some lessons:

1. never buy condoms made in india.
2. never send your tuxedo'd widower father on a cruise to alaska or he'll totally have a Lost in Translation experience with a bartendress who is YOUR AGE!!
3. never read Cargo magazine in a cafe while your lover slumps across the table from you smoking marlboro reds and there's lint in his beard: he'll never survive the comparison
4. never assume lesbian girlfriends share information
5. never make your friends pick out your boyfriend from a crowd of gay men
7. never buy condoms made in india. (Inspiral, you can kiss my ass!)
8. never eat indian food then go to punk rock night at delilah's (belch)
9. never forget (and reconcile somehow) that your girlfriends are ALWAYS going to be cooler and funnier than your lovers
10. however, never underestimate the improved quality of sleep when there's another warm butt in bed with yours.