what i'm getting my dad for father's day

a massive kick in the ass.

i swear my dad is going to give me a heart attack. i feel like i'm the mother of a stubborn, idiot teenager who won't listen to anything i say so i must resort to saying things very slowly, like Bill Cosby, and repeating questions like: can you understand me? do you understand why i'm telling you this?

when i tell him that i disagree with his choices and that his choices make me afraid for his future and upset me,thus making my chest hurt a little, what's his response?

"well, i won't tell you my plans for the future, then."

that's not the solution, old man! the correct answer is change your plans! they're bad plans!

jesus.
my left hand is sort of tingling. is that a bad sign?

being a girl

thanks to my friend L- who sent me this article about the woman who stonewalled the inquiry at the justice department: How Monica Goodling played the gender card. - By Emily Bazelon and Dahlia Lithwick - Slate Magazine although i read newspaper reports i haven't been all up in this story. (i have a job, you know!)

but it's a smart, savvy take on gender performance and how our public eye is still more comfortable and accommodating when women weaken themselves rather than stand from a position of strength.

(take this article and then go to that recent study about 'uppity' women being targets of sexual harrassment more frequently than women who adhere to traditional gender roles. they're good bookends for each other.)
...
speaking of being a girl, it's dating season (for good or bad.)

had drinks last week with a very naughty actor guy (we made out in front of Moody Bible College) and yesterday had dinner with a divorced father of two who lived in the burbs.

but i think the hormonal surprise of the weekend was running into an old boss of mine in the supermarket and, while we were chatting and catching up, suddenly thinking, 'ohmygosh. he's totally hot.'

why was this a surprise? he's totally not my type: politically conservative, a 'good ol' boy' from nebraska, one of those totally testosteroned guy types, in possession of a personal life that resembles a train wreck (hello, contentious custody battle), and with a bizarre sales guy demeanor he can turn on and off like water. and, yet, he totally made my uterus clench.

weird.

who's going to italy? i am.

Roomie just reserved a villa in italy for next year!

we're going with a bunch of friends!
italy!
tuscany!
villa!
wine!
cheese!
pasta!
vistas!
i have to learn italian!

all of us are in a tizzy of planning (wardrobes, activities, day trips, food, music, wardrobes.) we haven't been able to work sensibly for the past hour. the group blog is already up and there is NO POINT in getting any work done. we're going to italy!

dude. this is completely better than the cocktail date i have scheduled for tonight.

bitten: close but no cigar

it looks like all i do nowadays is write about clothes, huh? no more snappy, angry political criticism, no more feminist screeds...just clothes. well, clothes can be political, too: who gets them, who controls the industry and who decides who gets to buy what - these are 'political' issues. granted, they're not at big as reproductive health access, but for those of us on the margins, it's a fightin' time.

privilege is invisible; in other words, the thing that marks your privilege is the thing you can't see, or you take for granted. whether you buy your clothes from an outlet or a high end store like barneys, if you go in without worrying about leaving empty-handed, this is the manifestation of your privilege as a 'normal' sized woman. i can't speak for other women who have worn sizes 16-20 since high school, but i've never once been able to do that. whatever city i'm in, i am hyper aware that a shopping trip for me will be limited; i will have to shop in specialty stores, will have to compromise on style and quality and whatever i buy will be a begrudged compromise between what i want, what's popular and what other people make for me.

bouncing between what passes for cute in bloomies, and the pants that fit at old navy, shopping is an event that i don't want to share with anyone because the many steps to shopping is exhausting.

so along comes Bitten, sarah jessica parker's new line of super cheap clothes, that promises to give women affordable style. i was a little excited about the prices and the seeming cute clothes but what really got me was the size range: 2-22. but where can i get it? only through a steve & barry's store and where's the closest one? way out here.

and thus, the problem. no one ever gets it right. if the sizes aren't there, we can't buy clothes; if the sizes are there, but the price point is too high, we can't buy clothes; if the price point is ridiculously low, the sizes are there, there are issues with quality, and you have to drive to iowa to purchase it, we still can't buy clothes.

so here's a big soft girl's manifesto. here's what i frakking want:
i want to walk into a jcrew (because i'm secretly preppy like that) and i want to find my size just like everyone else. that's it. it's that simple. i want to find my size.

repeat it with me: i want to find my size. i want. to find. my size.

can you hear me, big retailers and buyers and designers and bridge label people? i want to find my size.

a great blog i stumbled across has her own take on Bitten: The Budget Fashionista -Bitten by Sarah Jessica Parker on Oprah

three in one

i'm drowning in binders at work over here. conference call, advocacy procedures, reviews coming up, board meetings, blah blah blah.

