painful and well-written dramas). then we drove to andersonville to get our tree. we saw it immediately - so tall and full it was the platonic ideal in trees. i think we both stamped down any pangs we felt during the tree-buying. when the sky is dark indigo and the air is crisp like a salt cracker, there is nothing more romantic than buying a tree, running your fingers over needles and branches, thrusting your face right in the tree. but we ignored all that. so, lickety split, it was cut, wrapped and strapped to the top of A--'s car. we dragged it upstairs and jammed it on our stand and just gazed at it, like it was a newborn.
whee, our tree!
so we let it rest that night. quite frankly, my back and lower regions were so mysteriously wrenched that i couldn't have handled a bulb if my life depended on it. still, i managed enough strenghth to go on a date that ended surprisingly well. i will blame the 5-minute necking in his front seat on all that tree business.
so now the tree is decorated - it is all golden, peachy and coppery beauty. it's so tasteful and pretty it hardly bears any resemblance to us at all. we have lights, boughs, wreaths, tinsel, lights, ribbons and have i mentioned the lights? (A-- thinks they're sparkly.)
but it's official. christmas is here and we are absolutely drowning in holiday cheer.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
i think this is my favorite part:
One book in the "Choosing Best" series tells the story of a knight who married a village maiden instead of the princess because the princess offered so many tips on slaying the local dragon. "Moral of the story," notes the popular text: "Occasional suggestions and assistance may be alright, but too much of it will lessen a man's confidence or even turn him away from his princess."
if i ever find my niece reading this kind of crap i will set it on fire.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
a critically acclaimed writer's uncle dies in custody of Homeland Security and no one is responsible.
i feel like i'm taking a tally of all the ways we suck as a country, as a government, as a people. the hatch marks are too many.
i shouldn't be surprised at yet another example of sexual panic in the red state south, but there is something about the thoroughness of his ban that makes me rear back in alarm. it's not that his homophobia compels him to ban gay marriage (which is to be expected from a semi-rural ignoramus) but that he wants to erase homosexuality entirely. he wants it not to exist. he wants it to be nonrepresentable. he wants there to be a huge hole where he can dump homosexuality and bury it.
let's be clear. he's not merely saying that homosexuality gives him the skeeves; he's saying gay people skeeve him out so much he's willing to make sure all representations of them disappear. that's what these people want. that's their desire boiled down to its essence. it's not enough that they don't want gay people to marry. they don't want gay people to exist.
the article gets the whole thing wrong. we shouldn't be focusing on censorship or book burning. yes, yes, yes, that's awful but it's not the point. the real issue seethes below his crazy book ban. will erasing the word homosexual, the image of homosexuals, the fact of gay people be enough? will that satisfy their monster? i think not. their virulent hatred won't end until real gay people are gone. erased.
what does this sound like to you?
Monday, November 29, 2004
heh. take that, george will, you lazy boob. let's hear it for geeks with degrees!! (he's from my alma mater.)
in other news, things are back to normal and simultaneously abnormal. (i'm doing my best to ignore the shrub administration; my chest gets too tight if i concentrate on them for a long time.)
domestically, i am ever grateful to my roomie for cleaning the kitchen while i was gone. i don't deserve such friendship. (i especially don't deserve it considering i'm about to foist my dating persona on her up close and personal in the next week or so.)
i'm suffering from lower back pain. it's advanced to a degree that i actually worked out this morning in an attempt to loosen everything up. i have to sleep with a pillow between my knees! i can't get on all fours! (not that i'll need to be in that position for any reason...or anything...)
i'm back at the office and i'm getting overwhelmed at all the junk i have to do outside of the office. resume, networking, interviewing. i'm starting to panic. what the hell was i thinking??
i'm assuming dewey darko (aka The Librarian) is dead. i'm assuming, while driving from uconn late one night, he stopped to move a moose carcass from the side of the road and was set upon by angry deer and was torn apart in the woods, his howls fading into the cold, stark moonlight. i assume this because, well, to think any other way would force me to acknowledge that (sigh) we are (grr) over.
so, to hide my disappointment, i'm having drinks with a musician saturday night. and maybe i'll follow that up with a dinner with a 44-yr old writer who wears glasses and says things like "alchemy is between a rainbow and faith." oh, here we go again. i know, A--, i know.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
(things sorta got mixed up with blogger earlier...)
when i first saw these spots i noticed the little kid's kinky hair and thought, is he brown? with a white grandpa? i thought i was hallucinating.
since i come from a biracial family i guess it shouldn't be a big deal to see one in a commercial, but it is. you don't realize how overwhelmingly white pop culture is unless you're not white. and seeing mixed couples or families anywhere? forget it. over the past 20 years i can think of an ikea commercial, a car commercial, a heineken ad and one old tide spot that showed a mixed couple. so seeing a middle class family that looks like my own (or at least my sister's) makes me sit up and think about switching to verizon.
whenever things like this come up, the reaction is usually scoffing. what do we brown people want? commercials for everyone? a spot with indians, mexicans, koreans, africans?
so here's a shout out to verizon's canny marketing ploy and exploitation of multiculti reality - it works for me
i never did say what i was thankful for, this holiday.
