Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I have apologized to my coworkers for being such a flaming bitch during the entire month of February. I think my mood will be much better in March, especially once I refill my Ativan prescription.  The snow is gone, the sun is out, and I don't have to wear snow boots anymore; how interesting that my mood is directly related to how cute I am able to look.  For instance, today is all about the Naughty Librarian With Red Pumps.  I feel fabulous; I look fabulous. I smell good.

Happy Tuesday to all!
...
So I think my sister L- will be moving back in with dad.  He seems to think she's on solid ground, but is worried that my brother in law is about to lose it.  (As am I; though he's a very cool guy, he is rather regimented.  And we all know what happens when regimented people crack their shit up.) While I'm concerned for everyone back in LA - especially my dad, who is SO not prepared to have one of his daughters move back in with him and put a crimp in his 66-year old bachelor lifestyle - my thoughts naturally, of course, turn to me.  What does my sister's divorce mean to me??

My bottom line: Sweet lord, I'm so glad I'm not married!  Marriage is apparently crazy-making. It carries a psychological and cultural expectation of permanence that doesn't encourage one to be in the Now - it's all about two inexorably bound timelines that stretch waaaaay into the future. Like, into Eternity. That is a lot of pressure. And I'm so glad I don't have it!

I mean, yes. I love M-.  He is my guy.  But we live in two different spaces. We spend days apart doing our own thing.  Our timelines, while running alongside each other's for a bit, aren't bound. They can diverge, oh yes they can. There is no expectation of Eternity. Oh, there's an expectation of mutual monogamy (though we've tentatively discussed other arrangements - as well as mutually decided our relationship is too new for us to get too creative with its structure.) But there's no expectation of frakking Eternity.

I try to imagine myself married and I can't get past imagining what I'll wear to the courthouse for a civil ceremony.  (I'm thinking a creamy, soft suit with nipped in jacket and pencil skirt and some kind of nifty hat. And really really hot shoes. And nude fishnets.) Or, if I get past that, I think of the small, intimate afternoon luncheon at a nice French restaurant afterward.  Then that's it. My imagination goes dark.

Anyway, I know there are a few among all 15 of my readers who enjoy their marital state and this is not to say y'all are chumps.  I think y'all are champs

You have chosen, however, a life structure that confuses me to the core. 

Ok, it's after 9. Carry on!

4 comments:

Orange said...

Marriage doesn't make everyone crazy, or stifle them. I like having someone to travel through life with, someone to take care of me and be taken care of. Someone who makes me laugh and laughs at my jokes. Someone who shares my core values and a galaxy of other values.

In a previous post, you asked where you and M+ would stay when you visit L.A. In a hotel! So you can be lovebirds without having relatives on the other side of the bedroom wall.

Delia Christina said...

you are correct: it's not crazy making for everyone. just my family.

i've thought of the hotel idea...after all, what's the point of traveling with your guy when you can't frolic? hmph.

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Anonymous said...

I hope you marry M. I do. I think you will be fine as a wife.