bestest friends

so i'm starting to look for a new apartment.

Roomie and i have decided, in the interest of maturity and future growth (and the fact that we might want to develop healthier relationships with boys), to break up the panda pen.

in all honesty, though, i'm hoping to find an apartment down the street. (yes, we might have some attachment issues.)

but what else is friendship other than deep attachment?

the other night, we were talking about the day Roomie and i met; we even toasted the moment. we had just started at Big 4 Consulting Firm. during my orientation, she caught me rolling my eyes at the inanity of a HR girl and she said she knew then that we should have lunch and be friends.

i still remember that lunch. we went for chinese food, she told me a story about minnesota that made me snort out my pepsi and i wrote to friends in LA, 'i think i just met a girl who tells better stories than i do. she's funnier than i am, dammit!' thus began 9 years of our particular brand of cross-cultural exchange. like the night i got really loud in a bar arguing about the impact colonialism had on Africa and she said, 'I only wanted to know why Martin Lawrence is funny! i don't get it!'

Roomie flew out to LA when my mom died, suffering sunburn and church ladies. and when her mother died, i flew out with the rest of the Chicago 7 (as our group was later dubbed) to be her buffer and 2nd family. she was there giving my LA family updates during the removal of Agatha the Fibroid and i was there while we whipped down the hairpin roads of Italy. (to experience Roomie's driving is to experience an uncomfortable closeness with your Maker.)

as best friends, sisters underneath different colored skins, we are slightly demented parts of a unit. when we looked up our astrological signs, our pairing was called 'Sensible Elegance,' as represented by Blake Edwards and Julie Andrews.

the other night, in preparation for a dinner party with her boss, Roomie said: And what's off-limits?
Ding: (sigh) Rich people; yuppies; why Whole Foods and the people who shop there annoy the shit out of me; strap ons; politics; housewives; Republicans; why kids suck; sex.
Roomie: And what else?
Ding: (sigh) I can't have tequila or whiskey. Only beer or wine.
Roomie: Thank you.
Ding: Only for you, dude.

and it's true. there are things that i would only do for Roomie and no one else.

perhaps it's a cliche but LTFs go away while BFFs stay put, you know? it's a high school way of expressing it but i think the burdens of adulthood tend to smooth over the folie a deux quality that youthful friendships had back then.

anyway, to Roomie - Happy 9 years of friendship, lady.

in honor of easter

i give you this.

i swear, this is really the only (fun) reason to have kids.

huge: NAACP comes out against Prop 8

Go here to read the American Prospect piece on the NAACP national office's public stance against Prop 8.

From the piece:

With cover from the NAACP, black organizations moving toward support of LGBT rights won't have to go it alone anymore. At the same time, the NAACP still has to deal with opposition to gay rights from within its own ranks. "There is a lot of homophobia in the NAACP," says California Conference President Alice Huffman, who was also a paid consultant to the "No on 8" campaign. "There are a lot of Christians who feel threatened."

The NAACP still hasn't endorsed gay marriage -- but this is the strongest stance it has taken against laws that would prohibit the practice. The distinction is meant to alleviate tension between board members who are religiously opposed to same-sex marriage. But even so, several board members expressed displeasure with the letter Bond wrote to the California Legislature. In the letter, Bond writes, "Proposition 8 subverts … basic and necessary safeguards, unjustly putting all Americans, particularly vulnerable minorities, at risk of discrimination by a majority show of hands."

"There are people on the board … mainly clergy, they misunderstood," Huffman says. "They thought Julian was writing to support same-sex marriage when that is not the case at all."

"There are a lot of Christians who feel threatened." I've never understood this attitude from some religious folk. It's totally irrational. How does someone else's life/marriage 'threaten' (potentially cause harm) to me? Completely illogical and based in anti-gay hysteria.

If Christians are feeling under threat by the civil rights of others, I suggest perhaps they go and live in a country where there aren't any. Liiike, Darfur. China. Iran. Saudi Arabia. That little place over in South Asia that had the typhoon.

The fight for full civil rights for fellow American citizens is not going to end and, eventually, our side will win. I guarantee it.

phone conversation of the day: or, why not to go into non profits if your patience level is whisper-thin

Ding, calling State Assault Organization : Hi, I’m working on a proposal and I’m looking for our state’s plan or report to address sexual assault in IL.
Bureaucrat: Uh…
Ding: And it would also be great if you could tell me if the report on your website is the most recent and, if there is a newer one, when that’ll be up on your site or if you could email it to me.
Bureaucrat: New report…
Ding: Yeah. I’m writing this proposal and they require updated, current numbers about rape in Illinois.
Bureaucrat: Well, that’s the most recent one we have.
Ding: But all the stuff in it is from 2006. It’s 2009.
Bureaucrat: Well, we have other reports from other federal sources…
Ding: But those are all from 2003.
Bureaucrat: Yeah, they are.

(a beat)

Ding: Ok. Well, when can we have some updated numbers, at least on your agency report?
Bureaucrat: You know, I don’t think there are plans to update those numbers.
Ding: But they’re from 2006. You’re going to leave them up, like, forever??
Bureaucrat: Well, to be honest, you’re the first person to ever ask for it.
Ding: You are kidding me. (sputter sputter) I am the only person from a coalition agency to EVER request that our state statistics on violence against women be updated and publicly available on your website? EVER?
Bureaucrat: I’ve been communications director here a long time and, yeah. This is the longest conversation I’ve ever had about this.
Ding: Bureaucrat, you’ve shocked me. I’m speechless. And, yet, this explains so much.
So NO ONE in the whole state has ever expressed a desire to have Illinois-specific information collected in one spot to be updated on a regular basis??
Bureaucrat: Not that I can recall. Everyone just calls for the number of reported assaults in the state.
Ding: But that one number doesn’t tell you anything.
Bureaucrat: It tells you the number of reported assaults.
Ding: Which doesn’t tell me anything. It doesn’t tell me anything about trends, reasons why the number is what it is, who created the number or anything like that.
Bureaucrat: Well, no.
Ding: Ok, what happens to the report the state has to file justifying its receipt of federal assault money? Is that report ever made public?
Bureaucrat: I assume so.
Ding: Bureaucrat, you are going to give me a heart attack.
Bureaucrat: No one has ever asked this!
Ding: Theoretically, when would your agency consider updating the report that I’m looking at right now?
Bureaucrat: Maybe…2011.
Ding: So, to get 2008 numbers I’d have to get into my time machine, travel two years into the future and then maybe I’d see the report that I need for today.
Bureaucrat: Yes.
Ding: Heart attack, Bureaucrat. You are giving me a heart attack.

No wonder my sector is in the crapper if this is how it handles metrics.

I can understand how the lifecycle of creating such a report could take a couple years, but the fact that no one has ever asked for such a report boggles my mind. Not to ask the question?? At all??

Jesus.

in the waning days of Black History Month, i went back and read my posts tagged with 'race.'
i was sort of surprised at how strong some of the writing was.

so, yeah, in a completely self-serving and vain-glorious way, i recommend you read some of them. there are some great links and resources there.

whoops: my own economic meltdown

So…
I just finished a grueling morning project and thought I’d take a break and see what my spending looked like for the past 2 months. I didn’t think I was really overextending myself. So I downloaded all my transactions from my bank.

HOLY CRAP.
Since January, I've spent over $5000 while my monthly revenue is considerably less than that. How I managed to do this without the use of a credit card, I don't know.

What I've Spent in ONLY Two Months
Meals (includes takeout, morning coffee, lunches, dinners and bars) = 688.29
Misc (i.e., non-essential shopping) = 677.63
Cash (every ATM withdrawal+fee)= 663.00
Rent = 600 (Roomie gives me a special, non-market rate deal)
Savings = 606
Entertainment (movies, books, netflix, iTunes, uh, online services, etc.) = 445
Grocery = 438
Utility = 359.96
Medical = 243
Cleaning lady = 170
Work expenses (travel, etc) = 152.96
Transportation = 40

The stuff in black? Rather modest, as monthly expenses go, I think.
The stuff in yellow?? Totally out of control. Un-ac-ceptable. Especially if I want to get my own apartment in the spring.

What I spend in two months on extras could clear my debt! I feel like an idiot.

this was really a work dream. really.

in this dream, i'm sitting next to LTF on his lumpy couch.

we have to talk, he says.
ok, i say.

we need to communicate better, he says. i'm not happy with just seeing you on the weekends, when you send me a message or text. i think we could do better.

uh-huh, i say.

i'm not happy with just this little slice of a relationship, he says.

oh? i say.

because, he says, i think that we could really lo--

and that's when i woke up.
perfect timing, huh?

A Blog Memoir in 25 Things (inspired by Facebook)

25. I was unofficially voted Most Likely to Flirt With Your Boyfriend. The truth of this depends on what alcohol is at hand. (See #24.)

