Tuesday, September 22, 2009

my friends are silly

last night:

T- : so what if M- proposes over dinner on Friday?
Ding: what??
XRoomie: come on. you know there's a possibility.
Ding: no way. i already know what he's getting me. art.

T- : really?
Ding: yeah. i mentioned i liked this guy at the craft fair, he asked for his website and later he mentioned that he ordered something for me online. so it's art.
XRoomie: you are so bad at reading these things. reading everything.
Ding: he's not going to propose. it's - what - month #5, 6? don't be crazy.

XRoomie: what are you going to do if he does? you'll have to tell him to back off.
Ding: SIGH. he's NOT going to propose! he's getting me art for my birthday! hiroshi akiyama!
T- : what if he gives you a promise ring.
Ding: i'm going home.

We are in our blasted 40s (or at least late 30s) but you wouldn't think it to hear us. If folks want to see a ring, they better look in H-'s direction.

But to clear the air, how do I know M- won't suddenly go insane and pull a Bill the Vampire on Friday over dinner at Perennial?

Because he's not that type of guy. He'd want to do things traditionally: meet the family, ask permission. We haven't even exchanged keys (though that, lately, has crept into conversation); we don't even have personal drawers or closet space at the other person's house (though he left a white t-shirt the other day and where am I supposed to put that?)

Maybe this is something my friends haven't considered, but we've actually talked about this. We're not at the ring-popping stage. Saying 'Love you!' at the end of phone conversations? Sure. Ring-popping? No.

If romantic comedies are useful, they provide a handy guide to relationship progression. (Just think of every montage in every movie you've ever seen.) There's the shopping together, cooking together, hanging out with each others' friends, long walks through trees, the weekend away, the road trip, the real vacation together, the visit to the family, the holidays with the family, the crisis, the big fight, the big reconciliation, THEN the velvet box comes out.

See? We're not even close to that.

(However, we are now publicly 'out' as a couple on Facebook. We are no longer 'dating.' We are in a 'relationship.' I guess movies haven't caught up to that, yet.)

Has a corner been turned? Yes. Things have settled into...something and it feels nice. I like it. I'm struggling with my schedule (and he gets that) but, so far, what's not to enjoy about this? I really don't need the specter of some bullshit, hetero-coercive ring messing up my head.

Whatever. He's getting me art for my birthday.


jp 吉平 said...

*humming wedding march and grinning*

No Nonsense said...

oh dear!

Don't use the movies as a template because they are just that.

He could propose a little after the holidays after he has met the family, and that's only a few months away.

ding said...

you people have all been brainwashed by the wedding industrial complex.

he got me art. really cool art. or earrings (because i only have one pair.)

liza said...

I'm pretty sure your chums are winding you up. I mean, it's so *easy*.
Also, Happy Happy Birthday!

And yeah: life is just like the movies. *snort*

Anonymous said...

The way you and M's relationship has developed has been so cute and... interestingly, romantic. :) and a large part of it is because of your skepticism about it. :)

Orange said...

Wait, when did you start replying "Love you!"? Did I miss the memo? W00t!

You should put his white t-shirt in your underwear drawer. Then he'll love it because of the company it keeps.

This guy might be just besotted enough with you to blurt out a proposal despite the intention of doing it the traditional way. Don't be surprised to get an engagement piece-of-foil-from-the-leftovers because he's overwhelmed by the urge to know that you'll be with him always.

ding said...

Good lord. Now I'll be paranoid about the foil.

And, yes. The mutual 'I heart you's took place offstage. Just recently.

I figured, on a scale of 1-10 (10 being The Greatest Love of All) I'm at least an 8.5/9 so I can say 'love' with a lowercase /l/.

Makes sense, yeah?

Orange said...

You know the shift key in your mind is getting itchy, don't you? It's been so very patient.

Songbird said...

I'm loving this, whatever you get for your birthday.