technically, my fibroid has never gone away. i just liked the idea of ignoring it while pretending my low hemoglobin levels made everything a-ok. i also liked taking these neat birth control pills that would only allow me to ovulate 4 times a year. i had visions of uninterrupted sexual discourse. silly goose.
doctor's office called and now my entire holiday season (aka, the sexiest season of the year) will be a nightmare of stitches, cramps, pain medication and, uh, limited naked social interaction.
mark it, people. november 13. extraction day.
doctor's office also determined that whatever weird, thick, gloopy, bright red viscous-y period i'm on now is dangerous to my health and must be stopped, RIGHT NOW, like an Al-Qaeda operative on the lam. so they're going to give me something that will make my entire reproductive system shut down completely.
i wouldn't be so icked out if i didn't suspect that the forthcoming 'menopausal side effects' are going to make me completely insane:
i'm basically going to transform into my dead, crazy mother, circa 1992, for the next two months. frakking fuck!
doctor's office called and now my entire holiday season (aka, the sexiest season of the year) will be a nightmare of stitches, cramps, pain medication and, uh, limited naked social interaction.
mark it, people. november 13. extraction day.
doctor's office also determined that whatever weird, thick, gloopy, bright red viscous-y period i'm on now is dangerous to my health and must be stopped, RIGHT NOW, like an Al-Qaeda operative on the lam. so they're going to give me something that will make my entire reproductive system shut down completely.
i wouldn't be so icked out if i didn't suspect that the forthcoming 'menopausal side effects' are going to make me completely insane:
hot flashes and night sweatsniiiiice.
fatigue
emotional changes such as mood swings or a change in sexual interest
sleep disturbances (insomnia)
drier skin and hair
increased growth of facial and body hair
aches and pains in the joints
headaches
palpitations (rapid, irregular heart beats)
generalised itching
vaginal changes – dryness, pain during intercourse, increased risk of infections
urinary symptoms – inability to control urination (incontinence), increased frequency of urinary infections
i'm basically going to transform into my dead, crazy mother, circa 1992, for the next two months. frakking fuck!
9 comments:
Hm. Okay, I haven't been through menopause, obvs, but some of these come with pregnancy and they're not so bad.
I got hot flashes: main effect was that I would sleep under a sheet. No biggie. I get night sweats now b/c of the effexor, and it's also not a big deal; just wipe off under your boobs when you wake up. Joint aches and pains come with pregnancy and you know, aspirin; ditty headaches, I think. The itching and vaginal dryness are the same as the dry skin thing: use some good lotion and if you have dry vag syndrome, get your doc to prescribe you some estrogen cream and stop using soap altogether; wash your bits with cold cream instead. Urinary incontinence I'd be surprised if it were real pee-your-pants stuff; probably more just little inconvenient leaks while coughing, etc., which yeah, it's annoying, but eh, just don't go commando.
Fatigue and emotional changes and insomnia are a pain in the butt, but you know? Tell people you're taking medication for a condition that you need surgery for, and take naps when you can. You should be okay. (And jeez, surgery? Wow. My sympathies.)
Lupron? Yeah. Work it, girl. Work it for the sympathy and the patience you will demand from those around you. A friend of mine with endometriosis took Lupron for six months to shrink the endometriosis before she had surgery. And then after surgery (during which they stole an ovary), she got the Mirena IUD to keep the endometriosis at bay afterwards. Excellent birth control, yes, I love my Mirena. If your doc should recommend such a thing for you, be advised that women getting it for birth control have it inserted during their period when the cervix is more open, but for the post-Lupron woman, that cervix is hermetically sealed and it hurts like a mofo to jam that IUD up there. So if you should venture down that path, take some narcotics first, is what I'm saying.
The urinary thing—if it happens, remember to stop walking and clench everything when you need to sneeze, cough, or laugh hard, and you can do a pretty good job keeping it in.
bitch and orange: thanks for the tips. thank god for women who've had babies!
hate to be such a crybaby but i hate to be uncomfortable (it makes me cranky) and i'm anticipating huge discomfort over this whole thing.
orange, i'm really interested in getting an IUD. and so, if i've been on lupron for a couple months (i don't anticipate taking it past the surgery in two months), is my cervix hermetically sealed, like, forever??
i really like the idea of a non-hormonal, continuous birth control and expected that getting it inserted would hurt anyway since i've never had children. is that a wrong assumption?
jp: your ass-cleanliness is a constant source of pride for me. thanks for keeping me informed.
have you seen that new toilet they're selling? the ads have happy butts on them. there's a dealer right down the street from my bank, in the swanky art district, and it's funny to see folks startled by all the clean, happy butts.
I have NOT seen this new toilet, you must send me the link. I wonder if it's available in China. I've been thinking about taking the biffy with me on the plane.
And there you have it: what was once a thread about ding vs. agatha has once again turned into a discussion of my butt. You people are obsessed
Eeesh. I don't have any advice, but am sending many many good vibes and lots of patience for you while you're a patient. Because my guess is, you're not a patient patient (I know *I'm* not). I've heard IUDs are screamingly painful if you've never used your cervix for moving someone though it. But it's not impossible. I'm such a baby, after the trauma of long term hormonal birth control (depo is not the great deal is seems to be) I was like: back to the rubber; I'm not doing any more of *that* Still, now that my sister's lived to tell the tale of getting an IUD without having given birth,(she says it did hurt like a mofo) I may well do it too. But this is of course without the Lupron in the picture.
And to go back to the butt: it always goes back to the butt. Clean is good. I will say this for India: those spray hoses were better than scratchy third world toilet paper, any day.
And speaking of India: send me a physical address, so you can get your blog prize! you know, for the guessing about fire and cigarrette packets.
liza: i'm impatient about everything. i just hide it better because it's, well, not polite.
i got my first lupron injection yesterday. talk about hurt like a mofo. it sort of kicked in late last night - crampiness and then i had to sleep with the covers off. i felt like i had a fever. had to shower immediately when i woke up this morning.
and THEN my benefits people call me and tell me that my insurance may or may not cover Lupron and that the next shot will cost me almost $400!!!
what the hell is in this stuff?
saudi arabian oil?!?
Have you researched uterine fibroid embolization (UFE)? It's way less-invasive than a myomectomy.
Ooowwwww. I have no helpful words. I just hope you pull through with as little discomfort as is humanly possible.
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