Monday, July 28, 2008

Jitter jitter jitter.

What's with this free-floating anxiety today? I've had this feeling before - right before prelims.

There doesn't seem to be a reason for it. I had a wonderful weekend (loved the Randolph Antique Market and caught a movie with Roomie), cocktailed a little bit yesterday while watching TV and, this morning, woke up bright and early, managing to pull together an unexciting, yet serviceable, outfit; once in the office, I even managed to fob off a tedious project onto an intern. The day is golden!

What could possibly be bothering me??

Could it be the rather long Monday to-do list over there on my work notebook?
Could it be my body's way of marking the halfway point of the summer?
Could it be my body's way of telling me I'm kind of bored with stuff right now?

Or could it my body telling me I don't want to have coffee with MM on Wednesday but would rather get my eyebrows done? Hm. Coffee with MM, eyebrows. Eyebrows, MM.

So hard to tell. Clearly, I need to play tennis tonight to relax.
...
Two coworkers today sent me two articles from the Trib about race. I can't take it anymore (which is why I'm not linking to them - my head will explode.) I am declaring a month's moratorium on all things racial as of now. I have one month left of summer and I don't want to spend it gnashing my teeth about people's inability to make friends with brown people.

Because that's what needs to happen. If folks want to see this country's racial issues die down, then folks need to make friends with some other people in another ethnic group.
...
Back to my anxiety.
It's not bills (which are paid.)
It's not health (though it is time for my Pap.)
It's really not sex (which should be taken care of this weekend.)
It's not friends (who are all super busy like me this summer.)
It's not family (even Dad's sort of normal this time.)
And it's not future fears (I'm back to being cool about future change.)

What is it??
Now my stomach is burning. Frak. Maybe it's just heartburn.

Or, maybe it's PMS. I feel like I should either have a good crying jag, punch someone in the face or romp around on a bed of marshmallows while eating Doritos. Hm. It's starting to feel like PMS.

2 comments:

liza said...

This sounds so familiar. The thing is with free floating jangliness is that it can so quickly turn into fretting about fretting. Having an answer, even a totally fictionalized one is always helpful, that's why god made shrinks, and journals, and now that I think about it,blogs.

ding said...

It's especially why shrinks, blogs and journals were invented.

I think the anxiety is guy-related. This dating thing is making me tense. Actually, it's not the dating, it's the guys. The ones I don't like I'm having a really visceral reaction against. I don't want to read their messages or take their calls. I want them all to disappear.

Ugh. Anxiety.