I have come to the conclusion that the female sex is, to put it bluntly, crazy. Over the weekend I had the dubious pleasure of witnessing not just one female friend melt down, but two! And – they hailed from opposite ends of the sexual spectrum! So it’s official – gay or straight, women are nuts. (and, yes, to a lesser extent, I include myself in this group.)

H—showed up to poker on Friday night one hour late and 3 sheets to the wind. Tricked out in a ruched blouse, skinny trousers and strappy sandals, she was the fanciest poker player ever. She’d breathlessly extricated herself from an event at Marshall Fields and was ready to … do something. Not play poker, that’s for sure. We were already in the middle of a very casual and EDUCATIONAL warm up game with T—and had eased into a nice rhythm. Then H—plopped down, started flailing about like a low-rent Holly Golightly and the evening became (how shall I say?) strained. It was like playing poker with a senile aunt. Stories ended in mid-thread, topics mis-matched, giggles erupted out of nowhere. And then there was the plain weird capriciousness:

‘why aren’t there blue chips?’
‘because we’re using red and white.’
‘but there should be blue chips.’
‘why?’
‘more leverage.’
‘what?’
‘well, more to play with. Blue chips. Blue chips.’
‘what?’

T—was so nice, he gave her a whole stack of blue chips while the rest of us just burned and went all in. And then there was C--. I won’t be totally indiscreet but there’s something wrong when, in the middle of poker, there are 2 frantic and emotionally intense phone calls (to different girls) in the bathroom while everyone else just sits and tries not to talk about what’s happening in the bathroom. Sample sentence: “And so I told her I loved her. And I do! I think. Anyway, yeah, I love her. But then there’s X. I think she’s cute, too. So I love Y and I like X. And now I’m going to lose both! I never win!”

Not when you play love-poker, darling.
…
Another weekend epiphany: one cannot drink copious amounts of alcohol without your liver finally collapsing in exhaustion. If I see another Cosmo, I will slap whoever’s holding it.
…
I am on my way to 4th for a new tutor orientation (tutoring kids from Cabrini Green). 2.5 hours. Sweet baby jesus. I will be surrounded by earnest college grads with floppy hair.