without going into too much graphic detail (ahem) last night was ... revealing.
1. M- is not as vanilla as i thought. i'm always guilty of assuming one thing about a person and then completely surprised when they lift the mask a little and what's underneath bears only a slight resemblance to what i thought i had seen. who'd have thought there were thoughts about voyeurism, bathroom sex, and all manner of naughtiness lurking in that nice guy mind of his?
at some point during the backyard movies double feature (Shaun of the Dead and Creepshow), he leaned over and said, 'you know the only thing that i would say really bugs me about our seeing each other is that we're only having sex about once a week.'
i knew i had been keeping track of how many times we had sex but, for some reason, had no idea he was keeping tabs, too. (see how i assume things?)
'i know we're both busy and your job has been really crazy, and with my work and stuff but, babe, i think we need to make an effort,' he said.
and then started a conversation, in the middle of a stranger's backyard, about how much fooling around time we require. let's just say that an expectation has been mutually set to both parties' satisfaction.
2. it all goes back to our families. while we were in the backyard of my local comic book joint, watching movies projected onto the garage, we sat on hard benches holding hands and talked in low voices about our families. i don't know if i've ever said it here, but watching my parents together (especially during periods of crisis) was a little intense for me. their brand of loyalty and fierce commitment to one another just made me think that i would never have the brass to handle that kind of commitment to another person.
M- is the exact opposite; because of what was missing in his parents' relationshig, the intense partnership that scares me, makes him focused. he wants that loyalty, fierce commitment, intense belonging to another person. it doesn't scare him at all; it is something he really really needs.
3. i'm slowly becoming used to the idea of Being Two. last night, a young woman sat next to me on the bench behind the comic book store. i scooted over, making room for M- when he got back from the bathroom and she and i started to chat about how we knew the different folks there.
when M-returned and sat next to me, she glanced at the two of us and asked, 'and how do the two of you know each other?'
M- took my hand. 'we're dating.'
she smiled. 'oh, that's neat! how did you guys meet?'
i said to M-, 'why don't you tell that story.'
he said, 'we met on Match.' and we went on to tell her about meeting for drinks, hitting it off and taking down our profiles the next day.
M- said, 'i actually had to fight with them to close out my account. i had just signed up and they were giving me a hard time and i kept saying dammit, i met someone, i met my match, let me out of this fucking agreement already. i had to speak to someone's supervisor.'
'that's so sweet,' i said. 'you escalated it!'
'damn straight. i'd escalate anything for you, hon'.' and he kissed my cheek.
the woman looked at us and said, 'that's so cute. how long were you guys single before you met?'
'um, i was extricating myself from a, uh, long-term situation right when i met M-,' i said.
'she had a Friend with Benefits thing going on,' M- said, feeling no compunction against sharing all my business. 'i was out of a relationship for about a year and a half. i'd gone on a couple of dates but when i met Ding, that was it.'
sometimes i don't know how to process hearing him say these things so matter of factly. but it's not like i'm telling him to shut up - so, on some level i must feel the same way. (i just don't say it because i'm a chicken shit.)