There are two early memories I have of boys, both named David. Well, there are more than two memories, and more than two boys, but these are the most telling.

David Oliver was my first childhood crush, a teenage boy who lived in our apartment complex on Santa Rosalia. (Which we pronounced San-ta Ro-sa-lee-ya, an iambic, musical sound I’d whisper to myself.) Back then I didn’t know that we were poor; I thought our white stuccoed apartment building was beautiful. Scarlet bougainvillea crawled over the front walls, sunlight shined warmly across the hard wood floors of our apartment and so what if my sister and I slept in what was clearly supposed to be the dining room. We had a piano our father would play while making up funny songs to make our mother laugh, mom made hammocks strung across the hallway so we could swing quietly in the air (while I imagined we lived in trees like bananas) and we would sometimes climb into a cardboard box and launch ourselves down the smoothly worn stone steps to crash against the front door below.

(We did this until my mother decided it wasn’t exactly safe for me to send my light-as-air sister hurtling through second story space to bust through the front screen while I pealed with laughter on the landing above.)

But David lived across the automotive oil-splattered courtyard with his single mother who was, more often than not, drunk on her ass. He was a light brown color and his bouncy afro was smooth, neat and medium sized; he was as thin as Encyclopedia Brown and he liked hanging out with our dad who was handsome, young, employed and friendly to everyone in the building. I see now that the patterns of my youth pretty much dictated what my later family life would be: my father would be everyone’s father figure and every man I met would be a rival for my father’s affection.

Buried in my family’s stuff, my dad still has the audio tape of a recording he and David made, spoofing the old TV show, Kung Fu. You play it and first you hear the shooshy white noise of a hand held tape recorder then the wobbly theme music of the show. Then you hear my dad’s voice as The Master, giving Grasshopper a test. It’s five minutes of improvised nonsense about the price of eggs in the ghetto and in the background you can hear my mother laughing while my father and David struggle to keep it together. I love listening to that tape.

He would come over a couple of nights a week or on the weekends to practice on our piano. I remember he said that he wanted to go to Julliard. I was only a kid, maybe 5 or 6, but I would hide behind the wood slatted doors of our dining/bedroom and listen to him practice and felt something that made my little girly chest squeeze tight. My unreliable memory tells me he practiced Moonlight Sonata but my common sense tells me I have no way of knowing what it was he played all those times.

Between the slats of the door, I’d watch him, unable to take my eyes off his long fingers running over the keys, playing music my dad didn’t know. Everyone in the house would stop to listen to him – my mom standing still at the stove; my little sister huddled at my back; my father in the living room with David, listening.

With the hindsight that comes with pop psychology, age and a couple years of therapy I realize, and have peace with the fact, that David was playing for my father. My little crush on him was nothing compared to the love and yearning David had for a father like mine. His love swamped the paper boat of my five-year old squishy feelings, which were probably created more by the music than actually falling in love with a 15 year old neighbor.

When we moved to our new house later (doesn’t every childhood, ‘first love’ story end with someone moving?) I remember clearly that David clung to my father and cried.

(Here is where I hope my memory has betrayed me.)

We never saw David again. I think that we had heard, through old friends, that his mother stayed at the apartments while the Santa Rosalia neighborhood crumbled around them and that David may have become just another young black male statistic, cut down by the death-dealing gangs of Los Angeles.

The 39-year old me thinks about the gentle, 15-year old he’d been and, oh, how I wish that he’d made it to Julliard.
…

There was a little loud black kid, David, who was in my third or fourth grade class. He had freckles, a square-top ‘fro, and jumped around the playground with his little gang of friends, like a terrier. My friends back then consisted of the Girl Who Peed, the Girl Who Wore Pajamas to School and the Girl Who Picked Her Nose. I was not high on the Mar Vista Elementary social totem pole.

One day he bounced up and began to run the dozens on the Girl Who Wore Pajamas to School. She was mortified; I could see little tears beginning to form in the corner of her eyes. Then he shoved me in the chest and called me fat. Without hesitation I kicked him in his little elementary school balls so hard he dropped in mid-laugh.

Sure, I got sent to the principal’s office; sure, they called my parents (my father, who worked the night shift at the station was home for the call and when he heard it was basically self defense, he told the principal to stop wasting his time when she should be calling the bully’s mother, instead) and, sure, they made me apologize in the end to little sniffling David.

But I’ll never forget the feeling of shock, anger and then the adrenaline-propelled pleasure as I stood over David’s keening body on the cracked elementary school playground.

Girls are taught to avoid pleasure. Pleasure will give us a reputation; it will get us in trouble.
But when I felt my little third/fourth grade foot connect with David’s testicles, and heard his laugh choke off, that’s what I felt. Pleasure.

awesome: Tell It WOC Speak Carnival

Tell It WOC Speak: Hear Us Roar

this is a great round up of writing by women of color touching on identity, violence, feminism, politics, activism, sexuality - and it's all through our eyes. (do you detect a tone? why, yes. you do.)

if you haven't read these women before, please check them out.

best intentions gone horribly awry

it's president's day, gorgeous out (but probably cold enough to freeze my nose hairs) and i am home! bwa-ha-ha! (non profits may not have much in terms of salary, but they really give you all the holidays they can.)

so i'm sitting here, with all this free time to write, and i'm wondering what my monday post should be. after all, i have the opportunity to really fisk the hell out of some current event, or reveal my life's convoluted inner contradictions, or at least pound out a few snarkily condemning paragraphs on something. i even have time to draft my Awkward Sermon draft for the Geez contest i'm entering.

there's so much going on!
OctoMom and the vitriol her story has inspired (this post by Twisty is nifty for it.)
Chris Brown's domestic violence issues (Jay Smooth's interview with Elizabeth Mendez Berry is making the rounds so check it out here.)
Black History Month and the ongoing conversation about whether it's still necessary (yes, it is.)
The shenanigans in DC and whether our expectations of Obama need to be dialed back a bit (do you really wanna give our first black president a stroke??)

so, yeah. i'm sitting here, the day spread out in front of me like a delicious blank page and all i want to do is head up north to LTF's place, hang out, watch horror movies, read a graphic novel or two and frolic a bit.

black history month post

i'm trying to think of an appropriate post for black history month, but i am tapped out. i wrote one for work, instead. shorter ding's post for work: since most folks are so ignorant about basic american history, period, they need to shut the frak up about how black history month is unnecessary.

there. that's my black history month post.

someone needs to read Orientalism

this first piece in the Times' Week in Review about 'Racial Epithets in Cultured Accents':

"Chatting as she sat in a BBC green room after recording “The One Show,” a television magazine program, Ms. Thatcher, it later emerged, said something to the effect that the French tennis player Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, who has a white French mother and a black Congolese father, reminded her of a golliwog. Several people there complained and word got out to BBC officials, who said the remark was “highly offensive.”
The BBC fired Ms. Thatcher from her slot as a regular contributor to the program after, it said, she dismissed her comment as a “light remark” and failed to make an appropriate apology."

gee, maggie thatcher's daughter sees nothing wrong in calling a person of color a 'golliwog'? what a surprise.

(the Week in Review piece almost comes out and says what i want it to say, but doesn't. the writer can't actually say that being a die-hard imperialist/colonizing asshat and saying shockingly racist things go hand in hand.

instead, it only makes using racial epithets a class marker and not the result of generations of deliberate, specific, political and racial ideology: "Prince Philip, the queen’s husband (and Harry’s grandfather) and the epitome of the old-school upper classes, has a famous history of insulting groups of all kinds around the world, from Scotland to Australia."

wow, a royal with a habit of insulting groups who were colonized by the Brits. how... unheard of.)

anyway, here's something i stumbled on - a series of posts ably taking apart the 'golliwog' and serving as a timely antidote to the ahistorical, chicken shit-ness of the New York Times:

And We Shall March (parts 1-5; it's really worth reading them all, especially if you like Allan Moore and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, if you're interested at all in knowing what you're talking about when you call something 'minstrelsy' - and if you had no idea how Fisk University got their seed funding, like me.)

unfocused

i didn't call and wish my dad happy birthday yesterday for various reasons, most being my penchant to procrastinate.

i still haven't finished christmas shopping for my family - or my niece's birthday in january.

i have an important meeting tomorrow and still haven't prepped for it - even though i'm flying out this afternoon.

i still don't exactly know what it is i want from LTF, if anything. adventure, habit?

this economy is scaring me a lot (it is really bad out there, folks) and i still haven't sketched out a rudimentary Plan B for my career if the bottom falls out of my sector.

i have a make/break it proposal due by end of month - in two weeks - and i'm not sure if i can count on other team members to hold up their end.

what happened to the focused person i used to be?

what. the. hell.