1. i'm thankful i don't live in alabama.
2. i'm thankful i grew up in california where no one called me 'colored' and where the state thinks kids should probably get an education.
3. i'm thankful i don't live in alabama.
so what are we going to do about it?
something else entirely. like race.
my roommate A--, who's very minnesotan about race and ethnicity, had an insight when this whole thing blew up at the beginning. she said, 'no one's saying it, but it's all about the white-black thing. no one would give a shit if it wasn't the implication of a naked white woman jumping into a big black guy's arms.'
huh. i was a little sorry i hadn't thought of that first. but she has a point, and rich's column briefly hints at it when he quotes limbaugh for saying it 'reminds him of the kobe bryant case.' it seems that the specter of interracial sex still spooks this country, sending moralists into convulsions of hysteria, whipping up fantasies of black bucks gone wild, cavorting with race-mixing white women and seducing our kids with a desire to 'go black.'
would the media and morality outcry be as loud if, say, halle berry had jumped into owens' arms? or, a better test, if sheridan had jumped into the arms of peyton manning?
(heh. i know a little football.)
our country needs to wake up and smell the miscegenation. white and black folks have been woven together since first contact was made (and i'd like to go on record and say that it wasn't even our idea). a little dropped towel in a locker room or a briefly exposed breast (hm, another ebony/ivory moment) is nothing compared to our actual social and sexual history.
Friday, November 26, 2004
around the dinner table, i looked around and my dad and i were the only brown faces - and everyone else spoke spanish. let's hear it for los angeles and multiculturalism! my niece and nephew speak spanish fluently, the in laws only speak spanish and i'm going to have to seriously brush up if i'm to survive any more family holidays.
only complaint so far - haven't nearly had enough to drink while here and, yes, i must admit to wanting to go home and snuggle. am i the only one the holidays make horny?
Monday, November 22, 2004
Why? Family dinners. It's like a movie running backward. All the drama, hurt feelings and pathos happens during the cooking. Old resentments surface. You wonder if your mom really loved your sister more because how else did she manage to remember how to cook everything so perfectly? You feel your life will be justified as soon as you can manage to whip potatoes and make a pie crust all in the same afternoon. Afterward, face rosy and smelling of gravy, you just slump in your chair and eat until you get drowsy. Then you burp. Maybe you manage to eat a piece of pie. This is the boring part of the movie that makes you realize you've flown 2000 just to eat a really big dinner.
I'm used to my dinners being relaxed, wine-based, affairs. Instead of food that makes you sink into insensibility, you really need good wine, champagne and chocolate. And cheese. Perhaps fruit. Maybe a pumpkin or butternut soup. In the background, some Cousteau or Ella Fitzgerald - and the kids should eat in a totally different room. Oh - a low chaise where I can lay back, slide off my shoes and smoke a cigarette while looking up at the sky through the trees.
Why can't my holiday be like this?
let's see. which democratic ethos gets kicked to the curb?
gays. definitely. yeah. love 'queer eye' but all that fabulosity is just too much for us, clearly. gays want benefits? they need to move to sweden. time for us straight liberals to get back down to the nitty gritty of aggressive heterosexuality. (that'll get the nascar dads for sure.)
or, how about women? yeah. deep down all chicks just want to be told what to do and with whom. (check out the success of "he's just not that into you" if you think i'm lying.) they really don't care what happens to their bodies. at least the young ones don't. and if they all just got freaking married, they could just do what their husbands tell them. sure!
hey - black people! forget about urban renewal - unless some monster redevelopment deal is on the table, of course. and racisim is clearly dead. we've visted all those churches at least twice - time to move on. the day of brown people is over - everyone knows that comfortable white suburbia is the place to go now for support. (even oprah knows that.)
eesh. we can drill in alaska, roll back OSHA and EPA rules; tell the unions to kiss our ass; the lower and working classes need to get with the program and realize that if they got their act together and went to community college, then they could tear themselves out of poverty and stop living paycheck to paycheck. and old people? they're almost dead anyway. geez.
it's so hard to choose. but hey! why stop at one principle? we could chuck all of them? wow, when you get rid of principles a whole new moral universe just breaks wide open. the potential of being a winner makes me positively giddy.
cuz that's the point. winning.
