Have you wanted something so badly, you're almost afraid to get it?
That's how I feel about this new opportunity. I made it through the interview, the strategic comms writing sample tests (which were harder than I thought, though very very useful), and now I've submitted my salary requirements (which could be a teensy bit higher), and am about to enter Round Two. I'm so close I can taste it. I want it and, yet...
Though I've complained since January about the circle of hell work has become (for various external reasons, not the least of which has been the fiscal instability of the human services sector in Illinois) I've only recently realized that I need this change because I think I'm ready for a more permanent life. This new opportunity represents my stake in my adulthood, at last. If you take a peek into my life, you'll see temporary second-hand furniture, books left over from grad school, habits hanging out since Boystown, nostalgia for the Lost Tart Years. I have lived like a woman on the lam.
Wonder of wonders, I think I am ready to put down stakes.
Oh, I'm not saying I'm about to capitulate to the expectations of standard womanhood. Traditional marriage and bearing children are not in my plan, and I don't really anticipate that changing. But the urge to say definitively what it is I need (rather than what I don't), and then create the structure to support my need, has grown stronger.
I need stability.
I need love and companionship (which it looks like I'm on the road to achieve.)
I want professional success and longevity.
I want a fully functioning, whole life.
If this opportunity doesn't come through, the urge to live a full life won't go away. My desire to live a real, grounded life won't be derailed.
Just delayed a little.
4 comments:
In the past, when I have interviewed for a position that I really wanted. I always asked "How would a white man approach this?" (can you believe that? Sad eh?).It usually put into perspective my interviewing skills, my attitude towards the position, and my follow skills and strategy. I still do it today in my business when the opportunity looks really good.
Though I'd share that tidbit:-) Good Luck!
Excited to see what this new stage in your life is bringing, both professionally and personally!
I too am at a point of wanting to put down some roots, but I'm having to define that for myself. It probably won't ever mean owning a house - the thought of being stuck somewhere b/c of a piece of property depresses me. But, it does mean living in a comfortable home, financial stability, a career I love and am passionate about, a loving partner, and hopefully a child. Pretty simple, I think...
I know my timeline isn't to other folks expectations or timeline (can I tell you how many times I've been asked, "When's the date?!"). But, I know what I want my life to look like and I know I'm getting there.
You will too!
Thanks for both of these thoughts.
I'm really trying to keep it simple, too. A stable yet fulfilling career, a loving guy, a decent place to live and a cushion for emergencies. I don't want my life to get more complicated than that.
Yay for looking after youself!
When I was interviewing for the gig I now have and really wanted, I was scared to get it. The only way I could calm myself down was to say: whats the worst that can happen: they interview me, or they move me forward to the next stage, or they make me an offer, or god forbid: actually meet me halfway in the negotiations.
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