YouTube - Norwegians Got Soul

think i should go to norway?
(thanks, Roomie.)

alert: hold the line on the stimulus

from the National Women's Law Center:

Support the Economic Recovery Plan
Opponents of President Obama's economic recovery plan are doing everything they can to derail and weaken the bill. If they succeed, provisions that help women and families could be scaled back or eliminated — including health care, education, child care, Head Start, job training, and child support.
But with your help, we can make economic recovery a reality for women and their families. Please help us flood your Senators' offices with calls of support.

Will you take 5 minutes to call your Senators? Below is a script and toll-free number to make it easy for you to make a difference.
Please call 866-544-7573 and ask to be connected to your Senators. When you're connected to their offices, tell the person who answers the phone:
I am a constituent. My name is ____________.
As an advocate for women and their children, I urge you to vote for the economic recovery plan and oppose any weakening amendments.

Congress is currently getting a lot of calls on this issue. If you are unable to get through using the above number, please call the main Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121 or lookup your Senators' direct office lines in our directory. If you can't get through on the phone, you can also e-mail your Senators through our website.

For Illinois:
Sen. Durbin (202-224-2152)
Sen. Burris (202-224-2854)

***
my thoughts on this stimulus:
yes, the primary purpose is job recovery and infrastructure support to create employment opportunities.

but what the GOP doesn't seem to get is that folks are teetering on the brink of everyday ruin. if they don't get some kind of social support (in the form of child care support or even health care support - yes, birth control should be included in healthcare support because now is *not* the time for unintended pregnancies) then the bottom falls out of our state even faster.

most middle class and asset poor families are one emergency/disaster away from economic catastrophe so the 'social programs' folks are complaining about? these are the programs that help stave off whatever emergency could drop a family into a hole so deep, they have no chance of climbing out.

our government signed over $700 billion to the banking industry with the vague idea that, somehow, our largesse was going to trickle down to the little guy and help us out. somehow. that hasn't happened and likely won't.

but this bill can have an almost immediate material impact on us. community infrastructure support programs that impact families (said by the woman with no kids) can help a woman or man keep their job, or give them the ability to look for work without choosing between work and family.

more childcare centers = more available child care for infants and toddlers, allowing a mother to go to work;
money for the expansion of Medicaid = easing the burden of state budgets and allowing laid off workers to go back to work, as well as provide more benefits to the economically vulnerable;
stimulus checks and tax credits for individuals and families = a lower burden on moderate income families and single people (if we spend those checks);
money for violence prevention and sexual assault means organizations = sustained community infrastructure networks and continued services to victims of violence during this recession (is there a connection between economic downturns and upticks in violence? i think so.)

if public officials focus solely on the 'shovel ready' programs they forget about the people who should be holding those shovels - and that they have needs beyond employment.

and will someone please explain to me how giving another corporation another frikking tax break is going to help some faltering family through the next few years??

here's an anecdote to illustrate how immediately dire things are in our state:
a redundant-since-december friend told us on sunday that chicago's careerbuilder site had listings for only 39,000 jobs available in the tri-state area (IL, WI, and IN). normally, the average job posts for our area number at least 100k.

in november and december of 08, IL lost over 76k jobs - and more cuts are coming, once we enter fy10. and let's not forget folks who have been on unemployment for much longer but their benefits ran out a while ago. so i'm guessing there are probably more than 76,000 people out of work in this state. and right now, the stimulus bill is projecting maybe something like 136k jobs for our state.

our budget deficit? $2.5 billion.
our revenue outlook? what revenue?
what will illinois look like without this bill?

this isn't a perfect bill, by no means. it's not going to be a magic bullet and i think there's room for compromise. but we can't have an economic recovery built on the backs of low-moderate income and working poor people.

this bill - with social supports included - needs to pass. (the Senate version is here.)

because i'm drowning in blogs, tweets, status updates, my trashy novel draft and the like (not to mention drowning in this buck-ass legislative session at work) i've put ChurchGal (my other blog) on hiatus until spring, or thereabouts.

i expected to feel more conflicted about that but i'm not.

so. where can you find me?
here, on Screed. (this was my first blog and i'm never letting it go.)
very occasionally at Bitch Ph.D. (out of the 4 Bitches, i have the lowest post rate because, well, let's just say i only have one nerve to get on, which the Head Bitch understands.)
on Twitter as PrincessDing.

ok, back to work.

dork love: THOMAS

my new obsession: the THOMAS site.

what is it? it's everything you needed to know about what happens on the floor of the Congress - transcripts, language of bills, histories of votes. it's searchable and i love it.

for instance, if Medicaid is your search term, you can literally trace the conversation our representatives are having about it. you can see how something gets shut out and ends up in committee or gets voted on and passed/defeated. i love it.

the transcripts about SCHIP? fascinating.

want to know what the senate is doing about the recovery package? keyword search 'economic recovery' and look for the amendments with an S.
curious to see what your senator said yesterday from the floor? search the Congressional Record. (i searched 'Roland Burris' and found this.) fascinating!

or am i the only one fascinated by this?

once again, the dork stands alone.

change only goes so far

CQ Politics | Balance of Power - Boehner Celebrates the NO Votes

yeah, GOP, way to go.
congrats on digging in because no one wants to continue the bad ideas that didn't work for the past 8 years for another 4.

enjoy that unity.

noooo!

CQ Politics | Palin Establishes PAC

and, like the undead, she rises.

a memo to media folks: get new friends!!

Obama's ways cool to some, new to others -- chicagotribune.com

a whole story built around breaking down the mannerisms of the POTUS.
gah.

you'd think the 'terrorist fist bump' heard 'round the world would have given them a chance to get all this 'Obama is so...down!' narrative shyte out of their system, but it continues.

here's a tip to mainstream media: you need to get more friends. really.

befuddlement

it's funny how, when you think you finally have life by the tail, things happen to muck it up.

i'm sure this is the feeling Gov. Blagojevich has as he begins his round of PR/reputation recuperation interviews with major outlets this week (look for him on the Today Show, Good Morning America, and Larry King.) i know i said that i wouldn't malign those with genuine mental illnesses by calling him crazy but his behavior befuddles me.

when he's impeached (and there's no doubt that he will be impeached by the end of this week and Pat Quinn will be our new governor by the beginning of February) will he refuse to leave his office? will he force security to eject him from his cushy digs in Springfield? will we be entertained/mortified by a videotape of our impeached governor yelling and screaming while being forcibly ejected from his office? or will he accept his fate and entertain/mortify us with a final press conference which includes a dramatic reading of Whitman's elegy to Lincoln? (O, Captain, my Captain!)
...
spent Friday with LTF. i brought back a souvenir from the Inauguration for him (he's a huge Obama supporter) and as i was taking a cab up to his place i couldn't help but think of how this was something Don, from "Mad Men," would do: come back from a trip and bring his long-neglected mistress a little something to make things better. i might as well accept it; this thing with LTF befuddles me, too.
...
on the work front, my mentor has taken a leadership position with another very large non profit here in the city. on one hand, i'm glad for her. on the other, i'm WTF!!

what does one do when one's mentor moves on? professionally, i recognize that i enjoyed a special kind of privilege because of her willingness to back me up. her departure leaves me vulnerable. when the new CEO comes, her strategic agenda could be very different and the structure of the agency could shift - and not necessarily to my advantage. needless to say, the impending need to navigate tricky office politics leaves me feeling...befuddled.

hmmm...read the tea leaves with me.

this week, the interim will be chosen, it'll take at least 6 months for a new search for a competent CEO to conclude, so i'm estimating that it'll be absolutely crucial for me to have my next leap planned and in place by june - which is also the end of the fiscal year and whatever agency-saving cuts need to happen will probably take place around there, anway.

(and since i'm all overhead, no matter my success with earmarks and appropriations this year or how generally kick ass i am, i'm on thin ice.)

looks like my New Year's resolution to Be Prepared will come in handy.

i'm back from the inauguration

fantastic.

inspiring.

awesome.

overwhelming.

cold.

freezing.

exhausting.

frakked.

perfect.

historic.

a relief.

glorious.

emotional.

hypothermia.

grueling.

torture.

awe inspiring.

once in a lifetime.

hilarious. (road trips with friends are always the best.)