Friday, November 19, 2004
politics is depressing (again) so how about a little sex?
my friend J-- is a short guy and he is the most adorable guy on the planet. every gay festival, every bar, club or cafe, wonderfully tall handsome men would swoop down and scoop him up. and now J--'s partner is also on the short side and they make the perfect salt and pepper shaker couple. there is something to the compact appeal of a short guy. they're cute. (oh, umi, where are you now?)
but there are limitations. yeah, it's too much to ask a guy to smooth over all your insecurities with his height, but as a big soft girl, i don't want to roll over on my side while i'm in bed with someone and not see the person behind me - just a tiny little hand flung over my plushy shoulder. and then there's making out. let's say you're both rolling around and then you cimb on top and - hey, where'd he go?? i'd feel like a bully sitting on the chest of some skinny little boy i've knocked down on the playground.
that's just...well. that's just not going to happen. (again)
i know all my girlfriends are adamant about their height requirements - lobbyist lumberjacks, gentlemen giants and brawny lawyers need only apply over there. they want to feel feminine, small, dainty and tiny. i said this to a gay friend of mine once and he put his hand on mine and said, very kindly, "sweetie, you ain't never gonna be dainty." it stung, but he was right. i was never going to be thistledown. no man was ever going to swing me into his arms without grunting, herniating a disc or buckling his knees. (oh, s--, i'm sorry for putting you in a truss.)
but maybe there's something powerful in that amazonian feat of wrestling a cute little guy down and unleashing an earthquake of lust on him simply because you can. maybe.
it's really depressing to see everything laid out like that.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
girlfriends and i have already discussed the best el trains with the best looking guys.
hands down, the purple and brown lines have the best guys. they read, they smell good, they're brawny, they have cute german glasses, their hair sticks up adorably, they make eye contact.
the worst: the red line: lincoln park/wrigleyville frat boys who pretend to read the wall street journal or, worse, actively read red eye (the 'newspaper' for people who like their news the way they like their one night stands: shallow); cubs fans, yuppie gentrifying northsiders who killed Fusion (the best gay club for a straight girl to hook up), some of them smell like pee and most of them are crazy.
middling to fair: blue/orange lines: the working class guy; denim, stubble, shorter, out of work artist people living in humboldt park/logan square; guys who fly out of midway because they have to; or, fleeing lincoln parkers who can't afford to live in lincoln park anymore and so clog up my neighborhood (baggy suits, red eye papers and starbucks). bastards can't even support the local sip cafe...
unknown: the green line. who takes this train?
huh. totally never thought of this before.
it's made me rethink my whole let's talk religion with fundies position. whatever.
as in our war with iraq, we progressives are up against a backwards population; as they continue to destroy a nation, so should we battle to preserve our way of life and spread our progressivism. as they colonize others to spread a warped version of our values, we should begin our own imperial age - the age of the urbanite.
like it or not, we will drag you into the 21st century or die trying.
(i really have to lay off the energy pills in the morning...)
you know it's bad when the soft and crunchy open a can of whup-ass.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
if you paw through all the numbers in this editorial you realize the main point: keep the electoral college because a few big cities, with the ability to carry a whole state, could vote for candidates against the wishes of the rest of the country.
chicago carried illinois for kerry. so did new york for ny. philly for PA, detroit, los angeles, san francisco, milwaukee, portland, seattle, etc. but the editorial says "thus cities can pick our president, against the wishes expressed elsewhere nationwide."
this is what i say. so what? why should a village with only 40 people in it count more than a whole city? that's called progress, people. that's called civilization.
they want to carry the heft of a city? then become one.
update: after reading this post by david neiwert, i realize that my above reaction was not as (cough) nuanced as it could have been. so to my country mouse cousins (ahem), mea culpa. the neiwert piece is a good one - a long one, but a good one.
the other night i had drinks at the W hotel with antonio, a wonderful friend of mine from my grad school days. of course our conversation turned to politics. he was telling me of his reluctant need to step into a departmental argument with other faculty over inviting bill cosby to speak at his university. sighing he said, 'i have to say something. i don't want to but i have to rock the boat.'
i agreed and reminded him of the time, years ago, when he said, 'they are about to turn me into a militant black man.'
let's hear it for being militantly brown.
running late this morning, and listening to the litany of bad news from npr this morning, it hit me. do i even care anymore about what this administration does?
oh, i'm still passionate about politics - but it's clear that bush is crazy and, with an egomaniacal determination james bond villains manifest, intent on ruining life as we know it. we will never leave iraq; we will find some excuse to invade syria or iran; our economy will utterly collapse beneath the weight of perpetual war and debt; we won't be able to travel anywhere and our population will devolve into a morass of stupidity and mediocrity. women will be forced to remain pregnant; men will be forced to serve in the military. the rich will become even more obscenely rich and the poor will think that's exactly the way it should be. we'll be forced to go to church and pray to bush's god (mammon, frankly) and perhaps there might be a public defenestration or two, just to spice things up.
our federal govt is lost.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
if there's further proof needed that our world will end in an ashy ball of mediocrity, here it is.
1. david brooks should hang out with real college students.
2. david brooks is too young to act this old.
