Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Team America, Meet Feminist Theory: Yeah, I get it.

You know, except for its rampaging sexism and homophobia, Team America was pretty funny.

Funny: ‘freedom costs a buck-oh-five’ montage, puppet sex, the vomit, the violence. When the Eiffel Tower falls and crashes into the Arc d’ Triomphe, I almost choked on my Diet Coke. Oh, and when the terrorists crash into the Sphinx, explode, and the Sphinx head totally lands on the wreckage? Funny. And Spottwood’s careening chair? Classic. Funny. Kim Jung Il’s song of loneliness? Hilarious. Sharing feelings while shooting Koreans from the sky? Totally funny. “Durka durka jihad jihad ali”? Completely funny.

Not funny: Dicks, pussies, and assholes. F.A.G. (Film Actors Guild) (every time a puppet said ‘fag’ I just cringed. I hate that word.)

Basically, their whole world theory is “It’s better to be a dick than a pussy or asshole because dicks fuck both.” Without dicks, pussies would be useless, assholes would shit on everything and we’d all be fucked. From what I could see, dicks are apparently the preemptive strike (white) guys and the gun-totin’ babes who love them; pussies are ‘faggy’ liberals, protesters, other world powers and feminists; and assholes are terrorist nutbag dictators who want to screw up everything because we screwed up their lives or they have personal issues.

One word: PHALLOCENTRISM.

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