OBAMA!

cops!: some helpful tips

i don't think i'm the only one who gets a little bit more skeeved out when the cops are around.
it could be the loaded gun, the knowledge that they could flip out/have a flashback at any moment, my natural suspicion of state authority, or just my natural aversion to cold eyed dudes in uniform.

but it's helpful to keep one's cool when in the presence of the law. one can't always rely on one's sweet looks or big vocabulary. folks will say that this just makes civilian/cop interaction needlessly adversarial. i say it's forcing them to do their jobs correctly.

they take shortcuts because we (the general public) allow them to take shortcuts.

via the ella baker center for human rights some advice (which i am going to snatch whole):

If the Police Stop You...
Stay in control of your emotions and words. Don’t physically resist.
Keep your hands visible.
Remain silent. They have guns, pepper spray and billy clubs. Your strongest weapon is your mind.
The less you say, the better. Silence is not a crime.
Ask, "Am I free to go?" If they keep you, you are being detained.
Ask, "Why are you detaining me?" To detain you, the police must have concrete reasons to suspect your involvement in a specific crime.
If you’re detained, show ID. If you don’t, they can hold you for three days to ID you.

or Try to Search You...
Never consent to a search.
Say loud and clear (especially if there are any witnesses present): "I do not consent to a search."
Don’t resist physically.
Don’t open your bag for them. It will count as consent to the search.
Police may 'pat down' your clothing if they suspect weapons or drugs.

or Try to Enter Your Home...
Never consent to a search.
Step outside. Lock the door behind you.
Ask to see a warrant. Make sure it has the right information (e.g., address) and a judge’s signature.
They can do only what the warrant allows them to. Warrants often limit the search to one room, one day, etc. Make sure they are complying with the warrant.

or Stop You in Your Car...
Stay calm. Again, you do not have to answer any questions.
When they ask you, show them your driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance.
Tell the officer, "I do not consent to a search."
Don’t open your trunk or car door. It will count as consent to a search of you and your property.
If they give you a ticket, sign it. Otherwise you can be arrested. Fight the ticket in court later.
If the police suspect you of drunk driving and you refuse to take a blood, urine or breath test, your license can be suspended.

If the Police Arrest You...
Do not answer any questions until a lawyer arrives to represent you.
Say only, "I choose to remain silent and I want to talk to my attorney."
The police may handcuff, search, photograph and fingerprint you.
Do not talk about your case to anyone except your attorney.

If You See or Experience Police Brutality
Remain calm.
Write down the details of the incident, badge numbers, and names of witnesses immediately.
Get a medical report immediately, as well as photographs documenting any injuries or property damaged.

Always Be a Witness
Always be a witness for a friend, relative or stranger.
Stop and watch.
Record the officer’s name, badge number, and car number. Write down the time, the place, who said what, and who did what.
If the officer tells you to leave, say, "I have the right to observe from a safe distance." Assure them, "I’m not trying to interfere."

KEY POINTS
Don’t talk to the police. If arrested, say, "I choose to remain silent and I want to talk to my attorney."
Never consent to a search of your person, vehicle, home or property. If the police search you, state loudly, “I do not consent to a search.”
Document and report police misconduct.

who's oscar grant? we are.

for that matter, we are Dymond Milburn and Michael Cho.

sometimes a person gets tired of saying all the things that need to be said.
it's horrific.
it's sad.
it's enraging.
it's awful.
something should be done about it.

yes, something should.
...

what I wrote to a Facebook friend who was trying to make sense of this shooting in the context of Obama's presidency and the upcoming inaugural celebrations:

Race is part of [this shooting] but the larger picture is the
relationship of the State (as represented by the pseudo-militarized arm of
the law) to the Individual. Although people of color are most likely to
experience violence by armed authorities, there's a particular mindset, or
value system, from the State that authorizes control over the individual, in
the interest of the state, that affects all of us, regardless of color. In
other words, the violence of this episode is just a small part of the other
types of violence enacted against populations the State deems undesirable -
based on class, race,sexuality, gender, nationality or religion. The State
is about asserting authority by maintaining its power; Power is about
control over individuals to cow the populace into submission. And that
shooting is about Power run amok.

you're not short-sighted and these two things don't have to be
diametrically opposed at all. which comes first the chicken (State) or the egg
(Racism)? in my view, they each are signs of the other, both supporting the ends
of the other. racism (and all the other associated -isms that go along with it:
colonialism, imperialism,nationalism, jingoism) has been used like a handy tool
by the State/Nation-State to justify genocide, mass murder, mass displacement,
land theft, asset theft, slavery, etc. but on the micro-level, individual
racists have hidden behind the symbols of the state to commit acts of personal
hatred, in the name of the state. so i'd say it's a matter of both/and, not
either/or.
...

in a conversation with my father before i flew back to chicago after christmas we were talking about a family friend's son, his close call with the sherriff's department in Porter Ranch, and what's at play when police are caught abusing their power. two older men, clearly ex-law enforcement, sat next to us while we ate breakfast. (in LA, you can always tell who's been a cop. white or of color, they all have that no bullshit, soldier face, and give off a sense that they can jump off at any moment. they were not pleased at my conversation.)

my father, an ex-LAPD chaplain, is very much on the side of law & order, but lately there have been too many incidents of young black men he knows barely escaping bullshit arrest and beat downs at the hands of police - escaping because of my father's intervention. he was of the mind that race is the primary motivator.

i said, 'it is and it isn't. it's really about the State controlling the individual. race is a convenient narrative for the victim, the media, even the police department to sell but if we're at all honest about how power works and in whose interest, we're all under the boot. white folks think they're safe because they're not black or brown or they live in good neighborhoods and the cops don't shoot them in the street like dogs. bullshit.

you think the police couldn't - wouldn't - lock down LA now the way they did in '92 during the riots? whose interests are protected by all these acts of police brutality? they're hate crimes, created to cow the populace into submission - and it works! we allow them to videotape us, enter our homes without cause, search our cars, surveil our neighborhoods - and we say ok to all of it because they carry a gun and a baton. sure, it's race, but it's about class, sexuality, politics and mostly about suppressing resistance, suppressing criticism. and we let them do it.'

my dad had a funny look on his face. 'girl, where do your ideas come from?'

i rolled my eyes. 'you!'

next to us, the two ex-cops paid their bill, looked hard at me and left.

read more:
the video of Grant's death
Feministe on his execution
BART security are not merely security guards.
M. Dot at Racialicious on how Gran'ts killing haunts them
the Ella Baker Center for Human Rights, and their PoliceWatch initiative, on what can be done about police brutality
Jack&Jill on an incident of being profiled
Ryan Takemiya on Asian solidarity with the black community in the wake of the Grant murder
RaceWire has a few 'take action' recommendations.
Did you know Mukasey moved to strip immigrants of their rights to due process and access to counsel? (this crap is all connected, people)
Womanist Musings on teaching her sons to distrust the police
Richard, at fem.men.ist, connects various dots (including the Greek riots in response to a police shooting) and puts this event in the larger context of international police action against civilians (including what's happening in Gaza.)

what a way to open the year.

one more reason to love the OED

Added Bonus: Irregardless of what you think, "conversate" is a word - Ta-Nehisi Coates

its editor at large, jessie sheidlower, drops both 'ass' and 'fuck.'

(can you tell i'm procrastinating? i really don't want to rewrite this frakking proposal - so much easier to go directly to the district office, rather than this lobbyist shit.)

must must must read: beyonce and socially conservative ideology

If You Liked It Then You Shoulda Put A Ring On It: Beyonce and Socially Conservative Ideology « the black scientist

i have a new blog crush. (sorry ta-nehisi.)
the black scientist is awesome. you have to read his/her piece on queering the black family, old postfunk people queering love, the post on implicit and explicit racism/media, and this one on beyonce supporting conservative ideology through her lyrics.

(yeah, i like dancing to 'Single Ladies', too, and i think the cop in 'If I were a Boy' is sssmokin' hot, but that video gives me a feminist rash.

if you were a boy, beyonce, you would be Bill Cosby.)

coulter tries to bring it

A fight liberals are dying to have - Ta-Nehisi Coates

this is what i love about ann coulter: she's such a chicken shit coward.

there was this rich girl in 9th grade who was, no holds barred, a stone cold bitch in training. she was mean, cruel and liked to see the 7th graders (like me) miserable. i saw her make a girl break down in tears in the girls locker room after PE; she stood in the middle of her friends and laughed while the other girl snatched up her clothes and ran out the room.

one day during lunch it was my turn. we were sitting at the edge of the quad reserved for 9th graders and she sauntered over with a couple of her friends and drawled out something about how i needed to leave because i was polluting the quad and then called me bus trash (since i was bussed in, along with most of the other kids of color.) my big friend cynthia (who looked like she was 18) stood up, put down her sandwich and asked her to repeat what she said. little rich girl looked nervous and backed off.

and this brings me back to coulter. she brings her vindictive bullying racist shit to folks who indulge that it: white dudes - liberal dudes who are scared of her or conservative dudes who wanna date her. (this is the only way i have of explaining why she keeps going back to them.)

who does she avoid? smart, intellectual, siddity, no-nonsense black women.

let's see her up against someone like bell hooks or angela davis and see how she does then.
(for that matter, let's see her against any of the awesome women of color blogging now, of whom i am familiar with just a few: Angry Black Bitch, Jill from Jack & Jill, La Chola, the women on Racialicious, or Post-Bourgie - all are in my sidebar. feel free to share any of your dream-match ups!)

coates on michelle obama

American Girl - The Atlantic (January/February 2009)

it will be be fascinating to watch how our popular culture relates to michelle obama - and how she reacts to it. (or reacts against it or plays complicitly with it.)

expecting our First Ladies to radically step away from their stubbornly retro image (an image we impose on them, btw) is too much but there is something worth watching as we observe how this First Lady inhabits her new role.

from that first Schakowsky Power lunch in chicago two years or so ago, i've always admired michelle obama. i've liked her style, her smarts, and i've liked how she forced our media to be aware of what an accomplished black woman looked like.

