instead of the right and left jabbering on about spousal/parental notification laws, i think we should debate this instead:
should a parent be responsible for his/her noisy child in a public venue when said kid kicks up a fuss?
like spousal notification, a law allowing a business to set the parameters of parent/child relations in the public sphere would foster greater communication, not only between parent and child but also business owner and patron. for all those involved, expectations are managed.
a law like this, as in spousal notification, would also help the greater good. by asking children to be on their best behavior, cafes would truly be oases of relaxation, commerce would roll forward unimpeded, and all patrons would be able to enjoy a stimulating cuppa.
of course, there are those who say that it is not a cafe owner's job to regulate the relationship between father/mother/caregiver and child. we say, of course it is. for when you leave your home and enter a public space you are entering the public home of another - the business owner. your relationship has left the private sphere and entered a public one, making it subject to the rules of public behavior. if you want privacy and liberty you should stay home.
(for those are the only choices we have here: go out/stay home.)
and there are others who are determined to argue that asking a child to behave is just too hard; it's an undue burden. nonsense. it's only a burden because you're a bad parent. and if you are, indeed, a bad parent then asking you to assert more parental control is a good tutorial for future parent/child interactions.
do not whine or complain. rather, subsume your private childrearing failures to the will of the Public, or the State. once surrendered, you'll find that the law is more than adequate to manage your family. who cares if how you raise your child is no one's business? we've made it our business because you've entered our business. who cares if you bristle at the thought of someone telling you what to do with the product of your various fluids? the Public/State is heartily offended you don't see the moral need for early basic social skills.
beware the punitive and watchful eye of the Public/State.
8 comments:
i am a big fan of well-behaved kids. not the spooky silent kids, but the ones who know that outside isn't the same as inside. i was having coffee with someone and her son, adorable and smart guy that he is, was being a natural 4 yr old. he was chatty, playful and totally natural. but he didn't freak out. and his mom was totally well aware of when to step in.
but i think the servers who warn everyone, 'ok, we got a screamer!' - that's just wrong. it's too deliberately confrontational and snide. and the boycott, just because a proprietor dares to ask everyone be on their best behavior? come on. let's not get alarmist here.
can't we all, childless/childfull, all get along?
Ooh, girl, you're itchin' for a fight. My son behaves much better now (after a couple years of occupational therapy to help him "regulate" his behavior), but there were times when, you know, the in-laws were in town and we all had to go out to dinner, and the boy was having a rough time dealing, and he threw beverages, and whatnot. He wasn't the one screaming, though. That would be me. Or maybe I was just crying. Damn, parenthood can be hard (and being a kid can be hard). It's much easier now. It definitely makes more sense to take a little kid somewhere like IHOP, where nobody's really expecting a quiet grown-up setting, and they give the kids crayons.
no, no fight! (i don't really think anyone's a failure if their kids act up! i actually just liked using the spousal notification language...)
it is hard. my sister and her husband are brave to go out in public with their toddler.
Okay, my friend Charlie has written a post in defense of children as, um, human beings. He and Dr. B, apparently, were among the few to stand up for children as members of society at Shakespeare's Sister, where the other comments were all ranty about kids at cafes.
You know what I want to do? I want to go to Taste of Heaven without my kid, and I want to be loud and obnoxious. I should get drunk first and go there for dessert. Who's with me?
I'm with you, Orange.
But I liked Ding's post. I took it as double-edged; using the spousal notification language to point out how intrusive the whole second-guessingi parents and banning kids thing is, while also, of course, recognizing that kids who make nuisances of themselves are, well, nuisances.
And if I'm the mom w/ 4-yo referred to in that post, believe me--much as I enjoyed coffee with you, PK's restlessness that day had me at the end of my rope. I live in fear of adding fuel to the "people shouldn't take kids anywhere" rhetoric...
orange: since i like spitting in the eye of authority, i'll join you, too.
bphd: i'm so glad you got my post. i thought it was too 'huh? what is she saying? i don't get it!'
and though PK was restless, he was utterly adorable (and SO smart!) and i think you're a great mom. when i grow up and i ever have a kid you and my sister are my role models.
See, that's why they pay Dr. B the big bucks teaching textual interpretation. Some days my reading comprehension skills fall by the wayside.
reading comphrehension is not to blame when an experiment in snark is wobbly!
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