3. david brooks misses the point of almost everything happening after 1985.
the problem with 'students today' isn't moral relativism, or their lack of moral center. it's the fact they're dumb, literally and figuratively. they are disengaged from the world around them intellectually, culturally and spiritually (in the very broadest sense) and so live in a silent white bubble of privilege and conformity. it's clear our culture doesn't value critical thinking, analysis or even deep thought, so why should he be surprised at the vacuity of a bunch of undergrads?
where has david brooks been living??
Monday, November 15, 2004
1. cocktail date - a very good evening. drinks in hard rock hotel (a hotel concept that needs to not exist), watching the winos drink 40s by the river and looking at the view, funny bitter stories about, of course, politics. a weird, hesitant goodbye by the cab. sigh. having fortitude sucks.
2. chicago comic fest, ramada inn, rosemont - wow. dorky does not even cover what was going on in this little hotel by the airport. one, why did everything smell like nachos - and boy feet? two, everything was covered in plastic. three, action figures. whatever. they are dolls! four, there is a japanese movie that i must own - casshern. it looked totally cool. apparently, everyone got picked up on except me. sigh. having a blind spot in my upper right quadrant sucks.
3. comic books - spent all weekend in bed reading back issues of 100 Bullets, the Forsaken, and Identity Crisis. how perfect is that?
Friday, November 12, 2004
now that i've made my decision to quit this job and find another, i'm really liking the people i'm working with! (strange.) i'm writing an article about how the left needs to concentrate on building a movement, rather than winning elections (which we don't seem to be very good at, grr grr). i'm going on a nerve cocktail thingy tonight. (interesting, haven't done that in a long while. and, slightly off topic, Dewey has been MIA for months! is he dead? who knows!) and i'm going to a comic book convention tomorrow. (oh-ho, the fun and extreme dorkiness that will be tomorrow afternoon!)
i'm also obsessed with 'regency house party'. i love these shows and this one is the best of all. it could even top 'colonial house' as fantasy fodder du jour.
(i keep waiting for 'slavery house' or 'antebellum house' just for the horrific psychological damage it could do to everyone involved, but i don't think it would be that fun to watch.)
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
i'm in the middle of talking with my firm this week and they're very cool - actually they're relieved. they thought i had a flaming drug habit or something. but it's only a bad case of politics. once we work out the details of how/when i leave (please, after the holidays!) they're going to put me in touch with people i can talk to who can put me in touch with other people and, by hook or by crook, next year i'm going to do work that matters to me. this corporate crap sucks.
is it scary? totally. i like shopping. i like living in chicago. i like having a fabulous apartment. but is working for a soul killing corporate death star worse? yes. absolutely. this election and what our country is becoming distresses me and i have to DO something.
does this mean i'm going to turn into one of those dirty children screaming about globalization? uh, no. this doesn't mean i'm going to wear a sandwich board and walk up and down michigan avenue, either. it just means that the non-profit world or some tiny political office somewhere is going to have me doing something for them. (the women in my firm know everyone - even kissinger.)
so i'm still here. i haven't gone off the deep end. i'm just sick of the other side winning all the time.
Monday, November 08, 2004
my mood is lifting (again, thank you valium). came across this beauty of a site that compiles mix tape play lists for every mood, crank, screed or freak. it's addictive so don't look at it at work. (look away!)
in other news, my friend M-- in Korea has to be about the bestest guy ever. he read my depression and spent a small war's budget to call and say 'it's ok.'
yeah, it is ok. i had THE TALK with our firm's coach, rose (a wonderful wonderful woman) and guess what? with my firm's help, i'm quitting my job, will help hire my replacement and will attempt to live my pancreatic, scleratic bliss as a campaign whore.
who saw that coming?
Sunday, November 07, 2004
i've stayed away from my blog because, well, i've been crying all week. angry, anxious and depressed, i may have even reached the end of my tether at work. how have i been coping? valium. i'll know if i have a job at the end of monday or tuesday.
in the middle of writing about this election and why something serious needs to change within the progressive movement, i've decided that something needs to change with me, too. i've been hiding for the past four years behind a cushy job and a safe economic existence, not really risking anything for the things i care about. last week brought all of this to a head for me. do i want to lose my job? i'd rather not - i have a nice life and don't deal particularly well with sudden change.
but do i want to work for a firm that has nothing to do with my own political, intellectual identity and ideals? no. do i want to spend the rest of my good years being assistant to a wealthy woman whose needs don't enthrall me? not really.
so. here's to burning bridges, not fighting your texture and throwing yourself at the mercy of fate.
