1. He has a beer waiting when I come home from the office at 10 pm.
2. He is my buffer between me and the crazies when I'm not in the mood.
3. The first thing he says when I come thru the door is, 'Hey, there's my girlfriend!'
4. He's not jealous of my job, which he knows I love.
5. He actually pays attention to my job even though he isn't that clear on what I do.
6. He protects my space.
7. He warms up the freezing cold spots in bed.
8,9,10. Other stuff one probably shouldn't say publicly on a blog. Cough.
7 comments:
Yay! Numbers 4, 5 and 6 are the best, and probably why you kept him in the first place. But 8, 9 and 10 are also invaluable.
yeah, you're right.
the protecting space thing is sort of very important.
I think #2 comes closest to what I value in my partner. I know that I have this stable, comforting person in my life whose presence puts the crazy world at bay. And then because home is stable and comforting, I can go back out into the world and be brave and take risks and kick ass.
Delia, your blog comes up with the most bizarre word verifications for me. Tonight it seems to be a variation on unwashed-- unwardsh. I'm not sure why I find the word verification so entertaining.
discovering what i wanted in a relationship is one of the reasons i had therapy. i discovered that what i thought i wanted isn't what i needed at all.
i once said to a friend that i didn't need my relationship to be a graduate seminar. i didn't need my relationship to be Work, Part 2.
i wanted something that would be completely different from that. at work, i'm loud, aggressive, impatient, arrogant and one of the smartest gals in the room (i just am) but do i want to be that in my relationship?
that's too much fucking work.
i just want to turn off. and he allows me to turn off.
(and my word verification is muckdnef.)
YES! Relationships are not effortless, but good relationships are NOT massive amounts of work. If one has to work that hard at a relationship--like it's another job--it's not the right relationship.
i wanted something that would be completely different from that. at work, i'm loud, aggressive, impatient, arrogant and one of the smartest gals in the room (i just am) but do i want to be that in my relationship?
Yes! What you said! That's why I have fallen for my J*. He's that stoic rock who doesn't get flustered easily, isn't an anal freakazoid and emits such a calm energy I can't help but be calm when around him. We don't argue or fight because he's always so damn calm. So it's a great change to truly talk about things and work them out like adults. Our relationship is work, but it's hardly Work, Part 2. So I plan to keep him around for a very long time.
And he gives the best hugs ever.
@Joy, NutFantastic:
I'm still caught by surprise by this feeling of ease that I have. I think, 'hm. shouldn't there be more kapow-pow?'
But then I think about how modern relationships are sold to us - it's usually the end result of two neurotic assholes coming together after a series of dramatic plot turns that hinge on stupid mind games, untruths or lame misunderstandings. This has informed our cultural understanding of what we're supposed to want.
Think about how some women talk about relationships amongst themselves: they compare their ideal guy to Darcy, or CK Dexter Haven, or Mr. Rochester, or some other fantastical creation from a book or movie. Or they cobble them together from a composite of men types they admire: 1 part lawyer, 1/2 part nurse, 2/3 chef, 1 part sexy lobbyist, etc...
(And I've done this! I'm not throwing stones that I don't already have in my pocket.)
In reality, if we're really really honest with ourselves, any of those guys would have driven us batty within weeks and we would have fucked them and dumped them.
Or, maybe that's all bullshit and I'm just too fucking old to bother with drama. I like being boring right now.
Here's to boring, uncharismatic relationships.
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