Satuday night, randomly, Moving In Together popped up again. I like having my own space and doing my own thing (and being in control of my own finances) so I don't take moving in together lightly. We were at a local bar with a friend when I very very casually mentioned it.
'But I'd need a few things first,' I said. 'I want to be in a safe neighborhood, I don't want to be sooo far from my friends and there need to be things in the neighborhood to do.'
'Ok,' M- said. 'I want a few things: parking, enough room for us and our stuff, and a safe neighborhood for you so I don't worry about you.'
'Aww. Ok, one more thing. A cleaning lady. This is non-negotiable. I'd want a cleaning lady.'
He gave me a look that I took to mean 'Ok, my girlfriend is a snooty bitch' and I said, 'I've had one before and she'd only need to come once a month for a maintenance clean, so things don't get out of control. And it's not that expensive.' I named a price.
'Holy shit. That's it?? We should have her every week!'
So, sold on the cleaning lady.
When we were brushing our teeth, more 'must-haves' popped up.
'Babe, I need more towels. If we move in together, I want enough towels so we only use them once a day,' he said.
'Uh, that's a lot of laundry.' I imagined becoming a slave to laundry like my mother and sister. 'Ok, then I'd need an apt with an in-unit washer/dryer.'
In bed, before drowsing off, he said, 'We can move in together whenever you're ready. You like doing your own thing so if you want to keep your apartment a while longer, that's cool.'
'You're ok with the way things are going?'
'Yes. I love spending time with you whenever I can. I love you. So when you're ready, we'll do it.' He flopped over. 'The only thing I hate is your mattress. When we move in together the first thing we're doing is getting a new bed.'
I kept my love for my mattress to myself. Choosing battles is important.
Our relationship has lasted a little over 18 months and I'm still waiting for this man to turn into a psycho and he hasn't. I might have to finally put my trust and intimacy crap to bed and embrace that M- is a normal, loving guy who only wants to be happy with me and for me.