Friday, November 05, 2004
Thursday, November 04, 2004
i'm back, after a whole day of crying at work, chest pains and headaches.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
our party was a smash- kind of a subdued smash. toward the end of the night, the numbers were too depressing and i think alot of us went home to drink alone and cry. but we still have michigan, ohio, wisconsin, nevada, and new mexico.
hang in there, kerry. don't concede.
our party was a smash- kind of a subdued smash. toward the end of the night, the numbers were too depressing and i think alot of us went home to drink alone and cry. but we still have michigan, ohio, wisconsin, nevada, and new mexico.
hang in there, kerry. don't concede.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
i'm up fecking early to vote. (it went off without a hitch; the republican 'challenger' was a bearded beer-bellied chicagoan - you can see him on a barstool, exposing butt crack, nursing another old style.) i punched through all my holes (no shady electronic voting for illinois, thank you very much!) and gingerly stepped through the wet outside to get into A--'s car, my civic duty successfully discharged.
vote, people! vote!
tonight is the election party. the guest list is growing. the cleaning lady came yesterday. the deviled eggs and twice baked potatos were finished yesterday. the darts were tested all weekend. the chili was finished sunday. the decorations hung saturday. the notes asking the neighbors not to call the police on us slipped under doors last night. poor A-- hardly slept a wink last night, imagining all sorts of third world terror.
i sort of worried about the 'talk' me and my boss are going to have soon. yes, i think my corporate bitterness is starting to seep through my amiable exterior. whatever. gen x-ers aren't meant to be lackies. slackers, yes. lackies, no. i hate people telling me what to do. (which is why i loved grad school.)
eesh. never drink coffee before 8 am. gas, man, gas.
Friday, October 29, 2004
so, if there are any secret service type individuals out there reading this little thing, let me be clear:
i do not want specific harm to come to our president. i just wish he wasn't as ferociously dumb and incompetent as he is.
when i said on the evite that i thought of 'brutally sodomizing a republican' that was not a threat against our president (though he is a republican)
i am notoriously non-violent (though i do shiver a little at the thought of a bill clinton/shrub deathmatch.)
and while it's nice to imagine a world wherein he was not, i think it would be best if shrublette just went back home to crawford.
and while the word 'hate' is certainly harsh, it's not *actionable*.
i don't think.
mentioned this site earlier - the travails of an earnest guy named ben who lives in st paul, mn and works in christian retail. i know, sort of unexpected for screed. but i actually like his blog. as a big fan of early christian pop (cough) i gotta give props to anyone who works in christian retail.
(yes. i was a HUGE dork.)
i dedicate this link to A-- and her native homeland.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
BBC NEWS Programmes Newsnight New Florida vote scandal feared
when it's all over, what's most important is what happens in that voting booth. and that means committing to it. it's not an errand you can shrug and slough off if it doesn't get done. it's not like going to the local cafe, the line's too long and you think, 'fuckit.' no! you can't say 'fuckit!'
the BBC article uncovers a GOP tactic they're using to intimidate voters in primarily black areas (there were scads of articles yesterday about how the minority vote this election year is hugely significant for kerry.)
in order for the GOP to win they MUST suppress brown people from voting, and they're doing it with challenges. multiple challenges will slow the voting line and they're hoping that it makes people leave the polling location.
some suggestions (even if you're not brown):
make back up plans (work, babysitter, etc.) in case you have to wait for a while. do NOT leave the line.
if you can wait but someone else is in a hurry, let them go first.
do NOT challenge a challenger (the GOP wants footage of fights and confrontations. as much as i want a nation of islam beat down, that's not going to help.)
use the handy moveon.org voter card thingy (can't find the link so go to the site) to report serious violations or voter intimidation.
vote early. wait as long as you have to.
(and if you haven't seen the eminem video, you really should.)
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
i never thought i'd say this about eminem - it works. it totally totally works. it's angry, it's smart, it's righteous, it's good. it says everything i've been feeling. already the most requested video on mtv's trl.
get yourself a black hoodie and watch it.
2. what a catch: jail, marines, psychiatric exam, GED
my rage is tiny compared to this man's.
short version: dems see voter suppression in GOP challenges to minority and new registered votes. republicans see voter suppression in airing criticism of president.
HOW are these two things equivalent??
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
it's this damn election.
everyone i know is in a state of nerves. we're jittery, watching every poll, wincing at the electoral college map, indulging in fantasies of republican watchdogs getting chased from poll sites across the country. there's a scent of incipient revolution in the air. that edgy, quiet, 'you're going to get your ass kicked when the school bell strikes 3, meet me in back of the gym' kind of feeling.
i've retreated back to my comic books (100 bullets rocks, by the way, as does new frontier) and when i lay in bed, my heart is racing. do republicans dream about fleeing the country? i'm serious. are republicans in bed wondering how they can give up their citizenship and make a life for themselves in toronto?
this election cycle has made me militant again. i haven't felt this way since college. i want to picket, shout, march, throw something. overturn a table. write a slogan with chalk. get on a soapbox and shout into a megaphone. but i'm also a little weepy. there's a social event tonight, a dinner with some discussion mixed in, and if something is said about this election i will burst into tears and yell at somebody.
you know what i want? i want bill clinton to come over my house, hold my hand, and look gently into my eyes as i cry about everything that's wrong with this country. then i want him to go over to shrub's house and kick him in the butt.