(hear that, Real Housewives of Atlanta? i know some folks may go for that show but they are tacky as hell. frankly, that whole Real Housewives franchise gives me a problematic, feminist rash.)

oh, oprah

i'm watching oprah's show from this morning, the dreaded show wherein she talks about her (gasp) drastic weight gain to a (gasp) whopping 200 pounds. personally, i think the election pushed her over the edge, the way it pushed most of us closer to the brink of insanity.

but i'm noticing her language: 'fat wins' and 'my life is out of balance' and 'i am ashamed of my body.' she described feeling ashamed and apalled during a show with tina turner and cher, wanting to hide when they called her onstage to sing 'proud mary' with them. (ironic, huh?) she called herself 'unhinged,' 'imbalanced,' 'unhappy,' empty.

she seemed really angry at herself, at her body, and i said to Roomie, 'I have never thought these things about myself.' neither has Roomie, who's a big soft girl like me.

sure, i look at my body and go, 'dammit, i'm not 27 anymore!' or, during an afternoon frolic with the LTF, and he's moving my soft body around, i have the stray thought, 'wow, he just moved my post-Agatha kangaroo pouch out of the way to get at me.' i giggled because the moment was absurd.

i'm surprised at the strength of oprah's shame and anger at herself. oh, i get it (society's messages about aging, weight, the objectification of women's bodies, blah blah blah) but at the same time, i don't understand why she's fighting herself so much.

oprah, maybe you're not meant to be 160 pounds! maybe your body wants to be 200 lbs!

a couple of years ago, i wrote down my weight number and encouraged all 5 of my readers to share theirs and one said that she was surprised to find how hard it was to share it publicly. so i'm going to do it again: i weigh 222 lbs. i weigh more than oprah. my whole life i've hovered between 215 and 220 but i don't think i've ever looked at my body and hated it as much as oprah hates hers.

or maybe i'm just a badly trained fat girl who didn't read the memo that i'm supposed to internalize this shit.

andrewfarago: The Lost Marvel Team-Up: Spider-Man and Planned Parenthood!

who says comics can't help you?

guess who got nominated for best large blog?

no, not Screed. (sigh. we're not even big enough to be small.)
the other blog i write for: Bitch Ph.D.

go here and vote for us. (BitchPhD, remember!)
then tell your friends, and your mama, too. and so on.

the Bitches - we must win!

why he's good: coates and poetry

And you always fear, what you don't understand... - Ta-Nehisi Coates

if you aren't reading Ta-Nehisi Coates, you're missing something good.

i like the wide-ranging, walkabout nature of his brain - football, politics, black identity, hip hop, poetry, comics, movies, video games - they're all fodder for him.

this thread, i thought was particularly good. how often do you get (mostly non-english major) folks discussing poetry?

though i'm sad no one mentioned rita dove. (i really like her!)

2009. frak.

happy new year, folks.

this year-end was odd, wasn't it? it felt weird to me.
maybe it was because coming back home from LA took some adjusting; maybe because the news in illinois is so very often bizarre and off putting. for whatever reason, wrapping up this year just felt a little anti-climactic.

like, if the year had ended when we elected Obama, that would have been ok. you know, end on an up note.

in fact, an Obama administration is the only bright spot i can think of, though my optimism is tempered by the realities of 2009: worsening economy, foreign conflict, cleaning up the Shrub's missteps and mistakes.

i think 2009 is going to be a year of reacting to circumstances instead of getting ahead of anything. in my personal life, there are potential blind spots lurking out there. some gray spots, cloudy areas, that aren't clear to me, yet. my professional direction, my new place (once i find one), my relationships - these are all up in the air. this kind of uncertainty makes me uncomfortable.

so maybe a good resolution (to echo past resolutions like Make an Effort) would be Be Prepared.

exciting, isn't it? absolutely thrilling.

like Make an Effort (which was actually effective), Be Prepared works on both a professional and personal level.
Be Prepared to be downsized, if this economy tightens further.
Be Prepared to do some covert interviewing.
Be Prepared to tighten one's belt.
Be Prepared to drop the hammer on LTF. Or not. Who knows?
Be Prepared for some sacrifices.

but also,
Be Prepared to be open for positive changes.
Be Prepared to change my mind about some things.
Be Prepared to shift direction, if a shift presents itself.

wow. i sound positively oprah-like (except i'd have a much better way of fact-checking than she has. clearly, her new mantra needs to be Avoid All Creative Non-Fiction Memoirs!)

books and reading other folks' books

why i'm at the office infecting everyone with my germs, i don't know.
but while i ponder that, here's a list of books that caught my eye and maybe you can stun your holiday list with the gift of learnin':

Honour Killing: Stories of Men Who Killed by Ayse Onal
Falling for Science: Objects in Mind edited by Sherry Turkie (scientists write about when they first fell in love with science)
Nerve: The First Ten Years by Nerve.com editors (especially if you remember when Nerve.com was really good and had a print magazine)

(thanks, bookslut, though i wish y'all would read more people of color. but whatever. it's your blog.)

did you also know December is Buy a Book Written by a Black Author and Give it to Someone Not Black Month? (not really, but it's a good idea. i have to confess, i should probably read more black authors, too.)

here are some totally random suggestions of titles that have caught my eye or oldies and goodies (and, no, i'm not listing anything by Zane):
Ida: A Sword Among Lions: Ida B. Wells and the Campaign Against Lynching by Paula Giddings (Wells has always been one of my feminist heroines and the book is also big enough to concuss someone in a black feminist rage, if that is your wont.)
I am Your Sister: Collected and Unpublished Writings of Audre Lord by Rudolph P. Byrd
Best African American Essays edited by Debra Dickerson and Gerald Early (but not avail until jan)
Brother, I'm Dying by Edwidge Danticat (who doesn't love Danticat?)
On the Courthouse Lawn: Confronting the Legacy of Lynching in the 21st Century by Sherrilyn A. Ifill
Through the Ivory Gate by Rita Dove (an old one but I still love this book)
Incognegro by Mat Johnson (a graphic novel - and a word me and my friends would use to make fun of one really really straight-laced black dude in grad school. i know. hello, pot; i'm kettle.)
He's Got the Whole World in His Hands by Kadir Nelson (for a kid you might know)
Getting Mother's Body by Suzan-Lori Parks (don't let the opening line throw you)

i am heavily indebted to these two blogs - here and here - for their suggestions (some of which are already on my library wish list.)

update: more on this topic here, as well.

what she said: the freakily accurate tarot lady

Scene: friday late afternoon - dimly lit nightclub - office party - tarot reader's table

TarotLady: love your glasses!
Ding: thanks!

TL: so this will be a brief reading for the next 6 months or 1 year; we can talk about relationships, work, health, family. whatever you want.
Ding: i've been dealing with work all week so how about relationships.

TL: think about what you want to know and shuffle these.
(Ding thinks and shuffles)
TL: (slapping down cards) hm. are you...in a relationship?

Ding: it's (sigh) complicated.
TL: i'll say. (looks at all the upside down cards) is he married? involved? somehow not available? i'm getting that someone is really wrapped up in their career.

Ding: uh, that would be me. and no, he's just as single as i am. though he could be seeing someone else, i don't really know. (shrug)
TL: huh. this has been happening for a long time now, hasn't it? like a merry-go-round. but there's something there. intensity.

Ding: yeah. you could say that. it's been...7, 8 years? we actually have a lot in common and works. it's like having a long distance relationship but in the same city.
TL: i see. (slaps another card down) well. not for long. you two have an old soul thing going on but it's more habit than anything else. and 2009 is when you break the habit.

Ding: really?
TL: oh, yes. you break the habit. (another card) you move on. you learn what you can, and you're very sefl-aware, you know what's happening, and what you've been practising for happens in 2009. this guy is gone by march or april. march.

Ding: huh. wow. and there's someone else?
TL: yes. (slaps a card down) the one you actually want. the one you don't have to hide from your friends.
Ding: whoa.

