oh, blah.
nothing right now is grabbing my attention, either on the news or off. last week worked me so hard i was brain dead for the entire weekend. much to roomie's chagrin i watched hours of remington steele season 1 episodes, slipping immediately into my childhood pleasure. (i loved that show.) i have overdue library books, com'tee meetings and a huge fundraiser coming up next month at work that's just about ready to drive all of us insane at National NonProfit.
and - next weekend is my birthday. 36. it's depressing. my friends are treating me to a pink martini concert and that's great. i love them. i love my friends. it'll be wonderful. but i have to confess that i don't want to think any more than i have to about turning 36. i don't really want to celebrate it. i want it to disappear.
more and more i'm thinking about how invisible women become the older we get. or, maybe this is just about me. i'm feeling more invisible the closer i get to true middle age. it's like, ok if there's no rocking passion in my life at least let there be decadent fun. (yes i'm passionate about my work and about my writing but that doesn't keep a girl exactly excited, you know?) but no. no decadent fun. just age. more hairs in unmentionable places. more evidence of sagging and stretching.
even my bras have changed. from lacy cute things to utilitarian soviet-style underwear that really do the job. it's depressing, this 36. i may even be closer to early menopause than i thought previously. now that i think about it, my mom went nuts right before her 40th birthday. pre-menopause. insanity. dwindling desire. increased hair growth. more stretch marks. aching knees.
shit.
2 comments:
You know, I thought you were in your 20s when I met you. You look to be holding up all right.
I had no problem with 36, 37, or 38; they all seemed vaguely mid-30s-ish to me. 39, though? Sucks. No turning back.
I have a mathematician friend who had trouble turning 36 because that meant he had to start rounding up to 40. Me, I don't do rounding that early. But 39? Really can't avoid the rounding any more.
i'm mentally rounding up. 39 or 40 doesn't bother me.
36 is so...blah.
and thanks for the 20s thing - must be all that drinking and smoking i do!!
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