Monday, October 25, 2004
on one hand, mr. cohen has a point. i guess after hearing mr. o'reilly brag about the can of whupass he'd open on any woman stupid enough to lodge a complaint against him, ms. mackris should have been a little more forceful in her objections. there was no need to get all litigious about it. but on the other, how else to punish the guy who transgressed the boundaries of acceptable behavior in the first place?
i mean, really, what's a girl to do?
i know. let's handle it like men. let's get a little assertive. since we don't want to be called 'complicit' in our own harrassment - since we don't want to be too passive - let's send a more immediate, active message to the creep who can't take 'no, thanks' for an answer. we can wait in the dark of unpeopled parking lots with our masked girlfriends, watching as our corporate tormentor unlocks his car, waiting for the perfect moment to get our 'NO' across. yeah, a gender mugging seems to be in order.
you know, just to show we're not pussies.
or, if that's still not immediate enough for mr. cohen, how about just busting a karate chop to some guy's larynx to illustrate just how uncooperative we are?
cuz if that's how he wants to play the oldest game known to mankind, well, ok.
my totally problematic fantasy: inner city polling place, republican poll watcher 'challenges' a voter. said republican watcher gets his ass kicked by a righteous nation of islam brother. or two.
so saturday i'm wearing a t-shirt my friend K gave me for my birthday. i'm sorta busty so it pulls across nicely (heh). anyway, the point is this is my first non-sleepware t-shirt and I LOVE IT!!
(which one is it? just look for the cowgirl from the double-F ranch!)
go buy someone a snarky t-shirt.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Funny: ‘freedom costs a buck-oh-five’ montage, puppet sex, the vomit, the violence. When the Eiffel Tower falls and crashes into the Arc d’ Triomphe, I almost choked on my Diet Coke. Oh, and when the terrorists crash into the Sphinx, explode, and the Sphinx head totally lands on the wreckage? Funny. And Spottwood’s careening chair? Classic. Funny. Kim Jung Il’s song of loneliness? Hilarious. Sharing feelings while shooting Koreans from the sky? Totally funny. “Durka durka jihad jihad ali”? Completely funny.
Not funny: Dicks, pussies, and assholes. F.A.G. (Film Actors Guild) (every time a puppet said ‘fag’ I just cringed. I hate that word.)
Basically, their whole world theory is “It’s better to be a dick than a pussy or asshole because dicks fuck both.” Without dicks, pussies would be useless, assholes would shit on everything and we’d all be fucked. From what I could see, dicks are apparently the preemptive strike (white) guys and the gun-totin’ babes who love them; pussies are ‘faggy’ liberals, protesters, other world powers and feminists; and assholes are terrorist nutbag dictators who want to screw up everything because we screwed up their lives or they have personal issues.
One word: PHALLOCENTRISM.
i think my eyes are on fire.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
grr. and my dad's among them.
oh, democratic party, see what you've done??!!
i'm going to a movie so i can eat a hot dog, a chocolate bar, and watch team america kick puppet ass.
Monday, October 18, 2004
..because they grow up to be teenagers and get really stupid.
Dr. Dobson said in an interview that he planned to refrain from endorsing candidates at the event, which was officially nonpartisan. But he added that he recently awoke from a nightmare that Mr. Kerry had been elected president and then appointed Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton as chief justice of the Supreme Court.
"That alarms me greatly," Dr. Dobson said.
On Mary Cheney’s sexual orientation (not lifestyle) William Safire’s Monday column says: “Until that moment, only political junkies knew that a member of the Cheney family serving on the campaign staff was homosexual.”
It’s one thing to see the paper's resident conservative whine about manners (implying that it’s rude to recognize someone’s sexuality in public) rather than dismantle the poverty in our public political discourse to discuss sexuality and orientation.
But it’s another to see that Safire is wrong on a more fundamental level. There’s a whole lot of other people who knew Mary Cheney was gay – the gay community who benefited from at least 10 years of her activism and advocacy, as well as her partner, friends, and colleagues. (Part of her work at Coors was heading up outreach to the gay community so she was definitely out to her firm.)
The point of Kerry's comments is not to 'confuse or dismay' Bush's evangelical base. It's to expose the absurdity and instability of their homophobia. (I'd say confusion and a feeling of dismay is 'dissonance' - the result of recognizing that the foundation of a previously held belief is shaky.) If there is a political gain from it, well, la di da. (And what intellectual dishonesty to not expect that.)
But Safire, and the rest of the conservative party, is blind to that. In his view, only heterosexuals get to be public with their sexuality. A gay person should live in isolated shadow. For Safire, there is no gay community. There is no wider life for a gay or lesbian other than how they relate to straight people. And, for the sake of decorum, there shouldn't be.
I’m sure the gay community thanks him for that.
Safire's column is like a veiled dance, revealing his mannerly homophobia even while trying to conceal it.
