over in churchgal land, i'm losing my temper over the mommy wars.
i shouldn't have called Happy Mom bitchy.
but she pissed me off.
i'll be the first to admit that i'm not a child-friendly person. i was with old friends this weekend, and they have kids; we were looking for a place to eat and i suggested the food court. i said, 'it has wide aisles for the stroller, it has something for everyone and it's kid-friendly. affordable.' and my friend's husband said, 'wow, totally not like you at all. affordable, kid-friendly and accessible.' fucker.
but thanks to folks like bitch ph.d and orange (and the kick ass women they have at their own communities) and to my gig working to 'empower women and eliminate racisim' i've learned more about the connections between us single/childless women and women who care for kids. big epiphany: mommy issues *are* feminist issues and vice versa. i've learned a lot about the burdens that working mothers bear, the pressures on stay at home moms to be everything to everyone, the judgments that land on single gals like me who just may be indifferent to child rearing and create our worlds to make sure we remain childless. i've learned about these things and about how all our disparate issues aren't so disparate after all. again, mommy issues *are* feminist issues, even though i won't ever be a mommy.
(psst. it's all about the patriarchy.)
but i got a little frustrated over at churchgal with the whole 'bad mommy' blame game going on and i'm tired of churchy housewives stepping over who don't know how to look at things critically as a 'system' and instead take criticism of the system as some fracking personal assault. they ask the wrong questions, they jump to conclusions and they don't know how to stay on point. i hate it.
(yeah, i know. i may have learned a lot but didn't seem to learn humility. frack humility. where's that gotten us except where we are?)
the good thing, though, is that i found a cool website for mommies and social change. they write intelligently about mommy issues and sometimes they come down a little conservative and sometimes they're unexpectedly radical. it's a good read and a good resource.
(and for those critical thinking/social change writer-mommies out there, they want to publish your stuff.)
12 comments:
My God. I went over to that comment thread. What an idiot.
My 6'5", former college athlete, fantasy football player, sports nut, stay-at-home dad of a husband will be so happy to know that he is an emasculated wimp (was that the phrase) for "letting me" support the family as a professor. And I'm so glad to know I care nothing for the welfare of my daughter! I could have sworn I did. Silly me.
So glad there are people like Happy Mom around to set us straight!
Go get em, ding. Thanks for the other link, by the way--cool stuff.
And, fwiw, from what I've read on your blog, you're very child-friendly. Anyone who gets that "mommy issues" *are* feminist issues is a friend to children everywhere.
Prof Mama,
thanks. it's amazing i've kept my delete finger so calm over there...
i really wish some kick ass mommies would come on over and help out! my childless shoulders are too weak for this! (whine whine)
i just responded today that the difference between her position and mine is that as a feminist i'll still fight for her universe - will she do the same for mine?
Okay, I'll go kick some (belated) ass over there. I don't work outside the home, but damn! I gotta get some time away from the kid or I go bonkers.
"Mrs. Waldman"?!? I know why Happy Mom doesn't work outside the home. She's too damned obtuse to have a career. She can't write her way out of a paper bag, but I sure wish she'd find a nice paper bag to seal herself inside of.
Okay, I left a nice long comment. Yes, I was a tad superior and bitchy to Happy Mom. So sue me. I do feel superior to her and want to bitch about her remarks!
thank you, orange!
you were brilliant.
my churchy alter-ego thanks you.
prof mama, you rock! It seems to me that women will never have equality in the workplace until men have equality in the home. Men won't have equality in the home until a) men want it, and b) women want them to have it. While conceding that a) is by far the bigger hurdle, b) is a problem as well.
Recent studies have shown that women who are professionally successful tend to look for mates who are at least as professionally successful as they are. The idea I suppose is that why would a women who has worked so hard to get where she is want to marry a "loser?" Said another way, professionally successful women tend to devalue home life as much as most men, and hence don't view men who do value home life as desirable mates. But of course it is precisely professionally successful women who are most able (for financial reasons) to provide opportunities for men who want to push the boundries of what it is acceptable for men to do in the home. It's nice to see someone getting past this.
oh good gravy - how did you persevere through all of that blather?
i am a stay-at-home mom and a homeschooling mom and even I don't agree with happy mom. and i love my husband more than my children.
thanks for acknowledging that mommy issues can be included feminist issues. conservatives often lump all feminists together and are shocked to think a feminist would support a stay at home mom (i say that as a conservative, myself).
anyway. for what it's worth. . .
greg, i never thought about it that way...but that would seem to be an ideal solution - for us professional gals to find the guy who values the domestic just as some of us don't. i remember an old essay that made the rounds when i was in grad school: 'i want a wife.'
but it seems like at least a century of reculturation before that happens...
JC,
glad to see you back!
(you have a new little one, right?)
and i barely persevered. i felt like we were talking through mud.
My two cents worth. HM does have some very strong views especially on roles in a family. She never ruled out that she was against women having certain rights. At least I did not read that. She just didn't like men at home taking care of "their" children and women working,I think that was her main point, or was it the jackass male or your mother and father or what was the main topic? She is traditional mom at home with some very strong traditional views, that's it. My mom would love her, my sister would hate her!!!! I think some of you have a problem with people disagreeing with your views.
I can disagree with her and leave it at that, without slinging mud!
It's like you're being a sore loser. Get over it! Right, Ding?
i have people who disagree with me all the time (jesus chick is one of them), but i admittedly have a difficulty enduring poor argumentation and folks who don't seem to read very well.
i'm all set to disagree with HM but, like i said to her, i'm ideologically willing to accept and respect her choices (which was never the point of the exchange - i wanted the exchange to be about the guy who wrote the article, but never mind) - she wasn't willing to do the same.
HM couldn't/didn't talk about the different choices different women make - and why they make them.
she wanted to talk about the rightness of *her* decisions and assuming a LOT of things about my personal life. she had a poor grasp of women's history, an even poorer grasp of syntax and she made my head hurt.
i'm impatient. sue me.
(snort)
i'll keep that in mind, ben.
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