tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post3213575281280177694..comments2023-10-26T05:43:54.865-05:00Comments on Screed: doubled conversations: or, this is not about hairDelia Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00433503510087047283noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-54893767388877776202009-10-26T09:33:57.755-05:002009-10-26T09:33:57.755-05:00Well, we *are* friends and we've chosed to lea...Well, we *are* friends and we've chosed to leave this at an impasse (of sorts.)<br /><br />But to the larger conversation, our kerfuffle here just shows that these misunderstandings or misfired conversation take hard work to overcome in any meaningful way. Will ExRoomie and I overcome this misfired conversation? Probably.<br /><br />But it's also probably going to be running underneath dingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-41202113628140753022009-10-25T23:45:44.495-05:002009-10-25T23:45:44.495-05:00I'm reading this and my jaw is damn near on th...I'm reading this and my jaw is damn near on the floor.<br /><br />Gooch you seem to think that because you are friends with a person of colour and have been for 9years that you are can't possibly not be aware of certain things.<br /><br />You come off defensive , extremely aggresive, dominating and extremely rude.<br /><br />What's worse, is the fact that your friend has to constantlysoulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06035447940907993185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-30491362842305449602009-10-21T15:12:15.430-05:002009-10-21T15:12:15.430-05:00Poison leaves no trace. By the time I'd be sus...Poison leaves no trace. By the time I'd be suspected, I'd pull a Polanski and live in the Swedish hills with the whitest people on earth as my cover and drink copious amounts of vodka throughout my exile.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-6018429271658340142009-10-21T14:16:55.439-05:002009-10-21T14:16:55.439-05:00killing them is a start...
bu then i'd have t...killing them is a start...<br /><br />bu then i'd have to visit you in jail while you wear an orange jumpsuit. not a good look.dingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-53768940718771418742009-10-21T12:11:45.695-05:002009-10-21T12:11:45.695-05:00....and *why* is this not a pretty place to start?.......and *why* is this not a pretty place to start? You sent a version of this to me in 2001, dude.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-35515897849181977082009-10-21T11:58:24.615-05:002009-10-21T11:58:24.615-05:00Generalizing white people, generalizing black peop...Generalizing white people, generalizing black people, it stops discussion in its tracks. It thwarts understanding. To say that my questioning your recounting of a conversation is "common" is disregarding the core issue that you processed that conversation through a huge filter, leaving out large components of context and intention. Ignoring the specifics and the truth of that Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-76369093225289074982009-10-21T11:06:25.063-05:002009-10-21T11:06:25.063-05:00"Common for white people?" Awesome. Just...<i>"Common for white people?" Awesome. Just....awesome, guys.</i><br /><br />But it is! <br /><br /><i>This conversation should have happened in person</i><br />No it shouldn't have. I have made a conscious decision *not* to talk to you guys about race stuff. Why? Because we are all talking about different things and it makes me tired.<br /><br />You want solution? Here's dingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-81326042728788286982009-10-21T10:00:36.524-05:002009-10-21T10:00:36.524-05:00Again, the filter in which I am referring to "...Again, the filter in which I am referring to "get over it" is a personal one, not a racial one. D would call anyone out who tried to dissuade or deflect an argument of *any* nature if being dismissed with a 'get over it'. Of *course* I know the fucking difference.<br /><br />The lack of reflection on how we receive one another's communication--stopping and examining the Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-73428211409091333242009-10-21T09:20:20.127-05:002009-10-21T09:20:20.127-05:00Oh COME now, Gooch, surely you realize there's...Oh COME now, Gooch, surely you realize there's a BIG difference between a white person telling a black person to "get over" a racial issue, and a black person telling a white person that. Surely you see what's wrong with equating those two.<br /><br />It's amazing to me that you've known ding for that long and can't see how self-centered you're being. And how Lindanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-14798470763234060622009-10-21T09:12:03.743-05:002009-10-21T09:12:03.743-05:00P.S. Dude, if I ever told you to "get over it...P.S. Dude, if I ever told you to "get over it" you would lose.your.collective.shit. <br /><br />As you know, I am too much of a wastrel to be stunned/irritated past two glasses of wine. Note to self: buy some wine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-81377398119739092062009-10-21T08:17:37.914-05:002009-10-21T08:17:37.914-05:00I'm not mad. I'm appalled. Gobsmacked. (T...I'm not mad. I'm appalled. Gobsmacked. (The conversation happened on the same day the show aired. There's a witness to this salient point. For me accuracy matters when it comes to someone representing me in print. If you quote me, get it fucking right.)<br /><br />If the point of your blog was to point out the differences of racial perspectives, the example was a poor one. In Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-73444175778366813032009-10-21T07:34:06.568-05:002009-10-21T07:34:06.568-05:00c'mon, Gooch.
