Wednesday, June 02, 2004

a few months ago i blogged about the past coming back - old lovers and past objects of desire suddenly announced themselves again, throwing me into a slight disequilibrium. then i felt the past was a fruitless complication that either needed to be ignored or neutralized. and, for the most part, this happened. i ignored one and the other...well, relocating to korea has a way of neutralizing any need for immediate action.

but this past sunday at the bridal shower, ryan the astrologer looked at my chart and noted several events ripping the fabric i've worked really hard (like, with gritted teeth) to smooth out in my life. work: smooth. friends: smooth. lover: long-distance, but smooth. everything has its place and every place has its thing. nice. i fluttered my hand at ryan, positive that these little whatevers were insignificant.

i said to ryan, 'yes, i'm about to have a drink with an ex, but that means nothing. it's one drink; we don't even particularly like each other. and okay, i have a date with an older philosophy professor, but that doesn't mean it's going to go anywhere. he's old! like, really old! and yes, so the librarian may be visiting in august - he's a horrible trip planner, it might not even happen! these are not ominous events - they're coincidences that will simply disappear without much help from me.'

ryan just pursed his lips and moved on to the next chart. i am a firm believer that things are instrinsically simple; they have a way of working out without much input from anyone. they only get complicated when you make them so.

but then, last night on the el platform, the dry cool wind whipping at my dress, the trains clattering past full of Cubs fans, the Ex (el Equis) asking if we could start from scratch after two years, the afternoon's email from the Professor bright in my mind, the possibility of the Librarian visiting never far from my thoughts, everything got very very complicated and muddled.
oh, and my roommate seems to have relocated to an undisclosed location, sort of like dick cheney. from her undiscovered hamlet she sends out emails and requests, but her exact whereabouts remain a mystery.

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