so, of course i'm going to spend my time thinking about distractions: clothes and boys. oh, and another lisa belkin article about the opt out moms now trying to opt back in.

clothes: the times acknowledges that teen fashion is everywhere (am i the only one who hates H&M?) and trying to dress one's age is difficult. however, there are solutions. if i looked like one of their fashion sketches, perhaps i'd agree with them.

boys: yeah, so, i'm doing the eHarmony thing. (roll of eyes) i mean, if you can't meet someone based on 29 dimensions, where can you? they've improved their process and, though i'm a hit with lots of divorced guys in the burbs, i'll reserve judgment and will try to ignore the overtly goody-goodiness of it all. meanwhile, there is one last nerve guy i'll probably meet for a drink next week.

and the times says that if you're trying to meet a guy in a class, good luck with that.

opting back in: a few women have managed to squeeze their way back into the workplace. i'm still waiting for the article about women of color and why they never opted out in the first place.

i have shopping on the brain.
the weather is warmer, my pedicure is cute and all i want to do is shop for cute summer clothes that will make me feel light as a feather and not too sweaty.

first, an observation:
anyone remember the heady days of 1993 when little babydoll dresses, worn with tights and doc martens, were the absolute thing??

well, they're back. isn't there some rule that if you're old enough to have worn a trend the first time around, you shouldn't wear it when it comes back?

all clear

my ob gyn called today to let me know that my irregular pap is all clear! whoo hoo! the biopsies they took are clear, too! more whoo hoo!

i've been so worried about my fibroid (aka, Agatha) that i totally forgot i had a weird pap. so: no std's. no cervical weirdnesses (as of right now). just one poolball-sized fibroid to be eradicated.

life's good.

(i'll worry about my root canal later.)

when law school students run amok

fascinating.
i wonder how you'd design an experiment to see how fast it takes for a group of guys to totally devolve into a pack of Lord of the Flies-ish anti-semitic, misogynist racists with rape fantasies.

i mean, does the transformation from clean cut ordinary dude to spittle-covered savage take an average of 24 hours? two weeks? a year? or, is it just something that occurs instantaneously whenever a bunch of them gather on an anonymous chat board?

Bitch Ph.D. writes about it here. (and, yes, i'm totally late reading about this!)

and if any of my law grad friends are out there, have you even heard of this board? what's up with that?!

shopping: the return of ugly

i had to get an outfit for tomorrow - one that would move from a business meeting, a luncheon and then another business meeting and then a board meeting. basically, a cute lightweight suit-ish thing. (i have a couple at home, but they're more for fall, not spring.)

i was about to write a long, screedy thing, describing every awful outfit i saw in macy's and lane bryant but i'll just keep it simple:

dear retailers,
do you hate us?
because you keep ignoring the pleas and downright demands of plus size customers.

we don't want to wear the clothes you're making for us. they. are. ugly. you are forcing us to choose those boxy skirts in colors that wouldn't find a place in GAP, Banana or JCrew; those shapeless shirts and jackets that our mothers wore are beginning to show up in your stores again and we hate them. and, now, we are beginning to hate you. if you even attempt to foist mom jeans with a tapered leg on us, we might just have to rise up and kill one of you.

hear us: if you won't create a separate, stylish store for us, for the love of god, expand your sizes. don't hide your large sizes in the back of the store, or in the burbs; put them where you put everything else. find a fit model (joy nash is a good template) and, for god's sake, fire your buyers. they hate fat people.

sincerely,
ding

hm.

Grey’s Anatomy Spinoff - The New Modern Woman, Ambitious and Feeble

i've only watched 3 episodes of GA in all the time it's been on tv. and i've noticed the same thing this review mentions:

On “Grey’s Anatomy” at least two female characters, Christina (Sandra Oh) and Dr. Bailey (Chandra Wilson) have confidence, big egos and an ability to keep their sorrows to themselves most of the time. The female leads on the new series are fragile and pitiable, and it’s a worrisome imbalance.

i wonder if these characters' perceived strength is because they're women of color, created and written by a woman of color.

just wondering...

a clockwork B-

if anything, he is predictable.
B- sent me an email today asking if i saw his sister when she performed for my organization at an event last month.

then he asked me out for a drink.
i declined.

i could totally set my watch to him.

for mother's day

when i was still in grad school my mom would send me random care packages - shampoo, adobo seasoning, scissors. i'd get the box and would have no idea what i'd find inside.

one day, she sent me a birthday card with this clipping inside. inside the card, she'd written: 'this reminds me of you and makes me laugh.'

jesus.
now i've gotten all teary-eyed at work.