man oh man

so today was my quick phone interview with the reporter about why i'm a girl who likes watching boys get it on. we laughed and giggled about the voyeur thing, sure. and who can really resist heath and jake? not i.

B- and i had a conversation (one of the very few) one night about porn; he wanted to know how i felt about it and i shrugged. it's okay the first time, but then the repetition just doesn't do anything for me, i said. erotica works better for me and seeing two men make out works the best. B- was a little quiet. i said that when i see two men together i don't see me in that at all and that's comforting to me; it's comfortable. it allows me to be the selfish observer. i'm not the object; they are. it's a turn on to not be someone else's object.

(mark pritchard has a brutally hilarious story about what happens when a gay couple takes an impromptu dance lesson from a girl friend after a dinner party.)

it's hot to see two men come together, matched strength for strength, power to power. there's a physicality and muscularity in it that i like. i'd like to consume that.

hm. 'consume'. i wasn't going for that word but it's the one that came out.

(or, maybe my erotic attachment to man/man action is just a way of expressing my desire for the phallus. heh. theory made flesh.)

i realized all this back in grad school, at a party. i came upon a friend kissing his boyfriend in a dark corner of the hall. they were so caught up they didn't see me. and so i watched them for a while and found myself completely enthralled. there was the surprise of finding my friend like this, in a context he'd never allowed me to see; there was the sense of the forbidden (back then, i was totally a virgin and just beginning to shed my baptist skin); but there was just the pure erotic enjoyment of watching two hot guys go at it in the dark. i kept thinking about it for days.

and that's why figleaf, over there on my blogroll, makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. here's an average, anonymous guy somewhere in the northwest putting his rather average body out there for visual consumption. it's startling, even though the photos are in no way pornographic or obscene. most of them are rather mundane - he's getting dressed, steeping out of the shower or sitting in his robe (the one in his wife's pleated skirt is just ridiculous, though. no one should wear pleats that wide.) but it's erotic to me.

(not as erotic as it'd be if there was another guy with him, also sitting around in his flannel robe and socks, but you can't have everything.)