what game? the game of 'crazy'?? (and other matters)

the briskly acerbic manola says tom 'alien' cruise "turns a perfectly good franchise into a seriously strange vanity project, as the simpering brunette is swept into a new world by a dashing operative for a clandestine organization." i only wish i could be sure said brunette wasn't tom.
Mission: Impossible III - Review - Movies - New York Times
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so my father sends me an email of all the shows on broadway the other day: "help me pick a play! what should i go see??"

i call him immediately. 'you're going to new york? and since when do you like theater??'
perhaps my father's new, mid-life crisis convertible lexus is only the beginning of my father's incipient slide into metrosexuality.

'yeah, girl,' he says. 'new york! whoo!'
'uh, when? and why?'

my father has been talking about visiting new york for years. he's never been and, until now, never had a chance to go. but, you see, my dad has the travel skills of mr. magoo; when he took a cruise to alaska, my sister and i worried he'd get stuck in vancouver or fall overboard. we worry that being a widower for the past 5 years has rendered him incapable of dealing with the big, bad world. and what is new york other than the biggest and the baddest the world has to offer?

my dad says, 'oh, somewhere during the summer. i'm going to the monterrey jazz fest in september so maybe august.'

'who are you going with?' a suspicion has begun to niggle.
'well, i was thinking of seeing [a family friend] while i was here. i thought he and i could go together. maybe catch some jazz.'
'uh-huh. so, you like musicals?' my father wouldn't know the difference between 'bali hai' or a mai tai.
'well, no, but see - this woman...'
'i knew it! you are going to new york for a date!'

let's break for a moment. technically, i am not against traveling to meet an online, uh, fling. my entire dating history between 2001 and 2004 was all about nerve.com-inspired travel. but my 62-year old father last had a date in 1967 - with my mom.

i say, 'dad, you are in NO shape to fend off the advances of an aggressive, older, divorced jamaican woman.' for some reason, jamaican and african women looove my dad.
and my father just laughs which forces me to say, 'she IS older, right?'
he just laughs again.

eventually, my father confesses: an older, divorced african (ha!) woman contacted him over email; a friend of hers had told her about my father's website (don't ask) and she thought his posted photo was attractive. so, they begin an email correspondence and then she offers to pay for a couple of broadway tickets if he comes to visit. he says she offered to buy a pair of tickets for my dad and 'a friend' and then suggested that perhaps the two of them could have dinner - at the ritz, maybe.

all the alarms in my head are sounding. no woman offers to pay for theater tickets for two without imagining herself as one of the two. i was totally right: a woman on the make for my dad! and my father has no idea where he's going to stay, how he's going to get around. i'm worried. my dad - wandering around new york, like a west coast country mouse, chased by a hungry cat!

so long story short: i'm planning a father/daughter trip to new york in the fall. i know. it's weird. i'm sacrificing a really good time in new york to make sure my dad doesn't get roofied, mugged, or married.

who's traveled with their parents before? and where should we stay? i was thinking about a few B&B's in harlem.