TL: yes. he actually wants to be in your life, meet your family, friends, talk with you, spend time with you and will make the effort for you. but you know that you don't get married, right?
Ding: really?

TL: oh, yes. (slaps another card down) you don't get married. you'll be committed, but you're not the marrying kind. so if that was what you were hoping for, it's not in the cards.
Ding: no worries. (actually feeling some kind of relief)

TL: it'll be something that you and he understand. very unconventional and non traditional because that's who you are.
Ding: wow. thanks.
TL: you're not really surprised by this, are you?
Ding: no, i kinda knew. except for meeting someone new.

TL: 2009. it'll be a new year and you'll have a serious change.
Ding: good to know. do you have a card?

and just to emphasize all the gayness, here's your year in entertainment, seen through the gay:

MSN Year in Review: The Gayest Year Ever?

it matters: the rick warren decision

Obama’s Selection of Evangelical Pastor Rick Warren for Inauguration Sparks Gay Outrage - US News and World Report

i have to admit, i'm puzzled over this one.
(who would i have picked? Peter Gomes. he's black AND gay!)

rick warren's disgust with the 'gay lifestyle' (like it's picking a tea cozy or deciding where to vacation) is just code for 'i am a raging homophobe.' and that's why it matters.

choosing someone like rick warren is exactly like inviting a friendly, raging racist to stand up there and give the prayer.

when are we going to see that civil rights are civil rights, no matter who's asking for them?

if the larger society is to accept the basic humanity of gays and lesbians then certain lines need to be drawn in the sand. one of those lines is recognizing that homosexuality is not a lifestyle choice but a life, like yours and mine and, therefore, it should be recognized as such and reap the same benefits of lives like yours and mine.

in the same way you cannot choose your skin color or your gender, you cannot choose your sexual orientation.

(a lesson that Ted Haggard is still learning, clearly.)

this is not a point to debate or cavil over but the basic, fundamental dividing line between those supporting gay civil rights and those who are against it. there is no point in conversing, negotiating or symbolically linking these two camps when the two camps are so fundamentally opposed.

i can understand only some of the thinking behind this pick. rick warren symbolizes a so-called 'post-denominational' church (an idea which would make my dad spit.) but i think we can probably think of pastors on the religious left who better symbolize this spirit of moving away from tired fundamentalism and its culture wars: brian mclaren? peter gomes? my pastor? jim wallis? father michael pfleger? an ordained woman from any of the mainline churches, perhaps?

a friend made me realize that Power is Power, no matter who wears it, even the affable, tall, skinny, black guy we're going to call President. and Power, no matter who wears it, never willingly cedes ground.

and so, those of us who are demanding something from Power, neither can we.

what, slow news day?

The Demise of Dating - NYTimes.com

gimme a freaking break.

intimacy = epic fail

what a weird day: shoes thrown at Shrub, a good friend let go from my office, massive project about to descend on my shoulders and having weird, sudden, totally bizarre and *couple-like* thoughts about giving a christmas token (ok, gift, whatever) to LTF (Long Term Frolic) who would probably freak if he knew what i was thinking.

exchanging gifts is what couples do.*
LTF and i are not a couple. but i'd like to acknowledge the years (count 'em) we've known each other, show that i'm fond of him and to wish him a good holiday.

or is this guilt?**

what do you get someone who's been your lover for the past 7-8 years but who you've put in a tiny little box and never invited to meet your friends, family, spend a night at your place or read a single piece of your writing? (all 5 of my readers see more of my life than he does.)

a poinsettia? an ornament? an itunes gift card? a set of plushy bath towels***?
_____
* Not that i'd expect anything in return. geez, no.
** Which is what my old coach, Dr. C-, would ask me to explore. But I won't.
*** Or is that too girl-friendy, even though he really really needs them?

the blagonian mind

she has a point.

in all this week's craziness surrounding our (crazy) governor's (crazy) attempt to turn his administration into a mirror image of the 18th century french court, the words crazy, delusional, insane, psychotic, sociopathic, unhinged, unbalanced, etc., have been thrown around with glee to describe g-rod's possible motivation.

(i'll admit it. i'm one of the gleeful ones.)

but last night, at a little cocktail party with some non profit chief execs, the ceo of a children's aid agency said, 'what if he is mentally ill? is it still funny?'

and we stopped laughing.
because, in all reality, mental illness isn't funny.

which is why, from now on, i'm no longer going to refer to the governor as crazy. not just because it's not funny to make fun of the mentally ill but because i really don't believe he is.

he's just crass, corrupt, venal, dishonest and overwhelmingly stupid.

which begs the question: is it ok to make fun of the stupid?
and i say, of course.

holding up the stupid to ridicule is permissable when the formula follows thusly: stupid + power + (crippling pride - impulse control) = target.

back to teh gay: stewart grills huckabee

last night, after a funny bit on our governor, jon stewart had probably the most thoughtful and firm interview with mike huckabee wrt his stance on gay marriage.

stewart was like a boxer, cornering huckabee, not letting anything get past him. the whole thing was very very skillful (and respectful) and finally got the conversation around to the crux of anti-gay rights folks' thinking: they honestly still think being gay is a 'choice' and, therefore, civil rights for what is clearly something they don't have to choose to be is moot.

there was one point in the conversation where huckabee said that he wants to make it clear that folks who are against gay marriage aren't homophobic, don't hate gay people. but clearly, if you don't think gay people are exactly like you and deserve what the rest of us have, and you think it's ok to force them to live fake lives because you don't 'believe in homosexuality' then whatever your intent, the impact is hatred and homophobia.

the link from Think Progress has the video clip:

Think Progress » Stewart Grills Huckabee On Gay Marriage: ‘At What Age Did You Choose Not To Be Gay?’

Blagonian Venality

there is a pile of work on my desk and a list of to-dos at least 10 items deep but i'm still repelled/fascinated by the scandal whirling around our governor.

everyone was talking about it yesterday. my two cabbies, my LTF (Long Term Frolic), my Roomie, my friends (even those from out of state), everyone on cable tv (including jon stewart who also had a righteous conversation with mike huckabee about gay rights and marriage) and, this morning, it's still everywhere.

i was trying to figure out why this scandal disgusts me so. after all, we're all old hands at political scandals. spitzer, stevenson, mcgreevey, senator 'wide stance', clinton, old man daley, etc. the mental image i had of our governor, who's supposed to enforce the state constitution (an article of which is the elimination of poverty for those who live in this state) putting price tags on every aspect of his office made me angry. i actually felt like spitting in this man's face.

there is about this scandal a tackiness, a grasping, idiotic greediness that disgusts me. but i realized it's not just the greed, it's the venality.

it is 'the prostitution of talents or principles for mercenary considerations.' (thank you, OED.)

i'm trying to remember my dante and figure out where our governor would be: in the eighth circle of hell with the corrupt politicians? or with the hypocrites? the thieves? or in purgatory, trying to work off his sins of pride, wrath or avarice?

Blagonian Saga, pt 3: impeachment?

if you don't know, the Capitol Fax Blog is the place folks go to keep a pulse on Springfield. it is awesome.

and from them comes this little tip that there is movement to begin impeachment proceedings against the G-Rod, his resignation notwithstanding: The Capitol Fax Blog » MADIGAN: HOUSE TO CONVENE MONDAY ON SENATE ELECTION BILL - MJM “PREPARED TO DISCUSS” IMPEACHMENT

let's not forget all the other things the state has to deal with:
$5 billion in unpaid bills
a growing deficit budget that has no hope of being balanced anytime soon
a hobbled general assembly that has new leadership
a crumbling and ineffective infrastructure without any guiding priority list
an economic meltdown that will surely affect every county in the state
an unstable unemployment trust fund
growing unemployment
a housing crisis

all of this on top of a corrupt and mordantly stupid governor under investigation.

december is going to be an exciting month.

the blagojeviches: they're like hillbilly macbeths

Chicagoist: Quoting the Blagojevich Complaint

the Chicagoist has pulled choice quotes from the Blago complaint and it's like reading excerpts from a badly redacted Cliffs Notes version of MacBeth. i mean, you have patty blagojevich in the background of a phone call screeching about a piece of the pie, egging him on, and you have Blago putting a price tag on everything/everyone and thinking his dumb ass actually has a chance to run for president in some alternate universe where no one can read or Google search his name. really, Governor?! really??

this arrest is like a gift to the IL GOP.
they could run a high school valedictorian for governor and win.

you can read the whole complaint here. they're not lying; it really is a good read.

holy crap

so...Gov. Rod has been arrested. i'm listening to the press conference now. (and, can i say that patrick fitzgerald is awesome?)

i was in an early morning meeting, standing in line for coffee when the guy next to me looked down at his blackberry and said, 'huh. the governor was just taken into custody by the feds.'

a white-haired woman said, 'get out.'
i said, 'you're kidding.'

he said, 'no lie. the trib just sent an alert.'

all of us whipped out our blackberries and checked. we gasped and hurried to sit down and read the news. the trib updated about every 20 minutes or so and when 2 state senators referenced it from our panel later in the meeting, the majority of the audience gasped.

dude. this is huge.
this dumb, awful, incompetent man was trying to sell Obama's old senate seat, among other things.

you have to read the trib story. appalling.

the thing is, until he's convicted of conspiracy to commit a crime, he's still governor! technically, he could still appoint obama's successor!

jesus.

consider this your place to mull all things corrupt and shameful.

good lord. what is this??