Friday, October 15, 2004
i'd say these are all signs we shouldn't be on the road tonight.
after my total breakdown in response to my father's capitulation to the GOP's campaign of fear, i've evened out. i was worried for a little bit that i may have hurt my dad's feelings irrevocably, but i think everything is ok. i don't want him to get all distressed and depressed. he's a widower, for pete's sake.
but it's clear that he and i can never talk about politics again. the divide is too great.
instead we'll talk about why i'm no longer a virgin. (sigh)
last night our church social com'tee met at cru to plan our next dinner. a guy, anil, joined us for the first time. all was well, until i made the mistake of saying that abstinence only programs don't work. he wanted to know what i meant and that started us on sex ed, the church and sex ed, incentives as anti-christian (his idea, not ours), free will, the total god-ability of jesus and whether or not doubt is counter to faith or is actually disbelief.
needless to say, he will be seated at C's table during dinner.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
so, if using birth control is a sin, then forcing a woman to give birth would be...what?
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
(jimmy smits on the west wing? yuumm... ooh, a buzzer! see a bulge?)
opening question: who knew flu was so important?
snooze. i'm already bored. fascinating that bush can 'remember' all these numbers.
nice. start talking about jobs and then talk about education. snap on you george.
i'm gonna let A-- do her thang on Feckless.
i can't take this anymore.
have you seen the new l.l. bean catalog? they have some really cute stuff!
i love how kerry is kicking ass. he does not back down. he's fighting for every single point. yay!
and he just said 'iraq' about 5 times in one sentence. snap again.
i really don't know how invading iraq is defending our country. yeah, kerry - slap him on the 'global test'! let's hear it for the TRUTH STANDARD!
A-- just lost her shit over the gun stuff. 'preemptive strike against iraq vs. preemptive strike against criminals! freak! it's like he's the retarded child in the classroom!'
oh my god. bush went back to the pell grant. it's like his lucky charm. and what does this have to do with affirmative action? he totally blew off that affirmative action question. "whew! let me start with the pell grant." but he did meet with the black congressional caucus. (i think kerry meant the naacp).
not another faith question. 'i receive calmness in the storms of the presidency.' (A--'s response: 'in the vacancy of your brain?') this religious sentimentality is just a sop to those out there who cling to hallmark greeting card cliches.
how old IS bob schieffer, anyway?
what is bush talking about?? whooo...
closing statements: you can hear kerry's spit. did bush actually memorize the whole thing?
strange how sad i feel. i didn't feel this way when that other guy died. (crap, i can't remember his name...the one who wrote 'orientalism'!! aagh crap crap crap...Said!)
i hated reading him. i saw him at two lectures at ucla and wanted to beat him over the head with my shoes. everytime someone (amit) wanted to explain the 'derridian sense of play' i rolled my eyes and imagined knightley showing me what was under his kilt.
but he's dead. and i'm sad.
um...so why isn't this story in the new york times? it's not like the information isn't there to find!
instead of a journalist exposing voter fraud, we have a group of middle aged citizens bunkering in their cubicles finding out shit.
if bush wins, i'll reserve most of my blame to our sheep-like corporate media, who wouldn't know a legit story if it hit them in the balls.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
and it's past 6 at the office and i'm sitting here crying at my desk like a frustrated child.
i hate bush.
"And therein lies the problem for even so empathetic an amateur shaman as myself: It's becoming more and more difficult to draw a clean distinction between Republican demagoguery and the onset of dementia."
'Singles vote for Bush as their ideal date"
vomit vomit vomit.
apparently out of 2500 women polled by the equally vomitous It's Just Lunch dating service, 49% said they'd rather date the president, while only one-third would tip a cocktail with Kerry and a freakish fringe of 15% would snuggle up to Nader.
(they also thought jenna and barbara bush were more attractive than kerry's daughters.)
this only confirms that IJL is full of crazy dumb women.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Well, I say, good for him! I like a good slab of ribs, but do I want to eat them with my President? Hell no! Do I want to have a beer with my President? Fuck off! I want to sit in a lecture hall on a quiet East coast campus and listen to my President wax wonkily on foreign policy then invite me to have a drink in one of the anterooms at the White House with his equally wonkish staff. That’s what I want. For me, the ‘regular guy’ can take his warm beer, his sagebrush, his fucked up Iraq policy and sit in that cul de sac he calls an administration.
Being a regular guy means you can’t be anything else while simultaneously being everything. It means you’re not a woman, you’re not a person of color (‘regular guy’ is totally code for ‘white’) and you’re pretty much nothing else. You’re definitely not gay. Just regular. Just guy. How… beige. It’s one size fits all. It’s the definition of the lowest common denominator, an identity without anything distinguishing it. It’s an ocean of mayonnaise, a plethora of mediocrity. A total flat line.
