Wednesday, April 07, 2004

bachelor time

the best bachelor. ever. sort of. maybe.

but only if seeing 25 certifiably stupid women beg for attention from a 3rd-string quarterback qualifies as 'best.' (although the vomiting, crying, bitch-slapping and stalking pretty much guarantee i will watch this show to the very end, thus proving american culture has taken another step into the sinkhole.)

why do i watch this show? it could be boredom. it could be my secret passion for all things trash. i prefer to call it my deep devotion to the human condition. or just the icky thrill of seeing women do things i'd have to be drunk and/or high to do. guys have x-treme sportz; i have the 8 weeks of Bachelor-hell.

my predictions:

i bet the woman of color celeste goes only as far as the second round after getting stuck with only group dates. (they should name the second round Melanin Elimination; is it too much to ask that a brown girl/boy make it at least halfway?? come on, people! interracial dating is great! people do it all the time!!)
i bet he picks a blonde.
i bet they all lie about not having a one night stand. (no one's standards are that high - except, well, you know who you are.)
i bet the words 'awesome,' 'journey,' 'connection,' and the non-phrase 'as to what' get used waay too often and incorrectly.

i bet all their conversations are about nothing - don't these people talk about 'real' things? how about iraq? i'd flash my naked chest to my boss if, for once, the Bachelor asked one of those women what she thought about books, politics, culture or anything not pertaining to her psycho thirst for a rose.

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