have i told you that my resolution this year is to Make An Effort?
well, to that end, i think i've dropped the hammer on B-.
he emailed me today.
shorter B-: i'm angry you blew me off; but i'm up for it again if you are.
shorter ding: i didn't blow you off; i had my period plus you live in wisconsin and i'm feeling resentful you expect me to do all the traveling and never once think about reciprocating.
his response? 'oh, well.' what the hell?? 'oh, well'?!?
so. i decided it was time i was honest with B-. it's a new year. i have to make an effort. i made a short list of my feelings: i feel resentful, i feel emotionally unsatisfied, i feel taken for granted, i feel tawdry. i feel it's his turn to give the CTA a whirl. i feel if we're going to continue to see each other, everything has to change.
he's likely to go on some kind of existential rant or ignore it altogether or call me a cruel, calculating bitch (which he's done before), but i don't care. i made the effort to communicate my feelings. via email.
14 comments:
I won't presume to give you advice on your personal matters....
Yes I will. He's a hot rock. Drop him. There will be no further satisfaction gained by communicating your feelings to someone who doesn't care.
I am not projecting!
Um, he sounds unpleasant. And manipulative. Actually, he sounds like the cruel, calculating bitch. Hm. He really should be cut loose, from what you're saying. Good luck with your resolution! This sounds like a good start...
I'm sorry - 'oh well'?!?! yeah - what Sid and John Patrick said - time to lose the tool.
truthfully, it's a good thing i laid everything out. i can pretty much guess he'll deliberately misunderstand everything i say, thus giving me the excuse i need to kick his eyore ass to the curb.
(though i will mourn the disappearance of the way we were, back in the day, when we were tawdry together.)
This is classic, he lays it out and basically tells you if you can't deal with it, then you aren't accepting him "for what he is" or whatever the fuck. I've heard this before. He's begging to be dumped.
I'm proud of you for laying it out straight. Cut him loose, baby. Give him a smackdown with your fabulous strong spine!
I wonder if "Oh well" means "Oh well, I forgive you." Hee hee.
Not that I care, but I wonder why he's not making an effort to score more. Hmm.
I think B minus lacks initiative. He doesn't want to be the agent of change.
Also, if you dump him, then he gets to be a victim.
I'm sick of B minus. If you don't dump him, I will.
B- is officially dumped.
i refuse to feel bad, though i feel bad that i wasted all of this time keeping crap inside when i could have just been more forthright in the beginning.
but you know? i didn't want to be one of those whiny women who bleat, 'where do you think this is going? how do you feel about me? why don't you talk to me? why don't you want to do what i want to do?' instead, i went limp and then resented the hell out of him for it.
'managing expectations', everyone. it's a good thing.
and i'm not saying that my going limp was fair! it just was what it was.
i was thinking about this a little more and i had an idea (this is a little late, i know). I wanted to propose that you not dump him at all. Just let him be and wait for him to dump you....isn't that what guys do? They just act like "what? what's the problem?" until you finally lose patience and dump them. I recommend that you just do whatever you want but refrain from dumping him. be a dismissive bitch and let him dump you...and every time you think he's going to dump you, make an excuse or change the subject. you could keep this going for 2 years (one of my friends did!) and the frustration he experiences could provide hours of joy for you and your friends! Think about it.
you're a cruel mistriss, miri.
no, he's dumped. gone. finished. it's a relief i don't have to deal with him anymore.
'mistress'! what the hell is wrong with me?
she's out of my life..... she's out of my life . . . .
he is out of my life. but i'm pissed that now i'm feeling sort of pitiful. like, NOW who's gonna like me? WHERE am i gonna find someone who doesn't piss me off? waah waah.
and that's making me even more pissed. i'm feeling bad?? about moving on?? grr. i wish i never heard of B-.
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