And ‘regular guy’ is so inelegant. If I had to put a pop culture reference on it, Regular Guy/Bush is like one of those dumpy shlubs on “Queer Eye.” Every week we wince when the Fab Five drags him out of his cave and we gasp at the stained unstylishness of his existence. For these men, those who can’t shave correctly, can’t seem to get out of the 80s, and fumble conversation to the point of incoherencies, Regular Guy is their anti-hero. He is a comedy of errors. When Regular Guy needs a scalpel, he uses a butter knife. When Regular Guy’s language should soar, he comes out with this dud:
“Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies againstWell, pardon me, but I’m tired of errors (not to mention homicidal hats that cause global terrorism.) I’m tired of action for action’s sake. That’s like asking me to settle for bad sex. I want finesse. I want knowledge. I want my President to know where the body politic’s erogenous zones are, dammit!
these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat."
-George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 17, 2004
But I don't recognize the body politic nowadays. It’s a great big hairy, sweaty, beer-guzzlin’, gun-totin’, Arab hatin’ bear daddy – lulled to sleep by the reassuring stroke of the Regular Guy. And in the morning the body politic looks into the mirror and sees the reflection of his own unshaven face and thinks “Good enough.”
So I say this to the Regular Guy: go away. Go back to your cave from which you crawled and stay there. You’ve lowered standards for everyone around you and now it’s time to go back to the bland, reactionary, mayonnaise world you live in. Your shambling mistakes have cost people lives and it’s time for you to take a Time Out. Learn how to form a sentence and hire a housekeeper, for god’s sake. Read a book or two. Visit the people you’ve killed. See what you’ve done. Realize you’ve made a mess and other people have to clean it up for you – again. Grow up. Learn some fucking responsibility. Get a job. Go to college. Move.
i remember a letter i wrote to the NYT when the 2000 election was about to wrap up. i said that we get what we vote for and in this contest, the american citizen is like a drunk cheerleader about to get date raped in the back of a blue pick up truck under the bleachers by a snarling grinning fraternity boy called bush.
it's no wonder they didn't publish the letter. but it seems i'm not the only who sees the veneer of amicability about to slip.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
we spent today rummaging around the lyric opera's warehouse, crawling aroung the dirty corners, bent into trunks, snatching up medea costumes, altar boy shirts, military jackets, hats, feathers, pantaloons, stockings, sweaters, shirts, and nighties. i watched a man dive into a pile of opera capes and tunics. he exclaimed, "I don't know how to wear it, but I'm taking it home!" his wife helped him figure out the draping.
it was the best afternoon of people watching ever. we are a city of actors, willing to brave dust mites for the sake of that fabulous miss havisham get up that will knock them dead at the rennaisance fair.
Friday, October 08, 2004
what?? using the same language you use to chase down terrorists to describe women who are making intimate decisions about their bodies?
and now msnbc is interviewing two 'security moms' - why can't they interview people who are actually interesting?
- i hate chris matthews. he's so fucking inane.
- i'm sorry but the audience look like republicans to me...
- bush looks constipated. 'there's a lot of pressures'
- i wish kerry would answer the question right away.
- 'global test' blah blah blah.
- kerry looks very tan. and it's the consensus of all of us here that kerry has nice hands.
- kerry kind of blathers...
- A-- has a very good point. every president has held a summit. what leader doesn't try to bring countries together?
- 'bunker busting' - sounds dirty!!
- dude. just run over charlie gibson, why don't you? rude!
- what's that on ann's jacket? it looks like a tribble.
- kerry needs to talk about funding states to counter terrorism.
- the medicare 'reform' is actually hurting seniors, though...
- A-- just called the preznit a 'fuckhead'
- how shrub can say that jobs are growing
- he wants to expand the wetlands by 3 million...what?
- it's the mistake question!
when is generation x going to step up and take over?? these gray hairs are killing me. overall bush was better than he was last time but he was also wrong - about jobs, healthcare, war and the environment. kerry could have been more focused.
hit 'em hard and hit 'em often.
let's hope kerry can stomp shrub into sourgrape mash this time around, too.
Looking like someone’s Scandinavian aunt, the Coach asked "So what makes you think you have problems with intimacy?"
I thought for a bit. “It. Freaks. Me. Out. I shut down. I cannot share, I don’t want to share, it means you’re needy. I don’t know how to do it. People keep talking about it and I have no freaking idea what they mean. Freaks. Me. Out.”
And it went downhill from there with me becoming a bit more incoherent – at one point even saying that being in a relationship is like being laid off. “You are in control of nothing. Someone else evaluates you and then you’re fired! But you don’t know what’s in your file! How do you know what’s going on??” I said.
Coach Carolyn smiled. “Have you tried talking to the person you’re with?”
Lady, if things were that simple, then I wouldn’t be having this issue. “No way! What if they say something I don’t want to hear? Like, you’re fired!” So clearly I have communication issues, too.
So she switched tactics and asked “What are you looking for? What is the context for this intimacy?”
I thought about it. “Well, I want something more than mere entertainment….and something less serious than marriage.”
Then she laughed until tears came into her eyes and put a * next to my comment in her notes.
What’s so funny? I’m totally serious.
today i'm dressed like a p.e. teacher. i HAVE to go shopping. or wake up earlier.