a massive kick in the ass.
i swear my dad is going to give me a heart attack. i feel like i'm the mother of a stubborn, idiot teenager who won't listen to anything i say so i must resort to saying things very slowly, like Bill Cosby, and repeating questions like: can you understand me? do you understand why i'm telling you this?
when i tell him that i disagree with his choices and that his choices make me afraid for his future and upset me,thus making my chest hurt a little, what's his response?
"well, i won't tell you my plans for the future, then."
that's not the solution, old man! the correct answer is change your plans! they're bad plans!
jesus.
my left hand is sort of tingling. is that a bad sign?
6 comments:
Are you having a heart attack?
I once (I blame it on the pina colada) made the mistake of questioning my mother's choices after my dad died - and she laid into me and said such horrible things to me, I still haven't gotten over them (3 years later). I remember her saying something like that I had no idea what it was like to lose a husband, and that there was a widow's club and that I wasn't part of it (she then went on to denigrate me and my skills as a shrink - of which she knows nothing).
Afterwards I remember thinking that she had no idea what it was like to lose a parent prematurely (I was in my late 20s) - and to be the only child then of a parent who is pretty damned needy and mean (and thus I have sole responsibility for ensuring she is happy - luckily she is on the left coast, and I am not).
I guess all of that is to say I get some of the underlying dynamics of this and get some of what this might be like for you.
On a happier note - I went to F&T for the first time (woodfield - pretty easy to get there via public transport - plus mitsuwa is on the same bus route) - I think everything is on sale - and the have a good amount of stock - but it's like the same items in 3 gazillion sizes and colors. So, if you want to go, go soon.
thank you for understanding, shrinky. my father isn't cruel, but he is rather careless. and no, i don't think he realizes how his actions impact us, his children who have lost a parent prematurely and aren't looking forward to losing another anytime soon.
i get so angry with him. it's partially because i see aspects of my own personality in his and i don't see how he'll ever change. grr.
anyway, yes. i need to therapize myself and go to forth and towne before they shut doors forever. i've decided i only really like their skirts and jackets.
Damn - perhaps we need to stage an intervention when he is in town? In the more realistic alternative - retail therapy sounds smart.
a daddy smackdown would not be unwelcome. i wrote a long, patient, rational email to him yesterday and i hope it cracked him a little.
jeebus.
i need to buy a cute skirt.
and i need to do yoga more. that was the only thing that lowered my blood pressure yesterday - that, and half a bottle of Makers.
good gravy - what's he planning???
you know when aging parents suddenly go through another midlife crisis, except that it's not midlife and the crisis would have far reaching consequences if things went totally FUBAR?
well, my dad's about to make several such decisions. he's selling the house, wants to move into a mobile park home (gross!) and then has no plan to figure out how exactly he's going to live on a limited income.
oh, and he totally ignores what my sister and i say. like, totally ignores us. like, we have to funnel our messages through my freaking brother in law. why? because he's a man!
yes, my father is that sexist.
grrr.
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