i'm not even upset. chill o...c'mon, Gooch.<br />i'm not even upset. chill out.<br /><br />9 years of friendship with *me* does not total racial understanding make. still love you, and i even understand why you're mad, but i am just illustrating how conversations misfire.<br /><br />that's the point. <br /><br />the point isn't the actual 'rightness' or the accuracy of the conversation (which i&Delia Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00433503510087047283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-75006935247286167892009-10-20T23:15:51.992-05:002009-10-20T23:15:51.992-05:00The upshot from my perspective is this: after nine...The upshot from my perspective is this: after nine years of intimate friendship and cohabitation, it is BEYOND insulting to think that my best friend would think that I'm such a lemming and would *ever* respond in the meaning depicted in this conversation. It's insulting to be thought of as someone so obtuse. The history of our previosu conversations and years of dialogue do not warrant Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-81079073210115495532009-10-20T23:00:02.527-05:002009-10-20T23:00:02.527-05:00Gooch. You are exhausting. Why does it hurt you to...Gooch. You are exhausting. Why does it hurt you to accept that your conversation with Ding, as it was validly perceived by her (because her interpretation of her own experience is valid) was painful.<br /><br />Your insistence on being "right" and righteous in "looking for a solution" is oppressive. Do you think we are not struggling in our daily lives to fight oppression? Micaelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11157290548657976169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-19524203319521515362009-10-20T17:15:53.385-05:002009-10-20T17:15:53.385-05:00You misconstrued the use of baggage---period.
T...You misconstrued the use of baggage---period. <br /><br />The conversation *I* was having was about "Good Hair", the assumption that all black people have secret conversations about their hair and noting that the women I worked with didn't pursue any discretion whatsoever when it came to their hair. This is not to say they had the same transparency in the workpace as they would Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-23680519602017327462009-10-20T16:16:14.904-05:002009-10-20T16:16:14.904-05:00and i cross-posted this on Bitch where the comment...and i cross-posted this on Bitch where the comment thread is a lot different and could be illuminating:<br /><br />http://www.haloscan.com/comments/bitchphd/7124757747586656811/<br /><br />there are even (gasp) resources!dingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-24935394756949943472009-10-20T16:08:28.943-05:002009-10-20T16:08:28.943-05:00And why is this an issue now when it happened a we...And why is this an issue now when it happened a week ago?<br /><br />Because I don't have the *privilege* to choose to not think about issues of race and ethnicity.<br /><br />(and those links reminded me of it when i read them.)dingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-56434007958312650882009-10-20T16:05:48.136-05:002009-10-20T16:05:48.136-05:00I'll take the clarification on the context and...I'll take the clarification on the context and specifics of the conversation but it did register differently. <br /><br />Sure, 'rude' people touch brown people's hair without invitation but why are they all white? Why is there a history and pattern of this? That's where I was coming from.<br /><br />On the surface, yes - it's a generalization that 'all' white dingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-53940336233270001802009-10-20T14:10:26.987-05:002009-10-20T14:10:26.987-05:00Not sure why this is a topic of interest two weeks...Not sure why this is a topic of interest two weeks after the initial conversation, but as the other participant, I am compelled to add:<br /><br />The woman who took such offense at Chris Rock’s documentary because he was ‘spilling all the secrets’ was the launch of this conversation.<br /><br />“Baggage” referred to assumptions you, D, wield when referring to ‘all white people’. Generalized Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-9599527613460122962009-10-19T15:05:52.298-05:002009-10-19T15:05:52.298-05:00I think that she said, and I heard, 'baggage&#...I think that she said, and I heard, 'baggage' on different registers. I was looking at it through the lens of history, cultural practice and pattern and she was looking at it...not like that.<br /><br />Again, as if racism (or acts of racial problematic-ness) only matters in terms of personal psychology.Delia Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00433503510087047283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-21636404592133455152009-10-19T13:14:53.779-05:002009-10-19T13:14:53.779-05:00It's hard being close to white people sometime...It's hard being close to white people sometimes. I have to say: "baggage" is so dismissive; I hope you called her out on the way that pathologizes you individually. It sounds like you tried, but she's really not listening. I'm sorry. <br />As for fair: to whom? to you? To your friendship? seems irrelevant in some ways.lizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16130872448723729911noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-2741801487147253402009-10-19T09:04:22.383-05:002009-10-19T09:04:22.383-05:00Well, she's been my best friend for years and,...Well, she's been my best friend for years and, to her credit, i would put her firmly in the ally column rather than not.<br /><br />Being friends with one another has helped both of us, I think. But it's interesting that, as close as we are and as BFF as we are, when it comes to race/ethnicity/difference, we are sometimes having two *different* conversations.<br /><br />If you asked her Delia Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00433503510087047283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-25150684530469679952009-10-17T13:02:00.083-05:002009-10-17T13:02:00.083-05:00That sounds like the most infuriating conversation...That sounds like the most infuriating conversation. You summed it up really well though. <br /><br />In HS some white boy with Asian fetish sat behind me in class and was fascinated by my hair. He called me "feisty" when I told him to back off. That was my first experience being the object of disgusting racist white desire and I wanted to vomit. <br /><br />That "it's <i>yourMicaelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11157290548657976169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5459857.post-62818663127224709192009-10-16T11:44:12.627-05:002009-10-16T11:44:12.627-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Aron Ranenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01972688295673840035noreply@blogger.com