WHY, sweet jesus, why??

i'm serious. why?

sexism ruins everything: Transporter 3

what is not to love about jason stathan? he's big, bald, english and built like a Hummer. in his movies, he always looks good, cars go fast and shit blows up. but, sometimes, you really wish his movies made some little effort to have a woman in it who didn't make you wish she was strapped to dynamite, no matter how cutely freckled she is.

(or, more appropriately, burn with the desire to see luc besson strapped to dynamite. the female characters he writes seem to be perpetually adolescent, burdened with a number of developmental challenges, and who respond in ways that are completely unattached to what is actually taking place around them.)

i can appreciate a well-choreographed car chase like any other but Transporter 3 was stupidly, lamely, idiotically and typically sexist.

though i have dwindling faith in male scriptwriters to write female characters with actual brains anytime soon, perhaps someone will pay attention:

1. if a female character was the adult daughter of a high ranking government official, mightn't she have a much better education than the average Ibiza party girl and not be so evidently vacuous?

2. in times of life-threatening stress, a believable woman would not get coy and refuse to offer important, relevant information that might help keep her and a companion alive.

3. knowing that her life depends on surving a treacherous road trip, an interesting and believable woman would not choose a random moment to waste time and drop ecstasy, swig vodka and demand her driver perform a strip tease for her.

4. somewhat related, during a kidnapping, it is not at all probable that a woman would demand a pit stop to seduce and have sex with her fellow kidnap victim/driver.

5. and if a pit stop was necessary, it would be to change from the high heels and party dress to more appropriate action gear that would allow one to, you know, run or something.

6. unless she has undergone brain damage, a more believable and less annoying female character would be a lot more interested in crisis resolution and not let the big guy do all the heavy lifting. for instance, instead of ineffectually screaming in the backseat while being re-kidnapped, perhaps one would be a little bit more focused on stopping the car.

geez, i hate sexism.

dork love: BSG!!

well, this got my attention.
Battlestar Galactica 4.5 Promo Clips!!

aargh. the finale can't come soon enough! why must you make us wait until april? why??

Vote for the YWCA!

Click here and vote for the YWCA Metropolitan Chicago; the organization with the most votes wins $15,000. We help women, girls, children and rape victims, for jeebus' sake! We help eliminate racism!

What to do:
1- Pick Chicago, IL
2- Click on YWCA Metropolitan Chicago
And that's it but you can only vote 1/day - so vote every day until December 10!

Frakking kids. We were kicking their butts until yesterday!

(yeah, conflict of interest. whatever. it's my blog and i can do what i want.)

(link fixed! thanks, Orange!)

frak home for the holidays

I was actually going to write something heartwarming and very Hallmark-ish about how much I like Thanksgiving and how I'll miss my dead mother's recipe for stuffing but I just got off a conference call at the office that just about made my head explode. I have *no* patience for inefficiently run conference calls where nothing is clear and folks wouldn't know an action item if it bit them on the ass. I especially have no patience for consultants without a good project management bone to share between them. We are paying you goo-gobs of cash! Work faster!!

So work has destroyed my soft, gooey mood and made me cranky. I'm so cranky I'm glad I'm going to be staying home by myself for the holiday. Me, in loungey pants, with a pint of gelato, some chili that I'll make on Wednesday night, and a stack of creepy, guilty pleasure DVDs and maybe some nekkid action with a boy. Or two.

I haven't decided how cranky I am and how much stress relief I'll need, yet.

Prop 8: the legal challenge begins

And so it begins, the legal arguments and decisions that will impact the everyday lives of gay and lesbian Californians.

A brief digression: in my day job, I'm the government relations officer for a non profit and I basically see that role as one that explains to interested (or apathetic) parties why my organization matters and why the work we do is meaningful and how others can contribute to that meaning. I was reading a messaging document about the way to frame a particularly complicated campaign we're about to launch in coalition with other orgs in the state and it presented a novel (to me) idea - that when advocating for a social cause, it might be better to promote materialist thinking, rather than mentalist thinking.

Using a materialist approach in social justice communications concentrates on the concrete advantages of better policy decisions rather than factors that are outside the public sphere of interest, like character, choices or individual motivation.

It's kind of confusing but it works like this: you have to give folks a reason to discard their binary thinking, largely based in fear or ignorance. "Gay marriage will mean the end of heterosexual marriage" or "Gay marriage is unnatural" (because being gay is unnatural)

A mentalist approach (something I do all the time because I get so easily pissed off) says that 'Gay marriage is good because gays are people too and it's just fair to legally recognize their relationships, too! You're such a bigoted asshole!'

This is one effective way of communicating the issue.

Might there be a more effective way to communicate the issue?

Perhaps. (And I'm working this out as I'm writing here, so bear with me.)

A materialist approach says this:
"The right to form a family without the interference of state or federal government is a core American value, along with fairness, equality and freedom. To deny gay marriage, or other legal arrangements that replicate (though aren't the same as) marriage rights, is to deny them the right to form a family and separates them from a national identity that is rightfully theirs."

Or something like that.

The advantage of this kind of framing:
It neutralizes the kerfuffle about 'protecting' families and maintaining the importance of families to an intact social fabric. In fact, it buys into it. You are correct, sir. Families are the foundation of society and gays and lesbians would like to have families of our own.
It allows a conversation about how gay families support society. Gay families provide parenting, support children, are invested in and contribute to the various supports that are involved in raising a family.
It connects the narrative of gay and lesbian equality to a national narrative of liberation. It's not just about one community, it's about the connection to a big ol' community. The struggle of other people and other communities to live lives of independence and freedom, away from social and religious oppression, is no different from this struggle.
It erases the binary Us/Them. Family is family, no matter who's in it.
And it doesn't waste time pleading for reluctant hetero acceptance of a gay 'lifestyle.' Homophobia will probably never go away; but with family, there's strength.

Ok, I really should get on the phone now and do some work.


CA Court Case Challenges Prop 8, Anti-Gay Rights Measure | RHRealityCheck.org

well, that's one album i don't need

just the other day i was listening to a prince song and thinking, 'he is so cool; i need to download his latest.' but that was before i readthis.

so i guess i can download something else now.

the view from the other side: why civil unions aren't enough

From an Andrew Sullivan post:

We are so often told by opponents of marriage equality that they do not oppose our right to have basic legal protections. What they do not understand, because they have never had to understand, is that without legal marriage, gay couples are always subject to the veto of family members who have more say over our spouses under the law than we do.

and this:

Until you have been treated as sub-human, it's hard to appreciate how it feels. We will not give up. And we will win in part for the sake of those who never made it to see this day.

This is what my faith teaches me, whatever the Vatican insists. Our love really is stronger than their fear.

so to bridget, chris and others who offer the mealy-mouthed 'i'm ok with their civil unions but, euww, i don't want them to be married because marriage is meant to be straight' i say that this is a civil rights issue.

you're either for equal rights because you truly believe in liberty for ALL and that all men were created equal, and thus how the world works for one set of the citizenry is how it should work for ALL - or you don't and think that our Constitution is only for straight people.

pick one.

no apology

"If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nailbiters." Anita Bryant

while it's snowing in chicago let me share why i was rude to commenter bridget, down below.

(no one may be asking, but i'll tell you anyway because - one, i'm sure i'm going to be rude a few more times as i keep writing about gay rights and, two, i don't want to keep explaining myself.)

i have no patience for the apologists of bigotry, no matter how harmless they try to make themselves seem.
i have no interest in engaging in some bullshit, trollish 'conversation,' or 'dialogue,' about 'both sides' of the issue because there are no two sides of denying american citizens basic equal rights because you don't like who they sleep with.

if you don't believe basic humanity and decency, as well as the foundation of our Constitution, dictates that the same liberty that you and i experience should be extended to everyone, as part of their national birthright, then you have nothing to say to me.

that's it. those are the parameters, the guidelines of the issue with which i'm willing to engage - not about religion and not about morality because our rights as citizens have nothing to do with either religion or morality.

it's pathetic that the shite spewed by anita bryant back in the 70s still has currency today. i guess that's the laziness of bigotry for you.

oh, rahm, pt. 2

Wonkette : Take Intern Juli’s Advanced Emanuel Brothers Personality Test From Hell

So, if one really wants to be thorough about one's Obama Administration stalking, knowing one's target is absolutely crucial.

