the dinner party was lovely. i love my friends - not only are they funny as hell, they have style, they can cook (when we've had a week to prepare ourselves) and they appreciate effort. and what a lot of effort we went to!
(in fact, at one point of the night, we bemoaned - unfairly, perhaps? - the fact that not very many of the single men we knew went to this kind of effort at all.)
Roomie tapped into her midwestern hostess geneology and laid a spectacular table - gorgeous silver, great big fat goblets for wine, ruby water glasses and silver candleabra (how the hell do you spell that?) over a creamy white silky tablecloth sprinkled with little sparkly glass beads that caught the light. vintage linen napkins rolled in heavy silver napkin rings were perfect and pretty. T- brought over a delicate orchid as a hostess gift that played nice with the simple red tulip arrangement and the teeny, pretty as can be calla lilies that Roomie bought the day before.
the menu:
1st course - two amuses: an onion tartelet of puff pastry and cooked with thyme and butter (so yummy) and the salmon mousse on toast, drizzled with a bright green chive oil (ti wasn't my favorite, but it did look very feminine and pretty)
2nd course - roasted tomato soup with fresh basil and crusty artisanal bread, accompanied by a really round fruity white wine that i can't recall
3rd course - endive salad with pear, topped with a gorgonzola and honey dressing (which went well with the champagne we had been drinking before the meal got started)
4th course - meat tortellini with a prosciutto/cream sauce, baked in a puff pastry sarcophagus, as well as a filet of baked red snapper in a champagne sauce with fresh green beans and red peppers on the side, paired with a very nice white burgundy (i think it was called Mayhem & Mischief)
5th course - K-'s gastronomic chocolate topper: a little chocolate cake with a kapow of chipotle, three handmade truffles (one was topped with sea salt and it was so good we all just ruminated on that for a while), a lime cream in the shape of a heart, meringue 'cigarettes' and the whole thing was paired with a very manly shot of vodka. dude. we all agreed that she won the Top Chef moment of the night.
6th course - the very nice cheese plate from T- that was a nice finisher to the chocolate and vodka we'd consumed.
then we sat around the table while the candles burned down, smoked our cigs, drank the rest of the wine and champagne until the table was a wonderful decadent mess of ashtrays, half empty wine glasses, cheese and silver. i took a few pictures and everything had a really great golden glow.
the night reminded me of those nights back in grad school when we wanted to distract ourselves from our deprivation and depression and we'd throw over the top, elaborate dinners and hang out with YF because she was the best cook and we'd sit at her long table in her quirky victorian studio, eating and drinking until we staggered home. i have a few photos from one of those dinners: you can see the packs of french cigarettes, the bottles of wine, the wine and sauce stains on the white tablecloth, profiles of heated faces caught in mid conversation, the over flowing ash trays.
every night you're with friends should be like this, don't you think?
(and then i think about the brief phone call i had with S- yesterday, when she called me from the traffic in los angeles. and, again, she mourned the death of her past life - now it was teaching at a local university and constant daycare for her two children instead of nights with friends and going out.
i said, 'S-. you have to stop that. there's no point to wishing or missing what's gone. your life is different now. all of that - it's over.'
she said, 'i know. but what about you? is it all work and nothing else? don't you miss what it was before?'
'no. because i'm at a different point now. i hate bars and clubs - i don't miss it at all; so while there's tons of work, there's also hanging out with my friends at my place, there're movies, dinners, visits, cocktails. it's just different - better, more livable. and...i don't have kids. i have the freedom to schedule around what i want. there's no one else depending on me for sustenance.'
she sighed. 'i know. it's just that we never go out, we never see anyone, my house is full of toys, it's a mess, my mom is living with us because we can't cope with everything and it just sucks, you know?'
and while i made sympathetic noises, i also felt a little superior. i did! i couldn't help it. i just did. so there.)
8 comments:
i don't understand why you felt superior. do tell.
I can hazard a guess: because single women are supposed to be lonely and sad and "missing" some elusive thing in their lives. I get it, I really do get it.
I think Ding is right; every night with friends should be like that.
But kids or no kids, you have to make taking care of yourself and living well a priority if you want it to happen (whether that means dates, friends, or just time by yourself to breathe); its pretty easy to get sucked into work and bitching about it, or spinning in a vortex of anxiety about anxiety and never seeing friends or having any actual leisure time (or maybe that's more likely with academics who are friends with each other).
Sounds like a lovely dinner party; makes me want to throw one.
i always feel superior when i talk with this particular friend. she frustrates the hell out of me. it's part of our dynamic.
and, yes, sometimes i do feel a tinge superior in the face of the dominant paradigm: 'nyah, nyah, you're doing everything you ought and you can't keep it together and i didn't and i rock.'
but, in this case, it's less the latter and more the former. S- makes me lose my temper faster than a college republican: with all the breaks she's had, all she does is complain about how hard and different and weird things are and she NEVER takes steps to change things. everything is such a traumatic surprise to her. argh.
if your house is a mess, and you can afford it, hire someone; if you want to explore your new city, then effing do it; if you want to spend some time with your husband without the kids, then leave them with your mom (who's living with you!) and frakking hit the town.
don't call me and whine that los angeles is different from chicago and you have no friends! you just moved there! i know!! aagh.
is the dominant paradigm the scenario that liza mentioned? it never occurred to me that a married woman with children should feel superior or inferior to a single woman sans children. and what does "you're doing everything you ought. . . and i didn't" mean?
are you kidding?
if the dominant paradigm is defined by what appears in our media, public policy, television, talk shows, movies and books, then absolutely.
if there is still a significant population that's totally ignored it's mine: single, sans dependents, and working. where's our tax policy/tax break? where's our balanced working place and options? where's our retirement plan for the future? where's our affordable housing in the city, that's amenable to our needs?
the coupled heterosexual is our culture's default setting and it's getting a little tired that those who don't choose this default setting get short shrift (when all trends point to this group growing in number).
and as for superiority, check out any public discourse when there's a discussion on mommies and working mommies or women who don't want to be mommies; the hostility is palpable.
you don't have a retirement plan? (i know that's not necessarily what this is all about, but.. ) you don't have a retirement plan?
Completely unrelated, but I thought you should know that Gap is closing all Forth and Towne stores "by June."
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/1310AP_Gap_Forth__Towne.html
shrinky
devastated.
totally devastated.
where the frak am i going to buy work clothes now??
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