declaration of independence

when do we 30-somethings ever get the right to blow off our parental units and just spend the holidays the way we want?

green fairy asks the same question over on her space; bookslut makes faint mention of her holidays being a 'complete failure'; my friend R-- expressed jealousy at my stay at home christmas. almost every single one of my friends who visited family clocked at least 6 hours travel time and perhaps 2 hours of pure happiness over the weekend.

it's time for the hegemony of the holiday family visit to end.

let's declare our independence and be honest: these visits blow. they're stressful and if your family has turned your old room into dad's new office, then you're also out of a bed. if you're single, you don't really want to hang out with all the children and if you're married, you really don't want to hang out with all the children. the dear parents try to recreate a holiday that somehow existed back when you were eight, which only makes you sad; your siblings have moved to the next level of married/homeowner life (or not) and that's sad, too. no one's youthful anymore, the forced cheer is depressing and the over-scheduling of your days like you're a five year old on a play date is turning you into, well, a sullen teenager.

and sex? forget it. the holidays are the sexiest time of year and how do we choose to spend it? sleeping on an air mattress in the family room. what's sexy about that??

after your third temper tantrum over which bottle of wine to have with dinner you realize that the holidays have stripped you of of the identity you've carefully and deliberately constructed ever since you moved away from home. within hours you're no longer the snarky urban gadabout; you're 15 , misunderstood, there's no good music on the radio, you have no friends and you can't wait to get the hell out of town and move to the big city. (or, in my case, move out of the big city and move to another big city - just one that's 2000 miles away.)

it doesn't feel like a holiday. it feels like you've been grounded. it doesn't feel like a relaxing break from your busy life. it feels like a punishing squeeze into someone else's busy life. so let's be honest. we don't want to see our families over the holidays unless some things change. below are my demands, er - suggestions:

- visit me once in a while (hotels are plentiful!)
- what says holiday cheer more than a cocktail? beer, wine, champagne or eggnog, i don't care. but a little grog goes a long way to smooth out the rough edges.
- where's the fun? i don't want to run errands. i want to go to movies, go shopping, eat out, drink in, and sleep late. why doesn't everyone want that?
- get a babysitter.

if we start applying pressure on our families now, come next november, we should have the holidays of our dreams.