Heh.

it's about love

[h/t Wade and LeBlanc on Bitch, Ph.D.]

party over: a primer on equality and Prop 8 - from a brown straight girl!

We'll take a brief break from the longest post-election party ever to turn a quiet, sober eye to California, my home state. There, among the raisins, peaches and lettuce, the people of California voted overwhelmingly to deny their fellow Californians basic equal rights while, at the same time, making it possible for Barack Obama to become President. Ironic, isn't it?

Basically, Prop 8 tells every gay person in California to suck it up and accept it: you will never have the same right or access to the same things to which I, my straight sister and straight brother in law have rights and access.

There. That's the Proposition in a nutshell.
(Come at me with your counter arguments trying to explain to the 'danger' of gay rights and not only will I call bullshit on all of it, I will ask you what made you hate gay people.)

Now there's been some talk about who's to blame for this vote. Was it black people? Was it Latinos? Was it black and/or Latino church folk? (We'll come back to that.)

Let's cut to the chase: it was straight people who tanked equal rights for gays in California. (Let that sink in a bit. We'll come back to that, too.)

Here's the thing about equal rights - they actually supercede religion and race and they do so because the idea behind equality and civil rights is quite simple:

IF SOCIETY WORKS ONE WAY FOR ONE PARTICULAR GROUP OF PEOPLE, TO THEIR BENEFIT, THEN IT BETTER WORK THE EXACT SAME WAY FOR EVERYONE ELSE.

I will repeat this often and loudly at whoever is puffing themselves into a self-righteous ball about why they voted for Prop 8:

Religion: you voted for Prop 8 because the Bible said so. Well, so what? We don't live in a theocracy and it's wrong for a portion of the population to be subjected to your narrow interpretation of the bible which should actually have no bearing on civic life. God will not send you to hell because you voted for something that gives Tony and Miguel the right to spousal healthcare benefits or visit one another in the hospital should Tony get hit by the RTD.

The 'Ick' Factor: you voted for Prop 8 because the idea of two women loving one another and exchanging vows in front of a judge skeeves you out. Again, so the frak what? Your personal, outdated and irrelevant homophobia just legally stripped an entire community of their basic civil rights which they should have because they're, you know - basic frakking human beings living in America.

The Race Thing: you're quite willing to vote for Obama but, lawd, that gay thing is what white folks do. Are you kidding me?? You are surrounded by gay people.

You sit in church, look up into the choir and know that Donny the pianist has been 'that way' for years. (Quiet as kept, you know big ol' flashy, stentorian Bishop So-And-So has been having liaisons with black men for years.)
You have a cousin who has brought her slightly butchy 'roommate' to every family reunion and you know they're not just sharing an apartment to save on rent.
You have heard stories of folks in your family who've never married or remarried after a spouse has died, but are suddenly quite comfortable moving in with their life-long same sex best friend - and you know it's not just about companionship.
You go to all the fests in Leimert Park and you see the all the gay men with their babies and their 'girlfriends' and you KNOW those men aren't straight.

And you know what? Luther - gay! Langston - gay! Snoop (on The Wire) - gay! My aunt Diane - totally gay (which I just found out about last year from my dad who was also caught by surprise)!

What the hell, my people?!
Y'all had best get off your high horses about civil rights and demanding to hear bullshit arguments to 'convince' you that gay people need the same rights as you. Who do we think we are? We do not own the patent on civil rights. Ol' Miss Sally mighta marched with Dr. King but Ol' Miss Sally has NO right to use Dr. King's fight to emancipate black folk to justify keeping gay people in a cage built by her cultural misunderstanding of what 'the gays' do, are like or really want.

You know what gay people want? What you and I have. Freedom. Autonomy. Dignity. The privilege to introduce the person they love to a room full of people as their spouse. They want to fulfill a human desire to create a family and have that family be protected just as your family is protected. They want what we have and we should give it to them.

Why? Because we took it away from them!

This brings me back to STRAIGHT PEOPLE tanking this thing for the gays. White, black, latino or asian - a majority of the heteros in California voted for this shit. Why? Because we are drowning in our straight privilege and are, deep down, unrepentant homophobes. We don't like gay people. Apparently, we mustt hate them, despite working with gay people, socializing with gay people and having gay people in our family. We might as well have just pinned a great big pink triangle on them.

And until we share some of this burden and hold our fellow straight breeders accountable for their homophobia, gay people will never get what they deserve - what we have.

(Why I'm using 'we:' we, even as self-identified friends to the gays, are implicated in this travesty. Clearly, if we straight people who support gay rights because we know and love gay friends and family or because we know it's the right thing to do or because we are (gag) 'tolerant' - clearly we didn't do enough. Our gay-hating friends, acquaintances, neighbors and family voted for this shit because we didn't call them out on this crap long before this stupid Proposition even got on the ballot.

The burden to change the paradigm of hatred and bigotry shouldn't fall entirely on the community that's oppressed by it; it should be shared equally by the privileged who must sacrifice something in order to see the promised land of equal rights for all.)

So go on. Celebrate voting for Obama and 'change.'
Deep down we straight folks are oozing with the same old bullshit tar of hypocrisy.

[A Private Note to Richard:
Yes, I do think anal sex is healthy, especially when done with respect, with someone you trust and/or love, with plenty of lube, as well as a condom.

In fact, Lawrence v. Texas pretty much guarantees that any and all enjoyment of butt sex is private and outside of the reach of the law. In fact, beyond butt sex, Lawrence v. Texas also upholds that the liberty given to us in the Constitution pretty much covers gay folks' freedom to enter into relationships without fear of reprisal or criminal prosecution, whether or not such a relationship has legal recognition. You know - like STRAIGHT PEOPLE. Thanks for asking.]

oh, rahm.

The Daily Dish | By Andrew Sullivan (November 06, 2008) - Getting To Know Obama's New Chief Of Staff

i have just added one more name to my Crazy Jewish Dudes I Like (A LOT) list:

And there’s the story of how, the night after Clinton was elected, Emanuel was so angry at the president’s enemies that he stood up at a celebratory dinner with colleagues from the campaign, grabbed a steak knife and began rattling off a list of betrayers, shouting "Dead! . . . Dead! . . . Dead!" and plunging the knife into the table after every name. "When he was done, the table looked like a lunar landscape," one campaign veteran recalls. "It was like something out of The Godfather. But that’s Rahm for you."

(swoon)

We Won!

Oh my god.
We did it.

Thank jesus.

VOTE

I cannot say this with enough emphasis: Get in gear and go vote.

Stand in line for a long time; wear comfortable shoes; pee in a can or wear Depends.

Double check your polling location.

Bring two forms of ID (one with a photo and one that verifies your current mailing address)

Bring along the number of the ACLU voter protection hotline and email:
1-877-523-2792/email at vrp@aclu.org

Vote all the way down the ballot (a filibuster-proof majority is our goal!)

Read directions carefully and take your time with the new electronic system.

[This is a special note to members of the youth vote:

I've already had to tell someone's undergraduate sister living in Mississippi, but wanting to vote absentee in Texas, that she can't vote today because she waited too long and missed her deadline for sending in her application as well as her ballot. Are you freaking kidding me??

If you guys blow this for us (as you did back in 2000 with your Nader vote) I will be seriously pissed.

This goes for all the little old people down in Florida, too.]

in memory of dana ferguson

yesterday, i went to my pastor's funeral.

the church was coldly austere and beautiful; the service emotional and wrenching. somberly dressed, clearly fighting tears, members of the church streamed in from all over the city, forming a line that rivaled one on Easter Sunday. a letter from the Mayor's office was read.

i held it together through Barber's 'Adagio', through the opening prayers but then came Psalm 121, which has always been a favorite of mine.

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
8 The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

it made me think of her evident dedication to her calling, the joy and discipline she showed but also the brave perseverance she showed during her illness. it was almost too much to think about.

but there were moments of joy, too. laughter through the eulogy, the comfort of seeing a packed congregation rise as one to sing the doxology, to recite the Apostles Creed, all of us praying together and reciting the 23rd Psalm (another of my favorites.)

and finally, after the wrenching recessional as her casket was slowly wheeled down the long, straight center aisle led by a bagpiper and followed by the pastoral staff and her surviving family, the Tower Brass doing a boozy, ragtime arrangement of 'Just A Closer Walk With Thee' that made us all erupt in bursts of giggles and clapping. it was her final joke.

the lesson here? in the shadow of death and sadness there is joy and grace. this is the gift that Christ has given us and for which, despite my personal failings and struggles, i am eternally grateful.